overload

all day, the only thing i wanted to do was leave work and come home. to be safe under my über-blankie while i watched the world as i knew it fall apart in the wake of the terror rippling across north america and the rest of the world. i was useless at the office. it took every effort to hold back tears with each new picture i viewed of the devastation. i thought if i was home, in front of my television, the up-to-the-minute information would allay my anxiety.
when i did finally get home, i was not soothed. i was not eased. i was more anxious than i had been, even as i heard the first reports over the crackling am radio station. i couldn’t sit and watch, i had to keep moving. then i realized what it was. i didn’t want to be alone. i had to be with people who would understand my horror and share my fears. i spent the evening with my friends; and, although i’ll never be as peaceful as i was before i heard the first report or saw the first image of the world trade center tower collapsing, i am more calm.
i am still distraught. i am still shocked and horrified and disappointed in humankind. yet, i know that i will be able to go on, as we all will. as we all must. we, as the whole of every nation on our planet, must go to bed tonight and get up tomorrow morning and go on with our lives. not like nothing happened, although the temptation to ignore the tragedy and pretend thousands of lives were not lost is strong; but, we must go on knowing that we can overcome the atrocities. that we will save those we can and rebuild to make our world stronger and safer and more peaceful.
i wish that we all share that hope in our fellow man and the terrible urge for retribution will be tempered by a stonger desire to ensure nothing like this will ever happen again.