you know, sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.
tuesday night, when i got home from work, i discovered my net connection was sketchy and then died outright. so, after futzing with it a little yesterday morning before leaving for work, i shut down the machine as per start->shutdown. when i came home last night i pressed the power button and… nothing happened. i unplugged the power cable and flipped the power supply switch and cycled the power bar all to no avail.
i assume it’s got to be something with the switch or the power supply. i guess i’ll take it to the shop on the weekend. i might talk to mike about it and bring it in here for him to look at, but at the pace he moves i’d be lucky to get it back by august.
it was interesting to be computerless last night. i didn’t really miss it, except for not being able to track my points and when i wanted to hear “white flag” by dido, i had to sing it to myself. i wish i’d brought my book home with me, though. good thing i have class tonight to keep me occupied.
did i mention part of my school blew up on tuesday? it’s a large-ish campus and one of the steam boilers in the north campus exploded, taking out portions of neighbouring buildings. my classes aren’t affected as they’re in a different section, but it was still interesting. they said there was a lot of asbestos around from the exploded buildings, so i thought it might be prudent for me to wear my sars mask to class tonight.
my craptastic review of girl scout cookies:
caramel de lites – good, instant insulin response. the caramel sticks to everything at room temperature, so you have to put them in the fridge for a few minutes. unfortunately, they taste totally different chilled.
reduced fat lemon pastry cremes – really good. not too lemony and the cookie part is nice and light. a winner.
shortbread – it’s really hard to go wrong with shortbread. it’s kind of weird eating girls’ faces, though.
animal treasures – they’re HUGE! wow. these are for serious cookie eaters. tasty and with that instant insulin response we’ve all come to love. i ate two giraffes!
thin mints – they’re not really thin and absolutely nothing like i thought they’d be (read: like the girl guide version), but still minty enough for me to eat them even though their chocolate-y coating is slightly greasy-feeling.
i’m glad i got to finally try the american version of the seasonal cookie whoring, but i think i’ll stick with our boring vanilla & chocolate creams.
shopping this weekend was fun. not only because i found cute things, but the cute things i found i had to buy in a size smaller than i normally would. who knew that sixteen pounds could be a whole size? i’m getting a little concerned that i can’t seem to find my favourite brand/style of jeans in my new size in any of the stores i’ve looked in, though. i really love these jeans and if i have to find a new style i’ll be right pissed off. i actually considered putting the sixteen pounds back on just so i could keep wearing them. don’t worry, i didn’t consider it for long.
honestly, i don’t think i’ll be able to say i’ve lost sixteen pounds for much longer. i think that number is going to be decreasing this weigh in. i’ve been a complete and utter pig over the last week. with a hormonal binge last thursday, the easter long weekend and the arrival of FIVE boxes of girl scout cookies… well, yeah. it’s been frightening. i also haven’t gotten off my ass to exercise in a week, either. god, it’s pathetic and i just feel rotten, physically.
tonight i’m going to stop at the market to restock my house with veggies (i found a liquified cucumber in my crisper last night. ick.), eat a bowl of soup, sweat for half an hour, iron my newly washed cute clothes and go to bed at a reasonable time. it doesn’t sound very exciting, i know, but it’s just what the doctor ordered and i can’t think of anything else i’d rather be doing.
except maybe kissing.
if you’ve lived on the west coast for any length of time, you know all about the ferries. i’ve written about them before so i’ll keep this short: where have all the fucking people come from and why do they always want to be on the same boat as me? geez louise! i was the first or second person denied a ticket for the 10:30 sailing friday morning because of volume. lucky me got to sit around the terminal until 12:30 for the honour of spending an additional two hours of my life crossing the strait. thankfully it was: a) a beautiful day; and, b) i had hey nostradamus! to keep me company.
otherwise, my weekend was pretty good. mom really needed me there, too. she’s been having to deal with her cousin/tennant’s severe health problems and she’s pretty much at the end of her tether. brenda (the cousin/tennant) was in hosptial all weekend and i’m glad for both mom and me. it gave her break from the constant worry and allowed me to not get too angry and upset about the situation on her behalf.
