first off, i pulled something in my upper back while getting dressed (!!) this morning. right now, i’d sell my soul for a heating pad and a boyfriend with strong hands.
secondly, i’m tired. it took half an hour longer than usual for me to get out of bed this morning. i suppose it’s my own fault for staying up so late, but i feel like blaming jim for being so damn easy to talk to. it’s nice to have it affirmed that some suprises aren’t scary in the least.
thirdly, i’ve been having a tough interpersonal week at work. there has been a lot of friction between a woman i work with and myself. it pretty much ruined the first half of my week. i understand that i let it and have since set it free. i still don’t like her, but i can deal with her… until the next time she acts like an idiot.
fourthly, i’m going to stop counting these things.
i’m trying to psych myself up to go do my daily elliptical training. suddenly, my motivation is gone. *poof* i can’t see the point in exercise any longer. of course, it’s been about two months since i started, so it’s time that i lost my inspiration. it happens to me with just about everything. i start into something, all gung-ho, only to burn myself out and then i drop it. maybe that’s why i don’t have that much trouble quitting smoking… i’m good at quitting things. oh, bloody hell. i’ll be back after i sweat…
ugh. couldn’t efx, so i biked instead. haven’t biked in forever. my thighs are burning throbbing twitching. please tell me there’s a point to all this? oh yeah, and my sore back is even more sore, thankyouverymuch. bleh.
you know, this wasn’t going to be a bitchy entry when i started it. i wanted to spew out all the odd little thoughts which have been rattling around in my brain for the last week or so. all the things which haven’t seen light because of my simmering distate for talking. i haven’t wanted to talk to any but three or four select people for a while now. i’ve been annoyed at humans in general. these are the times i miss having a cat.
speaking of cats, i did some math and reckoned that as of his ninth birthday this may, my cat walter will have lived with my mom alone longer than he lived with my mom and i together. this depresses me. he’s offically not my cat anymore. i don’t blame him for hiding when i go to visit.
i’m not very productive so far today. i’m thinking about the hockey game and the movie i’m downloading at home and which route i’ll take to wendy’s to get my mandarin chicken salad for lunch and if i’ll ever get around to answering the email which has been piling up in my inbox and how much i’d love to be back in bed right now and whether or not the rent increase i just received will be the final impetus to get me out looking for a proper one-bedroom apartment.
hug me, please.

pretend i’m in a coma.
send flowers, but don’t expect much interaction.

if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Cancer
If you are getting together with friends to watch TV and kick back this evening, all well and good. If on the other hand, you are getting together with some kind of productive purpose in mind, expect to be disappointed. No-one will want to work.
good. i won’t feel guilty about going to bed as soon as i walk in the door.

i’m in love with urban fare. i purchased dried pineapple, greek red pepper spread, turkey jerky, tamarillo, european seed baguette, lime leaves, rosy red flower tea and kappa maki! i’m in culinary heaven. if hadn’t had to go to the bathroom so badly and my back was bugging me, i could have stayed there for days. i’d move to yaletown just so i could shop there every day. then again, to shop there every day, i would have to have two more jobs just to afford it. i can’t believe it took me so long to get there. and i’m kicking myself i didn’t buy the carrot juice.
now i’m happily full of pineapple and sushi and i think it’s time for a nap.

hockey. pub. beer. hockey. wings. beer. hockey. beer. onion rings. hockey. beer. nachos. hockey!
that was my early evening, in a nutshell. got lots of “yay canucks!” from strangers because i was wearing my jersey (i’ve never worn it out in public before). a quick trip to the liquor store to fetch ingredients for dr peppers (beer + coke + amaretto) and then back to meg’s to play cards.
i drank too much at the pub so meg made me sleep over — it’s just so horrible to sleep in a real bed with cats to play with, you know. i may never recover.
a quick trip home this morning to shower and do some minor chores, now meghan & i are off to shop! i think we’re looking for her wedding dress. yay! fun fun fun!

(besides flirt wth cute, married rob, that is)

last night’s fortune cookie:
     You are the center of every group’s attention.
you may now pay attention to me!

my feel-good quote of the day:
You sure are growing up to be a beautiful woman. :)

this angers me beyond words. they were in a recognized training area. they were there to assist the very people who killed them. whoever was flying that f-16 should be courtmarshalled, at the very least. drawn & quartered sounds a lot better to me right now.
maybe it’s because the soldiers who died were part of the same regiment as my uncle. maybe it’s because it’s the first time in fifty years that a canadian soldier had died during an offensive mission. maybe it’s because the bomb which killed them belonged to the u.s. maybe it’s because it is a perfect example of why weapons of mass destruction are so fucking frightening… one mistake. that’s all it takes. regardless of why, i feel sick when i think of it.

hugs from cute, married rob. dentist! baby visiting. hockey hockey hockey. comment overload. i wish i was a bitch. “please design the website!” work work work. i wish i could hang out with you, too. over-sensitive men. chicken chili invasion. weblog crushes/flattery. no time. rush rush rush. burp!

