the inverse reaction a minivan has on the delectability of a man is the presence of a hard hat and tool belt. instantly, the man so attired is sizzling hot. weird, but true. at least for me.

of course, this is after i went out for lunch in the downpour without a jacket and now my hair is frizzy. but, do i care? nope. had a great lunch with debbie, which she insisted on paying for. came back and got my overtime approved for this weekend. yup, i’m working on saturday. but, do i care? nope. i think it will be fun. i can bring some cds in and play my music and make a pot of coffee exactly how i like it and come in at whatever time i want! and i get extra hours on top of all those perks! how could that possibly upset me?
did someone slip some prozac into my power bar or something?

paige was right, this was freakishly accurate:
You are attracted to strong sexual partners . You can be extremely changeable, saying one thing to your lover, then turning around and doing the exact opposite. You are very intuitive when it comes to acquaintances, yet quite blind to the defects of those you love. You have to go first class, and will overextend yourself financially in order to shower your mate with expensive gifts.
You are empathetic to those who have problems, and, as a result, you often get used. You are a great one for fantasizing and for acting out your desires. Your biggest problem is your tendency to pick the wrong mate, resulting in your having extramarital affairs in order to get the affection you need for your survival.
You love to be surrounded by your belongings. You prefer items of quality and of lasting value. You will not clutter up your home, but the things you do own will be handpicked and special to you. You are secretive about your personal environment and will allow very few people to see where and how you live; only a special person will be invited into your domain.
You pay great attention to detail. You always want things to be organized. You have a thirst for knowledge. You are very efficient and have a strong work ethic. You are critical of yourself and of others, and you seek perfection in all you do. You tend to overworry and overwork, and you must learn to relax. You are kind to those you care about, although you often appear to be cool.
You need a consistent routine that is safe and that can provide the security you require. You like to have a guaranteed income and are willing to work for someone who offers you a long-term position. You really don’t like surprises, especially those having to do with finances.

i can’t believe it’s already june. i can’t believe it’s 22 days until i go to seattle. i can’t believe it’s 32 days until my birthday. and i certainly i can’t believe how unbelievably happy i’ve been lately.
last night, i actually spent time thinking about how bouyant i’ve been feeling this week. i was trying to deduce the reason for my general elation about life. i haven’t won the lottery. i haven’t lost weight. my car isn’t miraculously running better. my job hasn’t gotten better or easier. my annoying co-workers haven’t magically vanished. yet, despite the status quo, i feel so light and damn pleased about life.
at ten-thirty p.m. i was dancing around my apartment to some mp3. if i hadn’t had to come to work today i probably would have told icqboy to get dressed and take me bowling or something equally social and active. i was so energized and perky. when the song ended and i crawled under the covers i was disappointed. i could have spent another hour dancing around like that. maybe i should have. next time, screw “bedtime”. i’m going to dance!

i love my friends. i really do. i have some of the most wonderful, ecclectic, intriguing personalities in my life. god knows i take them for granted far too often than i should, but i was struck with just how fucking honoured i am to have these people whom i can call friend. it’s almost like getting run over by a mack truck.
thank you, each and every one of you. whether you read this or not, i’m grateful for the chance to know you.

three days ago, i bit the inside of my cheek and it’s more tender today than at any point previously. the worst part is you can’t put a bandaid on it and you can’t stop chewing, so you end up playing this game of russian roulette every time you put something in your mouth to eat or drink. will you cause yourself more pain or won’t you?
tonight i’m going shopping on my way home from work to buy the ingredients for the chicken cacciatore i’m making for friday’s dinner. meghan told me it was my turn to decide what to have for dinner, so i started thinking. we’ve had lots of chinese food and pizza. we wouldn’t want to go out before cards. there’s not much else to order in. that left cooking. okay. what have i made already? taco salad, stir fry, lasagne (frozen, but it counts). can’t do those again, so what else do i cook? pasta with tomato sauce. no. can’t do that. the boys would want meat in the sauce. then i wondered if i had the recipe for this overnight cacciatore i’d made but once, years ago. luckily i found it, so after i shop and pick up a casserole dish and some white wine from meg tonight, i’ll prep the dish and let it marinate until tomorrow and voila! easy, semi-gourmet food with little fuss! sometimes i’m just so good i make myself ill.
it’s going to be hot today. i don’t like hot. anything above 20 celsius (68 fahrenheit) starts to get uncomfortable. i’ll just soak up all the air conditioning i can while i’m at work for when i return home to my little hotbox of an apartment. think cool.

