three things:
1. my head hurts. a lot.
2. here’s your damn mpeg, brought to you by feelings i shouldn’t have but can’t ever fight:
“True” by Spandeau Ballet
3. that is NOT a side note, dammit! i want, nay, i demand more details!
psst… it’s hockey season! *little wriggle of joy*
i did something this morning i never do. when i walked into reception at work this morning, one of the new trainees was standing at the elevator. so i stuck out my hand and said “hi. i’m heather.” then we chatted a bit about how his first week was going and where i worked in the company.
when i got to my desk to unpack my stuff i noticed my hands were shaking a little. i never introduce myself to anyone like that. ever. i’d rather stand there in awkward silence than risk my first impression on my bumbling tongue
i don’t know why i did it. i know i’ve been thinking lately about having to develop some confidence in myself, confidence to project to others. i supoose this was a good first step. “hi. i’m heather.” three words. i can handle that again. right?
p.s. i totally forgot it was thursday today. you’ll have to wait until i get home for the the mpeg. sorry!
i just deleted a post full of whiny crap that no one cares about. i mean, if it annoyed me to read over it, i’m fairly sure it would have driven anyone else away.
i look, and feel, like crap warmed over today. i don’t usually *look* at myself in the mirror in the morning while i’m getting ready. i tend to just pay attention to the bits i’m dealing with at the moment (mouth when i’m brushing my teeth, hair when i’m coiffing, etc). i did, however, catch a glimpse of my total self in the hall mirror as i was leaving for work and i came to the conclusion i look like shit today. if you saw me this morning the first thing you’d think would be “shit, she looks *tired*”. you wouldn’t be wrong. i am tired. although, i’m not exactly sure why. i got a full eight hours of sleep. i didn’t have any traumatic dreams from which i awoke bawling my eyes out like on the weekend. bleh.
in other news, i’m thinking of dying my hair. it’s been over two years. i’ve had enough of my natural colour. i think it’s time to go red again, especially now that i’ve discovered these incredible ringlets my hair is producing.
to do today:
– drink (more) coffee.
– throw out loaf of crappy, cheap bread i bought in an ill-fated cost-saving measure.
– buy more good, but expensive, bread.
– while at store buying good bread, get carrots, tortillas, oranges & feminine napkins.
– put dishes away.
– dispose of spider carcass.
– read one chapter of book club book.
– take garbage out.
– try to ignore funky smell emanating from basement.
– shower.
– contemplate the pros/cons of exhibiting consumer confidence in times of financial upheaval (ie. “do i buy a cd-burner now, or wait and ask for one for xmas?”)
– drink (more) water.
– work (ie. wade through never-ending sea of papers in hopes of stumbling across a floatation device).
i’m almost hungry for a re-design. it’s making me antsy. i wish i didn’t have so much actual work to do at the office so i could expend this rare burst of creative energy. *twitch*
after taking a look at andrea’s photography, i started thinking about being a photographer. i think that when you start taking photographs you start to look at your world from a slightly different angle. you tilt your head to the left, then to the right, and you pause for just a moment and consider the esthetics of each view. then you record whichever one speaks to you most closely. when i have the urge to take photos, i notice my attention being drawn to things i wouln’t normally give a second thought to. i think about whether i would make it a close up or a long shot, what kind of filter or exposure would best suit the feeling i want to convey.
the same goes for weblogging. when i have the urge to write, i stop and take a little more stock of my life and the things which occur both in and around it. i pause more often to consider how i can share the feelings i’m experiencing at that moment. i look for opportunities to share my observations with others. sometimes they’re blurry or off-centre or over-exposed. but even then, they have their value.
these are my word photographs.
this site is their frame.
wow. bomb threat. who knew checking for suspicious packages was part of my duties as fire warden?
books i have reserved at the library:
sushi for beginners by marian keyes
american gods by neil gaiman
the professor and the madman by simon winchester
fast food nation by eric schlosser
book i currently have checked out from the library:
outlander by diana gabaldon
last four books i checked out from the library:
automated alice by jeff noon
gilgamesh by stephan grundy
harry potter 3 by j.k. rowling
harry potter 4 by j.k. rowling
for the last couple of weeks i’ve wanted to watch run, lola, run again. i’m still not sure why i loved that movie so much.
