weekend update

my weekend was quite the letdown. friday was good. my chicken cacciatore creation was well received, but next time i’m putting in more salt and maybe baking some parmesan cheese on the top before serving. saturday, i worked for three hours then came home and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the night. except some dishes, but they don’t count. sunday, i did laundry, grocery shopped, watched coronation street and cooked stuff. then i spent a couple hours too many online talking. i should have gone to bed earlier. i can feel the drag.
i phoned tyler before i went to sleep, but he wasn’t home. i don’t think he got the message, else he probably would have returned my call regardless of the time he got back. i didn’t have much to say, but i really wanted to hear his voice. i had been talking about him and i realized, again, how much he meant to me and also how scared i was of losing what we have right now. you have to understand that we’ve known each other for at least five years, maybe more because i’ve actually lost count. and, in all that time, we’ve never met. nope, not once.
i’ve thought long and hard about hopping on a plane and going to los angeles for the weekend to visit. i could easily do it. it’s relatively cheap to get there from here. flights are frequent thanks to the hollywood north phenomenon. i’m just absolutely scared to death that once we meet, the relationship we have right now will change. and i would rather die than lose what we have. if i could be guaranteed that either nothing will change or it will get better, then see ya! i’m on my way to the airport. but i don’t know that and it’s the uncertainty which keeps me here, letting his mental picture of me remain undisturbed and perfect. i absolutely refuse to do anything which will risk our friendship.