there’s a 70-foot crane outside my window right now. it’s getting awfully close as i type this. they’re doing something with the air-conditioning unit on the roof which is making the drop ceiling rattle something fierce.
as i watch the crane extend, rotate, lean in closer and hear the rattling get louder, closer, then stop all-together, i start to imagine catastrophy. what if the roof isn’t strong enough to support the equipment they’re moving about? i’m mentally preparing myself for a thousand-pound piece of machinery to come crashing down on my head. or what if the crane malfunctions and it comes through the window? would i be able to live with disfiguring scars?
this is how my mind works. if i die while sitting here at my desk, i think, someone will find my keys and go to my apartment to dispose of my possessions. what will they find in that apartment? a week’s worth of undone (but rinsed and stacked) dishes, a purple vibrator, cob-webs, a dirty shower, a shelf & a half of un- or half-read books, two boxes of craft supplies, 13 years of tax returns, two ounces of vanilla vodka in the freezer, a jar full of dum-dums, handcuffs & a choke-chain, five watches, an un-viewed copy of bambi, a large directory of pornography, seven half-empty bottles of shampoo, bowling shoes, dust, an un-made bed a video tape with yoga, half of felicity and meet my folks on it.
i really should do those dishes tonight. i’d hate for anyone to think i was a slob.

971 — www.cleverlittleminx.com
819 — www.iwilldare.com
503 — www.redsugar.com
481 — burner.hunyadi.net
375 — www.weblogs.com
290 — www.lillianchan.com
280 — www.dead-man.org
249 — www.smartass.nu
248 — www.vancouverwebloggers.com
205 — www.girlrepair.com
some of these really surpised me. regardless, thanks for coming back!

1. i love my camera!
2. i love my mechanic for doing whatever he inadvertently did to make the burning smell go away.
3. i love peanut butter & strawberry jam in the mornings

i love andrea and would gladly have her babies for her amazing generosity and general kickassedness. thank you, lady!
in other news, i noticed on the drive to work this morning that my odometer read 164,444, which i thought was really cool since 4 + 4 + 4 + 4 = 16. when i told jeremy about that, he called me a dork. gee, thanks.
there will be a trip to the farm market today so i can have a nice, cool salad for dinner as it’s supposed to be blisteringly hot today. actually, i should go now or i won’t get there. anybody want anything?

reason #39,393,012 why i should never be allowed to write poetry:
terrible bleating ewes gather,
as a gaggle, nit-picking
slack fashion sense while their collagen
slowly sinks to their toes

today, i’m lightening the load.
so far, i’ve sorted through two of three shelving units and i have three boxes of books and a bag of stuffed animals to be rid of. next, i will tackle the closets and probably end up throwing out the old pc chassis i’ve had in sitting in there for the last two years “just in case” i figured out which of the motherboard or cpu was damaged and got around to fixing it.
the closets also represents the boxes of momentos i will have to go through. this will be the toughest job. what do i keep? anything? specific items? one from each era, one from each person or do i unilaterally chuck it all?
you know, i think i need a bottle of wine to go with this task. how appropriate that i have to go the l.c. to get more boxes later.
update: click for graphic examples of my accomplishment.

at metropolis a couple of week ago, while waiting for karen to show up so we could see men in black ii, i watched as brian burke wandered aimlessly back and forth in front of the very same escalators i was loitering in front of. i was tempted to ask him if i could get some cool canuck swag because it was my birthday, but i didn’t have the noive.
while driving to work this morning, i passed ian tracey driving his black toyota 4-runner to location somewhere in the south burnaby area. i wasn’t one-hundred percent sure who he was at first (i originally thought it was martin cummins from dark angel), but the “davinci” set arrow gave me the nudge i needed to properly place him.
it’s amazing how many neat things you see when you actually leave your apartment!

the evening started out with a far-too-fucking-perky waitress trying not to make me feel bad for sitting alone in a restaurant reading a book while i waited for my “friend” to join me. then progressed into presents (colene gave me redemption of althalus and survival of the prettiest: the science of beauty for my birthday — isn’t she the coolest?), food and gossip. then came the meeting strangers part:
richard is much taller than i expected him to be, so is mark (who doesn’t sound anything like i imagined). david still reminds me of craig and i can’t help but wonder if that is why i liked him as soon as we started talking. ritchie is hilarious and has the cutest dimples. greg intrigued me for unknown reasons. unfortunately, i didn’t get a chance to talk to lauren or steve at all, but i did have a few moments with callie while we waited to pay our tab and kent before he left for another engagement. tina is adorable and funny — it’s no wonder all the boys like her. i’m forgetting several people, but i’m old, so it’s okay.
all in all it was a good night and an even better experience. i’m so used to these meetings of net.people taking place in foreign locales that to have it happen in my own back yard is slightly disconcerting. i hope our group mirror shot turned out because most of my pictures didn’t. i’ll probably post some of the clearer ones when i get home later. or maybe i won’t, like i hope they won’t post any of the photos of me (i looked like crap).
p.s. sorry for the postcard dissing, derrick. it was in my mailbox when i got home last night. thank you!
p.p.s. we’re (derrick, colene & i) are planning on going bowling next friday (july 26th). if anyone is interested in joining the fun, let one of us know!

