it’s dark, dreary and damp outside my office window. i can’t seem to keep a network connection up for more than five minutes, which is making the accomplishment of actual work an effort in futility. i’m eating a long, brown, turd-like donut and enjoying every mouthful (it doesn’t taste like poo, thankfully). i wish i had a mug of mint hot chocolate, like i had last night, to go with it. i may have to settle for extra-creamy, extra-sweet instant coffee. i feel like babbling, so i am. deal with it. i overslept by twenty minutes this morning and got stuck in a commute twice as long as normal. it’s typical that the one day i’m late, my boss came in early to witness my tardy entrance.
yay! after far too long, i finally got to see cute, married rob again! it was short, but very sweet. dear god, that man is the best hugger i’ve ever embraced. he’s gone to the national until at least the end of the year, so i’ll have to survive without him. again. *sigh* if only i’d kissed him when i had the chance!
they fiddled with something in the switch closet, and it seems to have fixed the network issues, so now i have to start doing work again. dammit. i just want to babble! no, babbling is second on the list. i really just want to hug rob again…

my butt is twitching, and it’s not wholly unpleasant.

i’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. mostly my own. honestly, i’ve been fairly convinced i’m about to keel over any moment. not for any particular reason, though. just like “hey, i think i’m the kind of person who would drop dead prematurely and no one would miss me for at least a week (unless it was a payroll monday, then they’d have the police at my place by 8:30am).”
all the energy i’ve been putting into considering my mortality is exhausting. worrying about who’ll find what kind of contraband in my possessions. will anyone miss me? which of my foreign friends will fly out for the funeral? will it hurt?
then there’s the tangent which takes me down the road of a long, degenerative disease. that’s the path i start to palpitate when i consider. blood tests, surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, medications, amputations, oxygen tanks, iv tubes, white counts. the reaction of co-workers, friends and family. the slow but steady withdrawl of everyone i consider close to me. their natural refusal to consciously acknowledge their own mortality by ignoring my obvious journey to the final resting place…
then i start thinking about how i’d like to have a male visitor to mess about with for an evening, just to re-acquaint myself with the pleasures of dangly bits, and it just seems so unimportant.

oh, hey… i haven’t yet whined about my upset tummy which effectively stopped me from eating the yummy vegetable barley soup i brought for lunch. instead, i ate canned pears and a banana. i’m starving, but i’m afraid to eat anything substantial. i also haven’t whined about the the two feet of resumes (piled vertically) i was given today. that’s my backlog. oh, look! irene just gave me more stuff to do which should have been done last week!
i love my job. *concentrating* i love my job! (i wish i had a november vacation to look forward to.)

tell me a story.

one word: busy.
by the way, according to highly credible (if biased) sources, i only have one character flaw. go me!

waaaah! i don’t wanna go back to work tomorrow!! *pout*

watch out world… i’m wearing “the thong”.

it’s a lazy holiday monday, indeed. all i’ve accomplished is drinking a pot of coffee and finishing my book. i’m not planning on doing anything other than that, either. well, okay. maybe a shower.
i dreamt about paul last night. whenever i do that, i want to phone him. so badly. it still pains me that we no longer speak. ahh… regrets.

bits & bites:
– i bought a new microphone and webcam for the computer.
– if i’m online (and i’m always online) the cam link over on the right will be showing my ugly mug in 10 second intervals. you poor, poor people.
– went to my step-uncle’s for thanksgiving dinner. i ate brussel sprouts and punkin pie.
– i was extraordinarily lonely last night. *sigh*
– the book club book i’m reading is fucking awesome. i spent most of last night and today reading. and i figured out it’s the first of a series! there are four more for me to read! yahoo!
– i liked the brussel sprouts.
– i like my step-uncles far more than my step-mother.
– i’ve mis-spelled more twice while writing this.
– paige really needs glasses if she’s saying i’m pretty.

guess what i bought today:

dave, you bastard! *sigh*

for some reason, i don’t feel much like celebrating thanksgiving today.

despite trying not to; despite knowing i should not… i love you. i always have, i always will.
and i will never, ever tell you.

wow… i’m amazed. i’ve done laundry, showered, ate lunch (for a saturday that’s an accomplishment), gone to the bank, the post office & the store to buy new underwear. now i’m home with a bag of hallowe’en candy and a book to read. ahh… this truly is the good life.
the best part, so far: the bag of 10 assorted nestle chocolate bars had 11 bars in it! score!

i just woke up. coffee’s perking. my motor skills haven’t quite revived yet, though. i have a plan for the day, but to outline it would box me in. instead, you’ll just have to follow me around like a reality tv camera crew to find out where i’ve gone and what i’m up to. ha ha!

went to the pub for dinner and socializing to take my mind off the day from hell. drank too much, too quickly. puked into a japanese maple. felt much better. switched pubs for onion rings & poutine. made conversation with the couple at the neighbouring table. home now. tired now. head hurts, but at least i know it’s from the beer.
good night.

i was going to say that this day couldn’t get much worse, but then lynne told me everything i’d done yesterday had to be reversed and reentered.
i’m kind of wishing i’d taken a vacation day.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m so mad right now. not even at what made me upset so much as that i was in this great, happy, cute, friday mood and now it’s ruined. i walked into work to a SHITLOAD of resumes to process (i mean approximately 500, labeled “first batch”). that’s fine. i knew there was a backlog. i had specifically asked valerie to leave them for me to get started on this morning. what pissed me off was the reply to my email. “I hope you realize they will be part of an ongoing process.” fuck you, bitch.
yes, i know they are. they always have been. they always will be. oops. except when you’re too busy to give them to me. riiiight. then you sit on them for three months and expect me to rush when you finally get around to giving them to me. fuck. i’m so mad. it’s hard to really explain without knowing the work i do, who i do it for and they dynamics of the company; but, suffice it to say, she is not my priority and she’s going to have to realize that. my time is promised to other people before her. if she doesn’t like it, then too fucking bad.
i hate conflict, but she and i are going to have a little conversation today. if she wants her shit done, then she’s going to have to learn to accomodate me. i’ve bent over backwards to save her ass this last year. it’s time for her to bend a little for me. grr!