what-ever

i’m tired and cranky and pissed off and angry and sad and i feel fat and gross. everything and everyone is annoying me today. i don’t want to be at work. i don’t want to be at home. i don’t want to be anywhere with anyone. i don’t want to be alone. i want to be held. i don’t want anyone to touch me. i want to get drunk. i don’t want to smell booze. i want to smoke. i can’t stand smoking. i want to drive far away. my car can barely make it home. i hate my coworkers. they’re the best thing about my job. i want to spend money. i don’t have any money to spend. i want to sleep. i don’t want to dream. i need a haircut. i want a bath. i want to go swimming. i want to forget seattle exists. i want to read. i want to go see a movie. i want to scream. i want to run down the hallway, waving my arms, yelling “fuck you! fuck you! fuck you!” i want to play bingo. i want to be twenty-six. i want to wear my pajamas to work. i want to play the piano. i want to cry.