okay, hopefully everyone (except me, from home, it seems) should be getting here via fubsy.net again. i don’t understand why sometimes it switches over asap and others it takes forever. but, anyway. you may notice the little checkbox below the comment submit button. if you check it, you will not have to retype your info in the forms! yay! i wish i could take the credit for finally figuring out the cookies, but i just stole something someone else had written. sorry it took so long.
in other news… there is no other news. i have amazing amounts of work to do, but my hair is too curly to concentrate on work. i have this artistic bug bite and all i want to do is make more stupid wallpaper.
the single girl’s guide to killing spiders: drop heavy book (preferably metro white pages) onto spider. wait three days. vacuum.
the colours of the sky this morning reminded me so much of the memphis sunset i drove away from five years ago that i nearly had to pull over so i could cry.
dammit, i had this really profound thought while i was coming up from the basement, then i got busy doing… well, nothing, and i’ve forgotten it. that’ll learn me.
my big accomplishments for today: taped shows watched, laundry laundered, body showered, coffee quota met & hard drive defragmented.
i was sitting on the futon, procrastinating vacuuming (i still am, can you tell?), and i realized just how much i *love* doing nothing. just sitting. maybe picking at a zit or braiding, unbrading, rebraiding my hair. not thinking. not. doing. anything.
hey, i’m pretty zen, huh? yeah, i know. it’s just a nice way to say “fat & lazy like buddha”.
*phone rings*
me: MIS
him: is this heather?
me: yes.
him: the one and only?
me: there can be only one.
him: *laugh* do you know who this is?
me: nope.
him: so i could play with you for a while then?
me: not over the phone, you couldn’t.
him: ooh! *laugh* you’re quick! *laugh* good one!
me: i try.
so, yeah. last night, i went to bed with a twinge of a headache. i thought briefly of taking something before i fell asleep, but i figured i could sleep it off. it usually works. when i woke two hours later, still feeling pain, i probably should have taken something, but i didn’t. i rolled over and went back to sleep. an hour after that, upon waking, i was again stubborn and refused myself medication for the headache which would not die. finally, at five a.m. i double-dosed myself with advil migraine liqui-caps and prayed that the forty minutes i had until my alarm went off would be sufficient for the “fast acting” meds to take away the vague nausea which was starting to radiate from the base of my skull. there was no way i could possibly take another day off work and there was also no way for me to function at work with this calibre of a headache.
thank god for medication. i love drugs, dammit. although my head is still not “right” (shuddup), i can deal with the foggy, slow-mo sensation i’m currently experiencing much better than intense nausea and photophobia i was sure to be subjected to without medicinal assistance.
i’m so grateful i don’t get migraines on a regular basis. twice a year are more than enough for me, thank you.
what’s with the 9 o’clock bathroom rush? sheesh… are all our bladders in synch or something?
i want my own private bathroom. on the door (which locks), there will be a sign which reads “hessie’s loo”. the door will be red. no, purple. a nice shade of soft purple. and it will have a brass handle and one of those nifty keypad locks so i won’t ever have to fumble with keys to get into my water closet. it will be decorated tastefully in shades of coffee and forest green. the toilet seat will be padded. and heated. the toilet paper will be of the finest quality available and it will dispense from behind the roll, not over it. the floor will be covered in a dense, lush carpet. when i enter, i will remove my shoes and socks just to wiggle my toes in the squishy goodness which it provides. there will be a small window, through which a soft, cool, spring-scented breeze will waft in all year long, regardless of the true season. on the back of the purple door there will hang a mirror, a magic mirror, in which my reflection will be svelte, sexy and elegant, despite any spots, wrinkles of puffiness i may be experiencing on any given day. i will have soft, white hand towels and an assortment of expensive lotions for my ablutions. on those days which i require a titch of follicle assistance, a golden, braided pull-cord dangling from the ceiling will bring jose eber to my tresses’ rescue with the latest in styling products and techniques. all the while, soft instrumental music is soothing my harried soul as it emanates from a camoflauged dolby 5.1 surround sound system.
yes, i need my own bathroom.
hey kids… it’s time again for that über-cool thursday morning mpeg!!
“Patricia the Stripper” by Chris de Burgh
yes, the same fellow of “lady in red” fame (which i can’t think of without seeing gene wilder’s fuzzy blond hair in my head). my best childhood friend introduced me to chris de burgh when i was twelve or so. this and “a spaceman came travelling” were, and still are, my favourite singles. of course, now i’m going to have “lady in red” in my head all day…
why the hell am i looking at wedding dresses on ebay? do i want to depress myself? probably. *sigh*