nobody new comes by anymore. it’s all the same faces. all wearing the same jeans with their sweatshirts tucked in — i never did like wearing sweatshirts, they just accentuated my fat ass.
it’s dark and it’s dingy, the ceiling fans haven’t spun in so long, there are bird’s nests in them. i think they’re swallows. i hear swallows are the worst. noisy. shit a lot. wasn’t there a story on the news once about this unusual swallow migration and all the poor bmw owners were shaking their fists skyward while calling their auto detailers? maybe those were starlings. i can only do two bird calls: pigeon & crow. they’re pretty damn good, if i do say so myself.
it’s a cluttered day, with lots of piles and missing things. i can’t find… whatever it is i needed. my memory is shot these days. i have yellow stickies everywhere. i used to write insightful, interesting, entertaining things on them and put them all over my bedroom walls. now they have phone numbers, ip numbers, partial grocery lists, squiggles from testing pens to see if they had enough ink to write more phone numbers, ip numbers and partial grocery lists. i’ll tell you a secret… if i have to write a phone number down, i will never phone it. i’m good with phone numbers. if it’s important to me, i’ll remember it on the spot. bang! it’s in my head. for almost ever.
i miss spud.
the batteries died in my remote control last week. i still sit there, three feet from the tv, pressing the buttons actually expecting them to do something. there’s a word for that. no, it’s not futile. although, i could really use a new screwdriver.
i wanted to tell you about the dreams i’ve been having lately. all the chasing and the breasts and the sinister heads turning slowly, so slowly, towards me with bad news. exhilarating! parilyzing. tv dreams with all the credits smooshed over to the side to make room for MORE commercials. more fucking commercials! can you believe it? don’t we have enough? there’s advertising on everything. it’s fucking eye pollution. nothing is pure and clean anymore. flat space! slap up a billboard or a thousand artfully arranged posters (which, i have to admit, is sometimes even beautiful)! fucking fuckers.
the girl, with the blond hair and the birkenstocks (when i didn’t know what it meant that they were birkenstocks). the girl in my theatre class. the girl who, on the bus one day, spent the entire thirty-minute trip to school staring into my eyes, describing their colours and textures to me with her artist’s language. i still remember that day, that feeling. someone paying so close attention to me — to me! — that whenever i’m asked what colour my eyes are i want to reply with her words because they made them sound so beautiful and breathtaking. i think she wanted to kiss me. if i hadn’t been so naive maybe i would have kissed her first. right there on that bus. in front of everyone! no. i wouldn’t have. i’m too frightened of rejection to kiss anyone first. even a girl who was in love with my eyes.
sleep now. dreams later. thank you.
i’m sorry i’m so difficult.

welcome to the canucks playoff edition! i will keep the canuck colour scheme/theme until such time as the cup is brought home to vancouver or we are forcibly removed from the competition (yeah, right). enjoy and make sure you watch your hockey!

albeit a little (read: 58 minutes) late, and wholly in vain, i tried to order playoff tickets today. i really wanted to take my dad as an early father’s day gift. *sigh* this sucks. all of round two is sold out as well! my only hope is that we make it into the third round and then i’ll get to fight even harder to get to see some post-season hockey.
i’m thinking it’s not going to happen. i suppose i’ll phone dad now and tell him the bad news…

i can’t remember if i put deoderant on this morning. i hope i don’t stink.

i’m pretty much exhausted. yesterday was good. it was wonderful to see liz again, in all her pregnant splendour. i didn’t get to meet mr. liz, but i saw pictures of his rugged self. shopping with meghan was a blast, as always. but, i got home with stuff in my bags i’d never have bought if i were alone and half a dozen things missing i really wanted. too busy yapping up and down the aisles. then i had to pick karen up at the ferry. i waited and waited and waited some more. finally, an hour late, she & her boat arrived. i don’t know why, but she thought i’d just drop her off at the seabus instead of taking her right home. i don’t care if it is downtown, i’m not going to make her take the bus home if i’m perfectly capable of taking her. silly woman.
tonight, i want to make a fennel salad, chicken chilli and clean off my desk. that’s my to-do list. we’ll see just how little of it i accomplish.
by the way, i’m super tired and pretty damn cranky as a result. i’m hoping my morning exercise will help. i hope so; if it doesn’t, i may maim someone.

it’s weird to realize that someone you went to school with for nine years is now a semi-famous recording artist. i wonder if he’d remember the dorky girl who had a crush on him in sixth grade.

11:34pm — went to bed
1:18am — violent winds and rain woke me
1:19am — ooh, lightning
1:20am — power dipped, lept up to power down computer
1:30am — got tired of watching for lightning, went back to bed
5:01am — bladder yelled too loud to ignore. got up to pee
6:10:20am — sirens
6:10:40am — louder sirens
6:10:50am — those sirens are pissing me off
6:11am — sirens stop. right next door. must get up to look for smoke, blood, or fugitives
6:25am — who am i kidding? make coffee
6:31am — yeah, who am i kidding? must write entry about this
6:34am — lie down again. please, just an hour more!

i love beer.