i’m not in the mood for data entry. i’d rather be doing more php tweaking and debugging. unfortunately, the mounds of entering have only grown as i fiddled with scripts and webserver permissions. i really need to talk to my boss about evolving my position into something a lot less menial in nature.

they took me downstairs into the basement, luring me with promises of candy and gentle whispering. i had no idea what was in store for me. i signed my name on the dotted line and then it happened. the woman with the devil inside her yanked down the neck of my shirt to expose my tender flesh to the harsh flourescent lights and chilly recycled air. before i could even comprehend my predicament she had a needle stuck in my arm! the pain! the agony! i didn’t think i’d live to see the dawn. then, as soon as it begun it was over, and i was thrust out the door into the grey light of mid-afternoon with an orange lollipop in my hand.
yeah, yeah… i had my first flu shot today. it wasn’t so bad, except for the psychosomatic tingles and numbness i’m feeling travelling up and down my arm. i keep expecting vile reactions. i mean, they just shot virii into me, afterall. there’s got to be some reaction somewhere inside. then i get paranoid and wonder if all this “get your flu shot!” rah-rah by doctors and medical pundits is just some evil plot to infect us all with some sort of tracking dna. ahh!! we’re all going to die!
you’d think with such reservations, regardless of how ludicrous, i’d stay as far from that needle as possible. normally, i would agree completely! but, at some time over the last few months, i was thinking about the flu shot process and came to the decision that i would get one this year. i had a really good reason, too. it had to have been good for me to go through with it. the funny thing is, i can’t remember what that reason was now. probably some subliminal message in my daily dose of buffy. those ratbastards are getting too sneaky!

for all you anti-monarchists who bitch and moan about canada not needing a queen, i have one thing to say…
if it weren’t for them, we’d be american.

it’s almost disgusting how much better i feel now that i’ve taken control of my living space. last night, i buckled down and whipped up a fantabulous stir-fry from the dregs of vegetables in the crisper, did the dishes, washed four loads of laundry, took out the trash, and cleaned off most every horizontal surface of unnecessary clutter.
the relief was almost palpable as i sat down at the computer for a evening chat with one of my favourite people. i even had a decent night’s sleep, praise whoever’s in charge of such things!
lately, i’ve been finding myself completely intimidated when i look at other people’s magnificent photography. miss julie, jim, andrea and all those uber-talented people who submit to photojunkie’s contests. i despair of ever having a even a smidgeon of their skill. i worry that my studying their photography will somehow contaminate mine. like webpage designing, it’s difficult not to be influenced by what you see. elements of other’s work infiltrates yours, often without notice.
i don’t want to copy these people, but i definitely want to learn from them. i want to know how julie makes images that are so creamy and rich. i want to know how jim can make the mundane so curious. i want to know how derrick manages to make even the blurriest photo strangely clear.
maybe i look at my photos too much, too closely. i’ve managed to blind myself to their charms by overexposing myself to them. i know i have a long way to go. my ratio of good to crap is still far too large, but i hope i’m getting better. i want to improve. this is something i’ve always enjoyed and have been waiting to get back into for years. i still get giddy when i look at my camera and think of the possibilities it brings.
i don’t think i’ll stop looking at everyone’s photos, but i hope i’ll stop wishing mine could be like theirs. someday i’ll find my own style, my own voice. when that happens, watch out!

kill me now! i have that stupid song by that american idol chick stuck in my head, dammit!

ow.
well, i did the 5km because, well, everybody else was doing it. by the time we started up the on-ramp to the cambie street bridge it was all i could do to keep going. sandy would ask how i was doing and i’d grinace* and reply “i’m not dead yet”.

brunch afterwards was a lovely treat. nothing like an egg-white vegetarian omelette and two nummy cappucinos to make one forget about the throbbing in one’s lower extremities.
i’m sore today. on top of exercising outside my normal range, while injured, i haven’t slept properly in about a week. i’m stressing out about all the stuff i need to do for me, for the wedding, for school, for work. gah. just thinking about it freaks me out. so i’m not going to think about it. i’m making like an ostrich and burying my head in the sand. just call me avoidance girl.
*a grinace is a combination grin/grimace one makes when they’re ruefully commenting on something unpleasant.

date: sunday, october something
time: six-fucking-thirty a.m.
action: breakfast-eating, coffee-drinking, dressed-getting
purpose: get out of house by oh-seven-hundred
idiotic rational for such a purpose: CIBC run for the cure
if it wasn’t such a good cause, i’d be a lot more cranky than i already am. i’m actually mostly annoyed that i can’t do the 5km course because i did something which is making my ankle feel like my achilles tendon is separating from whatever it is it’s attached to. the one kilometre course will be enough of a hoof for this gimpy girl. dammit, i’m not impressed.
well, at least i’ll be done before everyone else and will have time to take pictures. i hope.
did i mention i bought a tripod yesterday? i was trying to find a dress to wear to the wedding. i think i’ll look really hot wearing the tripod, don’t you?

look! crappy photos in lieu of thoughtful content.

okay, so i’m wearing my sexy new pants today with some up-the-butt-crack underwear (to avoid unsightly visible panty line), but we were having issues with the underwear being visible *above* the low-rise waist. totally annoying.
my solution? i took them off.
it’s commando day in hessie-land. fear me! i wear no undies! rawr!

after four hours of doing homework i went to sleep and dreamt i was in a php script which made people bald. ugh.

and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
i want what’s yours and i want what’s mine
i want you, but i’m not giving in this time
— goodbye to you by michelle branch

test

this weekend, after half-watching a special on much more music, i’ve decided that i need to listen to the dave matthews band. i haven’t up until now and i think it’s about time.
now i just have to figure out if i should start at the beginning and work forward or listen from the newest to oldest. any hints?

i made a new shirt. this one is just for the girls.