we watched hockey and a couple movies, did some pre-vegas shopping for her trip next week and hit the casino for a practice run where we both won a combined total of just over a thousand bucks. good thing, too, because i bought some clothes and shoes i really couldn’t afford.
now i’m back on my side of the water, glad to have slept on my crappy futon (can you believe it?) and to be back in my own space. i could do without the being at work, but with the good always comes some bad, they say.
how was your easter?
holy crap i’m in a foul humour. not even the gab’n’bitch session over lunch helped. the sushi place was closed, so we went to the thai place next door and i went WAY over my points and now i feel gross and ill. i’ve decided that i don’t give a fuck about the union meeting tonight, so i’ll go get my crappy hair cut tonight, then go home and try to sweat off some of the coconut steamed rice i gorged on. after that, i’m going to lay about in my stinky workout clothes and melt some braincells watching such horrible tv as: survivor, the apprentice and the swan.
i really need a hug.
it’s a beautiful day. i’ve a four-day weekend on the island to look forward to. my team won their first playoff game last night. i’m going out for sushi at lunch. i didn’t gain even after my horridly bingeful week. i have strong abs. it’s payday. i have many new books to read.
i didn’t get my hair cut. i ate too much crap. i have a lot of work to do before i leave today. i’m oddly dissatisfied with life. i feel bloated. wonderfalls was cancelled. i have to pee. my camera likes to shut down for no apparent reason. i’m sleepy.
by the end of today i’ll be in three lottery pools for this friday’s $21 million super7 draw. with all those numbers floating around, i’ve been doing a lot of daydreaming about what i’ll do with my millions. here’s the short list (almost in order):
1. pay off debts (mine, mom’s, dad’s)
2. buy new cars (for me, mom & dad)
3. buy a home (mom & dad each already have their own)
4. fly first class to minnesota in july, worcester in september and thunder bay in october.
5. buy the biggest, best bed & sheets money can buy and stay in it for a week, inviting all my friends over for a non-stop bed party.
6. two words: home network.
7. two more words: plasma displays
8. just two more words: digital SLR
9. canucks season’s tickets
10. buy meghan cat-proof furniture.
11. buy jeremy a real minion.
12. buy heather maid & laundry service.
13. cats. lots and lots of cats.
14. never worry about money again.
i’m hoping it’s a crappy hair day today so that i won’t hesitate to go get a couple more inches chopped off on the way home. i’m enjoying the shorter hair, but it’s a pain having to go get it cut more than once a year. i don’t know how guys do it going every month. that’d drive me crazy.
i am absolutely addicted to put down the donut. it’s a great weight loss/fitness/lifestyle site run by two very smart women, joelle and kathy. they’ve got reviews of fitness tapes and books, recipes, tips for staying on track and a few good swift kicks in the ass for good measure. if you’re at all interested in losing weight or getting fitter, it should definitely be in your bookmarks.
speaking of the fitness, i’ve completed the slim in 6 (customer reviews) “start it up” video a grand total of seven times so far. of course, that’s been over two weeks, not consecutively. considering the first time through had me practically in a wheelchair i’d say i’m doing pretty damn well. i’ve got to get two more days in this week (tonight and tomorrow) since i’ll be going to the island for easter. i’ve already noticed that, while i still sweat like a river and gasp like a fish out of water, i’m not modifying nearly as much. the biggest thing for me is trying not to expect that i can do it all perfectly every day, like the people in the video. slow and steady. anything is better than the nothing i was doing before, right?
i’m so excited that there’s a four-day weekend just around the corner! too bad about the having to get up early friday to catch a boat, but i should be able to sleep in for the next three mornings to make up for it. my mom’s all excited about this since she hasn’t seen me since xmas. oh, and because i’ll be painting her bathroom for her, too. i’m such a good kid.
my friend wade has been asking me for photography tips. he thinks i’m a really great photographer and wants me to teach him how to use his digicam to make good photos. i was totally flabbergasted when he asked and i realized that, other than knowing a few technical guidelines (rule of thirds, etc), i’m an instinctual photographer and i don’t think i could possibly teach that. i just look around the world and then try to capture it in a way that makes me happy. how can that be taught? i did tell him to just take lots and lots of photos. when he finds one he loves, try to recreate it with different subjects. when he finds one he hates, try to think about what he doesn’t like about it and avoid that next time. i think that’s probably the best, and only advice, i could give.
