tales from the crossing guard

by

preface: my glasses are just the tiniest bit crooked and it’s driving me nuts.
i spent four hours saturday night wearing a reflextive vest trying to keep spectators out of the path of the relay runners. first, people are stupid. second, people don’t listen. third, people are stupid. a few select examples:
– i yell “watch out for the runners, please!” man stops dead in the middle of the path and looks behind him (i’m in front). a runner nearly collides with him. he looks surprised.
– i yell “watch out for the runners, please!” woman is halfway across the path, when she hears me she starts backing up, right into a runner. she looks surprised.
– i yell “watch out for the runners, please!” man, with two women, stops and looks around. his female friends stop him from hitting a runner. he looks at me and says, “all i heard was ‘swish swish swish swish’!” he smiles like this is funny.
one scary example of the state of youth:
– i put my arm out to stop a young boy from running head-long into a runner. he immediately spins round at me with his fists raised, ready to strike.
at the beginning of the evening, when someone successfully crossed in time to avoid runners i’d say “thank you”, and i actually meant “thank you”. by ten o’clock, my saying “thank you” actually meant more like “fuck off you cocksucking motherfucking assholes!”
i hate people.
epilogue: my feet and lower legs were so bloody sore from standing there for four hours. it’s a lot harder than it looks, especially for someone who works a desk job.

Posted in: words

11 Thoughts on “tales from the crossing guard”

  1. Goddess on June 18, 2001 at 09:27 said:

    *charges out and takes out as many runners as she can with one swoop*
    :)

  2. heather on June 18, 2001 at 10:00 said:

    thank you!

  3. Goddess on June 18, 2001 at 10:04 said:

    I don’t think you REALLY meant “thank you!” now did you?
    *sticks out leg to trip up as many runners as she can*

  4. paige on June 18, 2001 at 10:19 said:

    *pushes Goddess into the throng of runners*
    THANK YOU!!!

  5. Goddess on June 18, 2001 at 10:32 said:

    *hands thirsty runners cups of salty water*

  6. heather on June 18, 2001 at 10:41 said:

    don’t make me call the cop over.

  7. Goddess on June 18, 2001 at 10:51 said:

    Doh!
    Really, that was very nice of you to volunteer your time like that to help. :)

  8. dangerman on June 18, 2001 at 10:54 said:

    *mocks reflective vest*

  9. kaydee on June 18, 2001 at 11:59 said:

    wow, what a job!?

  10. heather on June 18, 2001 at 12:10 said:

    *glares at dangerman*
    don’t make me spank you.

  11. fizzgig on June 18, 2001 at 13:00 said:

    now try doin that for a livin during a summer, on the highway.. for 8 to 12 hours a day. Good lord… Instead of keepin some pedestrian from bumpin into a runner, you’re workin on keepin some dipshit in a pickup from drivin into a backing excavator…

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