last night for dinner i ate, in this order:
     microwave popcorn
     romaine lettuce salad with balsamic vinegar dressing
     half a package of chocolate-covered graham crackers

it was only a matter of time before a certain monkeyasstypecreature stopped spamming my comments and set up his own twisted forum of text. you can find the porthole into his brain at the monkey chronicles. when you stop by, tell him chickenjezebel sent you.

i can’t believe i forgot to mention the arrival of my first birthday present for this year.
i got home tuesday and opened my mailbox to find an unexpected package from amazon.com. i knew i hadn’t ordered anything, so i assumed it was something from my wishlist, but i didn’t know who would have bought me anything off of it. i fumbled with my keys and as soon as i’d dumped my bag on the chair i ripped open the box. it was a copy of before sunrise!
i read the note and was so very, very pleased. i’ve since thanked the sender profusely and told them my intention of announcing their generosity to the world. they have nearly begged me not to do such so that others don’t go hounding them about where their unsent birthday presents are. it seems i have to be content with talking about them anonymously which is tough because of the level of joy at being special enough to receive something and then to receive it from this person who is notorious for never getting around to sending anyone anything! i don’t deserve such an honour.

there’s nothing like waking up and checking your comments to find all sorts of praise. it really does make me insanely happy that this design is being well-received. i’ve been working on it a while and kind of lost my perspective on it, so i didn’t know if it was as good as i thought it should be. you know how it goes, you stare at something too long and it loses all its meaning. same thing with designs, i find. i get an idea, start on it and during the “tweaking” stage, i’m exposed to it so much i become numb.
otherwise, it’s a cold, dreary day here in heatherland. icqboy asked me out last night. i haven’t said yes, or no, yet. i don’t know what my ambivilance is. he’s nice, smart, polish (gran would have liked that); but, he’s young. i need to find a guy my own age, dammit.
i woke with a crick in my neck and it’s getting worse. probably shouldn’t do my weights with it like it is. but, i’m a sucker for punishment and will probably do them regardless of the pain. there’s no way i’m going to lose ten pounds before seattle, so i shouldn’t worry too much about. besides, if i’m really honest, ten pounds ain’t going to make any kind of difference in my aesthetics.

what’s the verdict?

not really working this morning. well, not on work they pay me to work on. getting the next design tweaked out. should be up later today or tomorrow. training again this afternoon. emailing rick. just wanted confirm my aliveness. it’s not raining. big, fluffy clouds. i like big fluffy clouds.

i’m feeling really woozy and sleep-deprived. i managed to get about four hours last night. regardless of the four hours i had in the afternoon, i’m not designed to function on less than six hours sleep. at least the day is half over. unfortunately, the worst half is yet to come.
during the worst of our storm this morning, the rain was falling at almost 90-degrees. about the time i noticed that, i remembered that the back windows of my car were open. but, seeing as it was so yucky out, i wasn’t going to go out to shut them. at least it wasn’t the front windows.
it’s freezing in here and i think that’s just making me sleepier. i can’t wait until i go to bed nice and early tonight.
by the way, happy memorial day to all you americans who aren’t at work and aren’t updating (and even to those who are at work and are updating). don’t worry, i don’t mind that you didn’t wish us canadians a happy victoria day last week. it’s okay. we don’t expect you to remember *every* birthday. *grin*

i cleaned like a madwoman today. my living/bed room is sparkling. the only thing i didn’t do in here were the windows. that can wait another month. while that whirlwind was occuring, the laundry was getting done, too.
by two o’clock i was exhausted and starting to get a headache, so i laid down for a nap. i woke at four-ish with such a blinding headache i had to turn off the computer because the fan noise was making me want to vomit. i took two advil and prayed for them to take affect quickly because i was about to murder the family next door who just would not go inside and stop their yelling in the backyard.
i laid back down and buried my head, wondering what i’d done to deserve such torture. i woke up again at six-thirty and this time i was able function, so i got all the garbage ready to go out and started cooking some food for the week. now i have dishes to do, but with almost five hours of naps in me, i will probably be doing them at three a.m.