um. well. uh. i’m actually kind of in a morning blah. getting up at what feels like 5am even though the clock says 6am is just wrong. i hate daylight savings. we don’t use gaslight anymore. stop switching the clocks already! grr.
the weekend was all right. i went looking at a couple apartments friday night after work. neither was nice enough to go after, though. the first was stinky and had really stupid plastic accordian closet doors. the second was better, but for the kitchen the size of a postage stamp. oh well. good thing i’m in no rush, i suppose.
had bbq with m&m&d saturday and sunday nights after getting some shopping, laundry and cleaning done. i still need to vacuum and take my growing collection of diet pepsi containers back, though. watched the majority of pleasantville yesterday afternoon. it’s a sweet movie. god, i’m boring.
jeremy’s back, though! that’s a highlight.
i just want to crawl back into bed and sleep for a day or three. that’s not too much to ask, is it?
so, i’ve mentioned that i’m trying to follow weight watchers in an attempt to reach a healthy body weight. part of the whole online experience is reading and interacting on the message boards available. it’s been interesting and informative and, while i’m not looking to form any kind of relationships with the people on them, i’ve participated in a few conversations on topics i have something to say about.
what’s really caught my attention is the number of the really big women (my size and much larger) who have boyfriends, fiances and husbands. it’s been a big shock to all my preconceptions that if i’m fat, i can’t possibly be attractive to someone. especially enough to be in a long-term relationship. i’ve tried to rationalize it in my mind by saying “well, they were probably skinny when they got married and then they put on the weight”. not very charitable of me, i know; but i’ve never pretended to be a better person than i am.
it’s really challenging for me to believe that there are men out there who can get past the rolls and the stretch marks and can see the person and find them attractive enough to fall in love. it goes against everything i’ve ever believed about men and the dynamics of attraction. yeah, i know there are guys who are “fat admirers” and “chubby chasers” but i don’t want to be wanted just because i’m fat, either. i don’t know if there’s any answer for me right now. it’s always been a “when i’m skinny, i’ll find someone to love me” kind of thought-process. now that i’m actively participating in a solution that could result in my finally becoming skinny (relatively, of course), all the things i put off until then are coming forward for consideration. it’s made for a lot of thinking.
in other weight-related news, as of this morning i’ve lost sixteen pounds. it’s been a rocky last two weeks with a bit of a scale hiccough, but i think i’m over that now. i’ve been trying to exercise semi-consistantly (dear god, can i sweat). my jeans, and even my underpants, are getting really baggy. but, for all that, i can’t seem to *see* any changes. debbie, my fitness cheerleader (she lost 75lbs years ago and is this awesomely fit, strong, woman), says i’m looking really good so far; but, i can’t help but think “um, it’s sixteen pounds. you can’t possibly see results this early”. sometimes i think i can see a hint of collarbone or more definition in my cheeks, but then i give my head a shake and realize that even if i am seeing very minor changes, i’ve still got a very long way to go.
it’s really hard not to get discouraged when you know the road ahead is a long one. i’m not good with long-term goals. i, like pretty much everybody, wants everything NOW, or even YESTERDAY. i know, up here in my logical brain, that this is something that will take a long time and there will be ups and downs. there will be big losses, small losses and even small gains along the way. i need to find a way to cope with what i perceive as setbacks on this journey. whee, more stuff to think about!
oh, by the way, this gratuituous mention of gin is for (the other) heather. comment away, babe.
i was thinking of writing something about getting engaged or diagnosed with cancer or winning the lottery in honour of april fool’s day, but after probably flunking my final last night, i’m really not in the mood. you know, it sounds like that’s an april fool’s joke, doesn’t it? if only it was.