do not go see reign of fire. save your $5-13 dollars for something else. please, for the love of all that is good in the world, do not waste it on this movie.

while lying in bed last night, i began mentally cataloguing the things i want to get rid of, and i realized that it would make me feel a little less angsty about losing these treasures of my past if i could get token amounts of money for them. i don’t know why, but it seems that if i could see people actually deciding that they want what i once held dear for their very own, it would make the transition a little easier on me. so… i’m going to see about having a yard sale!
of course, i don’t have enough stuff on my own for a decent sale, so i thought that i’d slip notes under my neighbours’ doors to gauge the interest of having a building yard sale. i’m a little timid about it as i’ve never talked to most of them before and i’m a notoriously bad event planner; but i think it’s a great idea! i hope they do, too.
p.s. i really don’t want to work today!

i just ordered tickets to see great big sea in september! yay! i haven’t been to a show in forever, this is going to kick major ass. i’m going to offer to take meghan as a very early birthday present. if she doesn’t want to go (which i doubt), then i’ll take karen.
wow, look at all the exciting things in september i have to look forward to… school, another week off, and now gbs! *wiggle*

with the way i feel this morning, i’m seriously questioning whether last night was worth it. ugh.
on top of exhaustion, i lifted for the first time in at least three weeks yesterday so most of my major muscles are ouchy. i’m okay if i don’t move; too bad even yawning makes me wince. that will teach me to get off my routine for so long.
the blog meetup is tomorrow. tomorrow! actually, i’m surprisingly un-concerned about it all. i hope the few people i’d really like to meet show up, other than that i know that friends i’ve already made will be in attendance so it won’t be a complete waste of time.

i really hate it when i start a day off with a headache. especially a tuesday. they’re bad enough on their own without any added pain and suffering.
so, yeah, my water bottle sprung a leak in my bag this morning, turning it into a brita-filtered swimming pool for my pens, notebook, novel and glasses. i didn’t even know until i was halfway from the parking lot to my office. i felt a little bit of wet on my thigh and thought maybe i’d brushed up against a dewy hedge out front, until i realized it was getting wetter. i held the bag away from me, looked at the bottom and watched as juicy droplets splooshed to the floor. fuck. oh well, maybe that will help get rid of the smirnoff ice residue from last summer’s container spill at alki beach.

dear searchers:
i thank you kindly for inflating my stats, but to all of you who arrive here searching for giraffes, albinos, sex, fuck and any combination thereof, i’m very sorry to disappoint. i admit the title of this site is devious and can cause confusion. it has very little to do with the inane ramblings of the author or the author herself, who is neither a giraffe, albino, fucker nor any combination thereof (although “fucker” might be debated by those in the know).
for your convenience, a short list of definitive sites which may be more to your liking:
– albino
– giraffe
– sex
have a nice day,
heather

this is a typical saturday night for me:

i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m never going to have sex again*. no, really. and not in a “woe is me, no one will ever want to have sex with me” kind of way. more like a “i don’t want to have sex with anyone”, “i think i should be celibate” way.
there are a lot of reasons, but mostly i think it boils down to two things:
– i don’t need the hassle. seriously! think about it, for the average schmoe who doesn’t have people throwing themselves at them begging to get naked & sweaty, the hunt for someone to get naked & sweaty with is a time-consuming business. there are so many other things i can do with my time instead of fretting over whether or not so-and-so would want to fuck me. i can have an orgasm pretty much any time i want one without anyone else’s participation. why put myself through that what-if hell? screw that (not literally), i’m going to put that energy towards more noble pursuits.
– i’m not very fond of being naked with company. most of the time, i don’t like the way my body looks clothed, let alone naked. but, i’m getting better about it, or i’m good at ignoring the fact since i spent about 95% of my time at home unclothed. but with someone else? naked? where they can see me? possibly in daylight? *shudder* i don’t think so. there’s hope that one day i’ll be over this impediment of mine, but for the time being i’m using it as a means to sustain my celibacy. it works for me.
*okay, i shouldn’t say never. if i’m lucky, i’ll meet someone before i die with whom i feel that overwhelming desire to share bodily fluids. if i’m even luckier, it will be something far more than chemicals driving us to ravenous thrusting. but, if i’m not so lucky, then i’ll have had lots of practice not, um, thrusting. hrm.
on second thought: is it considered sex if i get someone else off?
on third thought: i can’t help but think i wouldn’t be so willing to shuck off the idea of sex with a partner if i’d ever had truly great sex with someone else. i’m not blaming anyone, i just think it’s been better for them than for me. just a thought.

it makes me ridiculously happy that i managed to successfully complete the fireworks mx tutorial and the final product looks exactly as it should. i wish someone had told me about this sooner! of course, now that i can do what i needed done to continue with that design i mentioned, i don’t think i like the idea anymore. it pisses me off because i really do want to make a change, i just can’t think of what i want to change to.
in other news, i went to the used book store at lunch and got four books for ten dollars. four books for ten dollars. that doesn’t happen very often, i’m right chuffed about it.
tonight is dinner out with my daddy. i was going to tell you about the guy in the elevator with us last night who smiled at me when dad got out and it was both neat and a little creepy, but it didn’t sound as interesting typed out as it did in my head so i deleted it. too bad for you. oh, wait. i guess i told you anyway.