pressure valve

i’ve managed to work myself into a right foul humour by second-guessing the reasons behind the blatant avoidance of any discussion about last week’s occurances with the aforementioned boy and jumping to conclusions that this is my karmic payback for being confused and recalcitrant about telling morgan how i felt about him this summer. i get what he’s doing. i’m queen of “ignore it and maybe it’ll go away”. that doesn’t mean it’s not seriously fucking with my head, though. you see, i’m also queen of “the run-away imagination”.
it just seems as if everything is weighing me down right now. emotionally, financially, socially. i have so much to do and every one thing i accomplish, two more things either break or get added to the list. people are mostly annoying me and i can’t wait to get away from them, yet the ones i want to spend time with because they comfort me aren’t available for whatever reasons.
fuck, i hate feeling this way. i don’t know what i’m going to do to dig myself out of it, though. i don’t want to be the whiny, emotionally-unstable, self-loathing person everyone shies away from when they get “moody”. i hate being a high-maintenance friend. i wish chocolate really was a cure-all. i’m afraid to ask for help.