i got a posh frock! it’s beautiful and flowy and and pretty and long and delicate. it makes me feel like such a girl! i haven’t owned a proper “dress” since my grad dress, eleven years ago. i usually dress up in skirts and shirts since i have such a hell of a time finding a dress i like which fits properly. this time, i actually had to choose between TWO dresses i liked equally well and looked equally good on me. it was amazing! i’m thinking i’ll get just a tiny little alteration to it to make it fit perfectly and i still need to find a small coverup to go overtop. oh, and now i need new shoes to go with it. *sigh* it’s so persnickity being a girl!
after shopping, the four of us went out for a sushi buffet! of course, if anyone i know heard that i was going for sushi they would probably feel a little dizzy and wonder if they’d taken the red pill. it was so much fun. being born and raised in north america, a buffet to me means food laid out and a self-serve queue to fetch your own grub. not at manyo’s. you order off the buffet menu and they bring it right to you. it’s so very civilized.
i was exposed to a whole new range of sushi. i’d seen dynamite rolls and california rolls and heard of sashimi and nigiri sushi, but never had it right in front of me. i’d most definitely never eaten raw fish before. although, i must admit, i wasn’t overly brave about it, but i did try my first tuna roll (tekka maki), a crab sushi, yakisoba (my new favourite food), another noodle dish, vegetable tempura and a lot of kappa maki (cucumber rolls – my favourite). i watched everyone else eat their squid, oysters, tofu, salmon, tuna and scallops. if they’d ordered more sashimi, i was almost worked up enough to try it, but i wasn’t about to volunteer — there was enough pressure when i ate the tuna roll. the final verdict? the buffet is a stellar way to get introduced slowly to sushi and try new japanese food items. i think we’ll definitely be back. i might even try the squid next time.

rushed home through friday traffic to take meghan to the eye doctor. poor girl. she was traumatized by his diagnosis. she was convinced her eyes were perfect, but it seems her left eye is rather poor. i kept trying to reassure her that at least her right eye is perfect. she wasn’t buying it.
it was funny to watch her try to function with her pupils dilated. besides the fact it was weird to look at her with those huge pupils, she nearly walked into a pillar and off of some steps when we came out into the sunshine. she refused to wear the sunglasses i’d brought for her because she said she looked bad in them. sheesh. i should be nice, since she’s taking me to the same optometrist in two weeks and i’ll be at her mercy.
afterwards, we spent a great evening at the black bear playing cards, smoking and laughing, a lot. seems a guy meg & i worked with at mcdonald’s in highschool is bartending at the pub we were at. he came and cleaned off our table at one point and meg and i both said “thanks, ken!” even though there was no name tag in sight. he probably didn’t remember me, though. i should fish out an incriminating photo of him and send it to his work. why? uh, because!
today, meg and i are going shopping for something for her to wear to a wedding and me to wear to the space needle. i don’t know why i have it in my head i have to buy something new and fancy. i have stuff i can wear, but even though rick’s never seen it, i have and i want something new. so i’m going to get it. i hope. because i’m looking for something, i’m sure not to find it. at least that’s how my shopping experiences always turn out.

lots of work to be accomplished before i go home. julie got the scheduling job, so i bought her lunch and flowers. she almost cried. it will be weird without her here (she’ll be working in the field office now). sat outside eating lunch; i think i got a little too much sun. i bake quickly. having a great hair day and feeling rather cute despite the “condition”. i love calling it that. i actually don’t mind that my voice is cracking like peter brady’s. at least it’s proof i’m ill.
okay, work to do.

i can swallow! holy shit, i love antibiotics!

i recently recalled one of the sweetest and most touching things anyone has ever said to me. i was talking to rick about this and that and subject of someone i used to be involved with came up and he said he didn’t like him. i asked why and rick replied that it was because this other person hurt me and he couldn’t forgive that.
it just made me feel so… verklempt.

i tried to send a birthday email to paul tonight. i did a search for a working email address for him, the most recent i had had been inactive for quite a while. i found one dating from november, but it bounced back.
sometimes forces greater than me save me from myself.