“i adore you,” he said. “i think you are going to be very dangerous for my heart.”
she shivered and lowered her eyes, not knowing how to reply. biting her lip, she looked up at him and said, “i can accept that, if you can accept that i think you’re nuts for doing so.”
he nodded in that sleepy way of his and started brushing her hair.
—
“i’m ready to let someone love me,” she said. “i’m ready to let you love me.”
he lowered the brush from her hair and exhaled slowly. pulling her back against his chest, he rested his scratchy chin on her naked shoulder.
“yeah,” she said softly. “i know.”

hessie: so. if i can find you a job you absolutely LOVE to go to every day which pays you three to five times as much as you make now, will you finance my life as a lady of leisure?
dor: in a heartbeat.
hessie: YAY! i now have a goal.
dor: heh. good luck!
hessie: so, that means you need, what, $250K?
dor: yup.
hessie: ‘kay.
hessie: you’re getting SUCH the deal here.
dor: yup :)
hessie: i only need about 30k/year. which, in your money, is like 20k.
dor: sounds good to me!
hessie: so, what do you want to be? porn star? singer? nuclear physicist?
dor: ahh…uhh…
dor: something with computers
hessie: you already do “something with computers” but you hate it. be more specific.
dor: nooooo. I love what I do, I hate the company I do it for.
hessie: oh.
hessie: what about playboy?
dor: what about playboy?
hessie: i bet they have computers.
dor: heh.

sometimes i really amaze myself with my dichotomy.
i was busy cleaning my kitchen yesterday, trying to get the countertops and cupboards clean and sparkly. it just seemed a good day to get organized. i took out the garbage and cleared off the kitchen table. i even dusted a little and vacuumed. then i went to heat up something in the microwave.
you see, i don’t normally pay much attention to the interior of my nuclear appliance, but for some reason yesterday was the day to stop and ponder just how much of a hypocrite i am when it comes to cleanliness.
if you’ve ever lived with me for more than a couple days, you’ve probably figured out that i have a few household quirks. i’m no monica, but there are certain things around the house that, if they aren’t just so, drive me a little batty. it’s not ocd, but personal preferences. flat surfaces must usually be bare (unless they have carefully arranged piles stacked neatly upon them), towels must be hung up, shoes go under the kitchen table, toilet paper dispenses from under the roll, paper towels hang over the roll. if i had tile or hardwood floors, there would be a “keep it grit-free” stipulation as well (but my entire place is carpeted, so i get away with a lot there).
i dawned on me just how gross my microwave has gotten and how little i care. maybe it’s because neither i nor the items i put in it ever touch the inside of my microwave. i’m insulated from the slime by dishes and paper towels. or maybe it’s my monica-closet. the one thing i just let slide in order to remind me that i’m real. then again, that doesn’t explain why i let the shower get so gross…
so yeah, if you come over to visit, don’t judge me by the state of my microwave oven (click the picture to see just what you’re missing!).

i miss my boy. *whine*
p.s. this pretty much applies to the aforementioned sentiment.

i finally met my teacher today (this is the third week of class, btw). he’s a bit of a twink, but at least he rewards correct answers with candy!

last week:
1. Would you say that you’re good at keeping in touch with people?
that would be a big, fat no.
2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?
i suppose i’m now an im or meeting-in-person kind of communicator. that being said, there are some people i talk best with on the phone, or in email, or in comments. it depends on the relationship.
3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?
i have one im program, but accounts on four major services. i use them every day. it took a long while for me to succumb to the evil which are instant messages. i’m still a die-hard talker fan and very anti-irc, but ims are simple and most idiots can use them, so i caved.
4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?
they used to all live far away, but i’m slowly getting new ones who are actually within face-distance.
5. Are you an “out of sight, out of mind” person, or do you believe that “distance makes the heart grow fonder”?
for me, distance makes the heart grow fonder, most of the time. but i am a hypocrite and think that for everyone else, when they don’t talk to me, i cease to exist for them.
this week:
1. What are your favorite ways to relax and unwind?
sleep. bad tv. masturbation. not necessarily in that order.
2. What do you do the moment you get home from work/school/errands?
get undressed.
3. What are your favorite aromatherapeutic smells?
vanilla, turkey roasting, fresh cut grass.
4. Do you feel more relaxed with a group of friends or hanging out by yourself?
it depends on the group and why i’m by myself. i can feel equally relaxed (or anxious) in either setting.
5. What is something that you feel is relaxing but most people don’t?
doing laundry. i actually enjoy it, as long as there is no ironing involved.