reporting live from chez hessie, the fan is replaced! it’s a beautiful non-noise if never i’ve heard one.

i’m in decidedly good humour today. i’m bouncy and happy and i feel good and i’m cute and fun and smiling and curly-haired! i ran into dean at the esso this morning and very nearly hugged him. the only problem is that i have a whole bunch of work to do and i hate working when i’m in this kind of mood. i want to play!
speaking of playing, my libido is back in full force. it’s all about the sex and the kissing lately. kisskisskisskisskiss. i’m big into tummies, too. it’s jim’s fault (about the tummies, not the libido, that is). all i want to do is lick tummies! *sigh*
there was a smurf in the lunch room who was staring really hard at me when i went in to heat up my fried rice. i have no idea who he is, but he was kind of cute. i should find out who it is and if he’s single. they’re never single here, though.
i’m going to attempt to force myself to get through at least two more piles of things before i go home today. i wanted to go home early, but i can’t justify it with all the work in my trays.
i. want. to. play!

this is my new favourite website. it makes me want to immediately fly to new york and move in.
sometimes i wonder how it is i’ve forgotten how much i love art and art history. if just seeing details of my favourite paintings brings me to tears, i’m almost afraid to be in the same room with them.

i never thought i would say this, but i’m getting used to not having a functioning computer at home. last night, i managed to put away my laundry, tidy the main room, organize the kitchen, balance my chequebook, shower, update my food/exercise journal and put more work into my new recipie binder. all between five and eight pm!
that being said, i’m going to get a fucking cpu fan which fits tonight if it kills me.

i’m sure no one noticed, but i took down all my templates/layouts. i don’t know why, i just felt it was something i didn’t want to support any longer. that being said, i’m a schmuck and will most likely help you if you want me to. you just have to ask. (yes, kaydee, i know we still have to work on your layout!)

i’m supposed to go watch the hockey game with a boy tonight, but i feel like ass so i’m going to cancel. i hate it, but i’m completely ill-tempered to meet someone for the first time today. i look like ass, i feel gross and i’m cranky.
“hi, i’m heather. i’ll be your date from hell this evening.”
bleh. i really wish my neck would stop hurting.

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan ‘OH YEAH’ when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they ‘high five’ each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.
24. Women never have headaches.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to remind her to ‘suck it’
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s pants and find a cock there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Pigtails = handlebars.

i’m starting to wonder about where the chickens parts go. everywhere you see restaurants of varying sophistication touting their latest menu items:
     “tender chicken breast filets”
     “all white meat chicken breast”
     “succulant chicken breast”
you get the picture. there’s a lot of breasts happening in the food business lately.
my question remains, other than chicken nuggets and taco bell chicken items, where does the rest of the chicken go once they’ve taken the breast meat? okay, kfc gets a lot of miscellaneous chicken parts — have you tried to get any white meat in a bucket of their fried chicken lately? you almost have to order it three days in advance.
i just keep thinking about these poor chickens… maybe they should perform mastectomies so they can remain productive members of chicken society by laying eggs? it seems such a waste to kill the poor things when they aren’t going to be fully utilized.
the chickens have got it just as bad as women. it’s all about the size of their boobs. how sad.

my cpu fan crapped out last night, so i’m computer-less at home until i can get it replaced. i’m quite ill at ease about the whole situation. i was watching something on tv last night and it sparked interest about something (which i’ve forgotten now). i was just about to get up to go to the computer to do a search when i realized i couldn’t. it’s freaky how accustomed i’ve gotten to having it available to me at all times, the ability to gather information.
anyway, i hope mike has a spare kicking around his office or i’ll have to stop at the computer shop on the way home. if it comes to that, i guess i’ll see if they have a processor i can upgrade with for cheap.

didn’t get to bed until midnight last night because, after an ill-planned apres-dinner nap, i had the urge to get up and exercise. i was crunching, squatting, lifting, pressing and extending all freaking evening as i watched, for the first time, the bachelor (i picked a good one, too! a chick didn’t move on to the next round, had panic attack and started hyperventilating on camera! yeah, i love reality television.).
of course, i overslept this morning. it’s amazing i was only five minutes late for work, especially considering i had to stop for gas on the way. cute esso station boy saw me and said hi, too. yay.
i chickened out of ordering groceries last night. not so much chickened, really; but, i blew my budget so i can’t afford to stock up until i get paid on friday. stupid money.
i’m antsy. i have a rock in my shoe. my chair squeaks. my neck-crick is back. my hands are all red and puffy for some reason. i bought the winning lottery ticket this morning, so don’t waste your money — i’m going to win. i like playing backgammon. i learned to play backgammon on waikiki beach when i was nine years old. i phoned my mom today to ask her a medicine-related question and i answered it myself while talking to her. i have an email i have to write which i am putting off. i’m not being very productive. i’m specifically mentioning neall just to make him blush. it’s raining and i don’t care. i want to go home and do my dishes so i can dirty more making something vegetably for dinner.
if you’re job hunting or bored and want to re-work your resume, here’s an interesting article i just found on the subject. i see a lot of resumes in my job (4,369 so far in 2002) and cannot stress to you the importance of number ten. by the way, two other resume tips: have all your contact information in one place (preferably the top of the first page) and in one font size (preferably 10-12pt). also, if you have an unusual/ethnic/gender-neutral name, include some clue as to your sex. it’s embarrassing to send out letters or make calls to “mr. chris parkinson” only to find he’s actually a she.