it’s completely my fault and i have no one else to blame. if i’d done the last assignment i’d have been completely prepared for the program-writing portion of the exam. as it stands, i didn’t finish the program and what portions i did get done (or attempted) aren’t working properly. i’m screwed. the only saving grace i might hope for is this snippet from the course outline:
The student’s combined marks from the midterm and final exams must be a passing grade in order to pass the course.
i got 81% on the midterm. if i got the 52% or so i think i got on the final, then i just might pass. ugh. stupidstupidstupid. and i have no one to blame but myself.
cross your fingers, but there might be half a chance that i won’t be miserable with an over-tight and sore neck and shoulders today. it’s probably been a combination of poor form during my recent fitness attemtps and the worst futon ever which has been causing my physical hell the last few days. irene from accounting has been coming over and leaning on my sore muscles, pressing her elbow into my upper trapezius to relieve the tension. i can’t begin to explain how good that feels. i wanted her to come home with me so she could do that on a regular basis, but she said her husband and kids would miss her. damn those husbands and kids always ruining things!
thanks to everyone who came to the aid of my boredom yesterday. mkh was the quickest to come to my rescue, but my british bunny definitely won the prize for volume. i swear, i wrote more in emails to iain yesterday than i’ve written here in the last month. god, that boy can converse! the very best thing about emails with iain is that one email of one line somehow transmogrifies into five different email threads each with five to ten different topics on the go in each. it’s delightful!
i’m drinking coffee right now. i haven’t had any of this delightful beverage in, well, about a month. i’m kind of afraid to see how my body reacts to the extra jolt of caffeine. hopefully, it’ll be fun. i like fun. fun is good. whee!
tonight’s my evil C final exam. i didn’t even attempt my final assignment which is due tonight. it’s just a bunch of practice for linked lists. i don’t mean to sound too cocky, but i feel pretty good about my understanding of how they work, so i blew it off. really, even if i got 100% on it, that turns into a mere 2.86% of my final grade and the way things are structured, you can do none of the assignments and still pass the course if you pass the exams. i hate that, but in this case it’s worked to my lazy advantage.
at this point i’m just really glad to see the end of this course. it’s been a lot more enjoyable than the previous C class and the previous pascal course. i liked this teacher a lot and it was so awesome to have married shane in class with me again. i’m still giddy knowing we’ll be in the same classes together until we finish our programs. insta-friend!
don’t you people know that i’m lacking a jeremy this week? why aren’t you making the internet more entertaining for me? i need something to occupy me, dammit. post more! comment more! email me! send me stupid instant messages. goddamn. i can’t stand the silence!
sore neck. procrastinating. nothing on tv. doing dishes. sneaking around. stretching. new bed == new home. hater. indecision. nest egg building. boring.
other than a bright spot on saturday afternoon and the fact that i did good things for my body by exercising, this was one of the worst weekends i’ve had in a long time. nothing tragic occurred, but i felt totally abandoned and alone. i didn’t see my friends for cards or dinner or anything, jeremy left for a week away, my father’s dating a hungarian woman twenty years his junior. everything just seemed to conspire to make me feel utterly sorry for myself. so i did.
i’m so glad i decided to go out on saturday to surprise col with a visit to her bookstore. it was her last day at what’s become the job from hell, and i thought it would be a nice surprise especially since we haven’t seen each other in, quite possibly, a year. then ritchie showed up and we spent several hours keeping col from doing any work, mocking her evil manager, joking with her cute coworker (oh, yes. very yummy coworker), drinking starbucks and randomly misplacing books just because we could.
i didn’t realize i’m so fucking short.
i hadn’t meant to, but i did let col abuse her employee discount on my behalf and bought three books: hey nostradamus! and all families are psychotic by douglas coupland and the trouble with islam by irshad manji. now, i think, i’m only missing one coupland for my collection. i love douglas coupland. really. i think i should marry him right after i marry kevin smith.
i think i need to move to utah.
here’s to hoping no one wants to talk to me today. it would be a bad day to try to chit-chat. put out the word, okay?
the crippling pain has gone, only to be replaced with a strange twinge in my back with either indicates an attack of sciatica or the onset of my monthly visitor. i’m honestly not sure which i’d prefer it was. regardless, it’s fucking amazing to be able to walk without the geriatric lurching. i felt positively septuagenarian yesterday.
