pity party

i feel horribly sorry for myself right now. so i berate myself for feeling that way when i have no good reason to. maybe i’ll drink that ice wine i have in the fridge. no, i won’t do that. i’ve never been a drinker, which is a very good thing. too many alcoholics in my family as it is. okay, so i won’t drink. i could eat! but there’s nothing really bad for me to eat and there’s no point in emotional eating if it’s not junk food. i could work on the redesign, but that will just depress me more. i was so excited about it, but now… i’m already over-used to it. i could go for a drive in my freshly repaired car! but then i’ll miss out if m&m want to play tonight, which is, if i’m really honest, what i’m sitting here waiting for. i need more friends. hah! i could phone anthony! i stole his phone number off his application form. naw, he’s probably out doing cool things with his cool bootlegger buddies. it’s too late to go buy new jeans. i’m too broke to go rent a movie. i could phone tyler, whom i haven’t talked to in what seems like a very long time; but, i’m doing that whole passive-aggressive testing thing by waiting to see if he loves me enough to finally spend his own money to phone me. hey, at least i admit that’s what i’m doing. i’ll probably smoke a little, maybe even do dishes and read a while longer. i’ll give the folks up the hill another half hour before i get into my comfy pants. i’ve been dressed far too long today as it is. mmm, mono-paragraph. it’s like highschool all over again.