daylight savings time is cruel. when my alarm went off at 5:27am, my first thought was “it’s too early to get up”. i was right. it was really only 4:27am, which is far too early to get up.
as proof that water (used as a metaphor for emotions, you see) will seek its own level, i am now happily burping chicken chili burps as i plow merrily through my workload.
chris, the recently divorced co-worker i’ve always been rather fond of, is looking damn fine of late. new duds, new haircut, lost weight, working out. i must remember to invite him out for lunch one day soon. nothing like a little rebound romance with a divorcee!
i wonder if there’s anyone in the gym right now. i feel the urge to use some muscles…
tonight, i’m going to order my groceries online! i’m nervous and excited about it. i have a load of canned goods i need to buy to stock up my seriously naked pantry and i hate lugging them in from the car. actually, i hate making more than one trip with groceries from the car. i don’t know why. i just do. so, this way i let someone else lug them right to my door! how ingenious! the prices are pretty good so far, too. i love the internet!

i’m fairly disgusted with myself right now. it’s a beautiful, brilliant spring day outside and i’m in here doing dishes, organizing my directories, posting, and messing with online grocery sites. i should be out there. doing something. playing. walking. reading. anything!
small consolation: all my windows are open so i’m getting a pitiful excuse for fresh air.

talked the friends into going for japanese food last night. thankfully. i’ve been craving kappa maki for several days. each little green and white roll was a party in my mouth. just thinking about it makes me want to go back for more. *drool* the vegetable tempura! the imitation crab! the gomaae! the yakisoba!
dammit, now i’m hungry.

you know, i owe a lot of different people email right now. i haven’t replied to any in at least a week. on the other hand, i’ve posted a lot this week. it’s a pattern. when i post a lot, i don’t email. when i’m emailing people, my posting dwindles significantly. i can’t seem to keep a balance between the two. mostly it’s because i’m emailing what i’d post and posting what i’d email and i really, really, really hate to repeat myself.
in most cases, if i’ve already posted my news i’ll say “go read my site” just to save the typing. it’s not even being lazy, i just can’t deal with repeating myself. it’s a combination of irritation at the need to say something more than once and a self-conciousness about the worth of my stories to tell over again. it’s one of the reasons i hate the first days back at work after a vacation, everyone individually asks me how it was and what i did and this and that and it drives me nuts.
yes, i know i should be thankful that people actually care and bother to inquire after my life. i’m allowed to be difficult. i’m a girl. *grin*

i’ve had a sample of one of those new lipsticks which will never wear off kicking around in the bottom of my makeup bag for probably a year or so. i’d never tried it because it was this grapey-purple colour i thought would be too dark for me. today, post-shower but pre-laundry, i found it and put it on. you know, it doesn’t look half bad, if i do say so myself.
of course, now i’m headed out to the friends’ and they’ll mock me for wearing lip colour. it’s not my fault this stuff won’t fucking wipe off, even when you want it to! *runs out to buy full-size*

long day.

i’m not going tonight.
stop looking at me like that. i’m not scared or intimidated. well, okay, not a lot. i’m tired and cranky. yesterday was 11 hours of non-stop typing. today, although the standard 8, is also non-stop. my wrists are burning, my ass is throbbing and my eyes are being held in only by my glasses. i would be shitty company for anyone but my futon, so i’m staying home tonight.
plus, i promised my dad i’d have his project done by the end of the week and i haven’t even started it yet. yay! i get to do more keyboarding when i get home!
i wanted to let all you wonderful, supportive, and annoying forceful people know about my decision. don’t worry, jish’ll blow through town again and i’ll be at the next meet’n’greet with my undeniable hessie charm in tow. *smooch*

something in the vicinity of my desk smells like poo. i can’t tell if it’s a person, a shoe, or someone’s idea of ethnic breakfast. actually, i don’t care what it is as long as it goes away.
and, no, it’s not me (i know you all so very well). i’m freshly showered and smelling like raspberries, thankyouverymuch.

a couple months ago, i received an email from jish inviting me out to a informal gathering of vancouver bloggers. this was pretty impressive considering mr. jish’s internet notoriety. i didn’t go. i chickened out. i didn’t want to be judged or ruin my carefully crafted “image”. my foothold in the community was tenuous at best. i regret it.
a couple of days ago, i received an email from jish inviting me out to an informal gathering of vancouver bloggers. it is still pretty impressive considering mr. jish’s internet notoriety. i don’t know if i’m going or not. i’m getting braver, but am i that brave? the more i read about devon, paul, col and derrick the more i’d love an opportunity to meet them in person. i’m still chicken. i still fear judgement and rejection. i have until seven-thirty tonight to decide. i will probably regret it.

for an entire month! or longer if she finds a job.
yay!
i just got home from picking her up, getting her stuff into her room at the ywca and going out for coffee (i had a coconut swirl mocha — i’ll be up all night). god, it’s been a year since she was here last, but it’s like she’s never left. i couldn’t stop talking, telling her about my life. i spent most of the drive home thinking about the things i forgot to mention. of course, if we corresponded on even a semi-regular basis i wouldn’t have to rush through all these things when i see her. but, the best part is, we obviously don’t need to. we like each other just fine, regardless of the time or distance.
karen is here! wahoo!