today should be a productive one. i work until two then i’m off to aircare the car, get my car insurance renewed (if the car passes aircare), might go get a haircut, go looking at film cameras, and i’m not sure what else. i need to speak with meg to see if we’re playing tonight instead of tomorrow. if not, i think i’ll get a couple more movies and be a big fat lump all night long. gosh knows i’m way behind on my movie list.
have you ever done so many squats you couldn’t walk without muttering “shitfuckcocksuckermotherfucker” under your breath with each step? well i have! dear god, the pain. i really shouldn’t have done pilates yesterday, either. i think that just exacerbated the over-exertion from tuesday night. at this point, i don’t think i’ll ever be able to walk normally again.
even sleeping last night was an exercise in torture. every time i rolled over (did you know that you use leg muscles to roll over? i didn’t!), my sore ass would bump against a slat through my crappy futon and i’d flinch. the pain! someone please sedate me.
otherwise, i think my teaching assistant got really tired of marking our big assignments because even though my program had some serious flaws in the search algorithm, which i reported, i still got 100%. it’s like he got to mine saw the pretty colours, ran it, tested it once and then just slapped a 100 on it. hey, i’m not complaining. what with the final exam from hell coming up in six days i need all the percentage points i can get.
i think i’m going to buy a film camera this weekend. i’ve got a couple hundred extra bucks in the bank and, before i spend $2000 on a digital slr, i think i should start learning more about apertures and f-stops. a long time ago, my second-favourite jim (sorry, daddy’s got the number one spot) recommeded a minolta maxxum 5000 as a good place to start. i’m fairly confident i can pick up a good used one for under $200 and think it’ll be a good exercise for me. of course, then i’ll have to get a scanner to scan in the photos i take. if anyone reading has any recommendations about which camera to start with (or which lens!) please comment or email me.
i really want to start working on my photography. that’s the passion i rediscovered on the weekend. i was so at peace and blissful while i spent my morning in the gardens making pictures. i actually found myself giggling more than once because i was so pleased with what i was doing. that’s what i’ve been missing in my life: something that makes me giddy. i have some ideas for what to do with my photos, but they need a little bit of foundation work done before i can really go forward. i hope the couple weeks off i’ll have between classes will be enough to get the ball rolling.
i’m in a weird kind of happy place. i’m feeling pretty good about myself and i’m not terribly lonely or bored. i do, however, need to get laid in the worst way, but i’m chalking that up to spring hormones more than any real deficit in my life.
there’s a new upstairs neighbour. i think it’s a guy, but that’s just going from the voices i hear and the heavy steps on the squeaky floor. he/she was playing music last night, but at a lovely, reasonable, non-annoying volume. what a treat! i think i’ll like this new ceiling-dweller if he/she keeps this up.
i’m trying not to count sleeps yet, but i’m so very excited about going to minnesota this summer. the other half of the trip has been postponed (the wedding in ontario) so this will be an all-minnesota experience. yippee!
i may feel content about life stuff, but work stuff is starting to freak me out a little. i need to make a mockup of a site/interface and i honestly have no idea where to even begin. i can’t remember the last time i tried to do any creative web stuff. i think i burned out early with my fifty-million blog designs in the first six months. ugh. why can’t they give me the mock up and have me implement it? i can do that! *sigh* this is going to be tough.
yeah, this was a good weekend. it had a little bit of everything. the best parts were bonding with absent family, laughing (and crying) with friends and rediscovering my passion. i ran out of steam by the middle of sunday, but that only meant i got to go to bed at nine, which was just right.
how was your weekend?
i’m in a really great mood this morning. i’ve got my hippy cleavage shirt (that’s hippie-style which shows cleavage, not shows hippy cleavage) and mascara on. i’m leaving early. i’ve got a double-date for dinner, kind of. i’ve plans to stop at la banque to get mom’s belated xmas gift (yankee money for her first trip to vegas). tomorrow is looking like cards and fajitas with m&m&d. i’ve got some stuff organized in such a manner as to help me make some fiscal progress.
it’s a great day! come, let us do the dance of joy!