i find it interesting that since celebrating my one year anniversary of getting my D70, i’ve barely taken any photos.
i’ve complained about this before, both to the internet and live people, but i’m feeling really blocked creatively. i don’t feel like i’m seeing things in a unique or interesting way and i certainly don’t feel like i’m capable of conveying anything i might see with my camera. i look through the photos on flickr and i see all this stuff which is so amazing & beautiful & technical and i think a combination of “well, i can’t do that” and “it’s already been done, so why try to imitate”.
there’s an amazing opportunity coming up for me to share a table at a christmas craft fair at my dad’s social club. i could start testing the water to see if my photocards have any marketability. jeremy’s expressed keen interest in a series of holiday themed cards, but i don’t have any holiday themed photos to make them out of. while down in america, jen and mel suggested i go into the stores with holiday displays and photograph them for my cards. i totally balked. at all of it.
if i really want to try to make this, if not profitable, a cost-matching endeavour i really have to stop being so afraid of failure. if i don’t even try i can’t possibly succeed.
i can’t be shy about telling you all that i have a store at which you can order prints, cards, calendars with my photos on them. that i’ll put up any photo you like in whatever form you want from whichever site i have, you just have to tell me what you want.
selling myself is not my strong suit. maybe i need a shill.
it’s sad when you have to choose between getting a haircut and buying groceries with your last twenty bucks before payday. i chose groceries, by the way.
this comic sums up how i’m feeling right about now. i’ve too much to do, both at work and at home. i’m starting to stress myself out about it all. i know i need to just breathe through it, get all zen and stuff, but it’s hard when you’re prone to OCD tendencies as i am.
today, i am 33 1/3 years old. get it?
i have decided that i’m not going to even attempt to read the wheel of time books until mr. jordan has wrapped it all up with a neat little bow. at which time i will re-read the entire series from start to finish. it’s eleven books long so far with three million characters in two million locations. there’s no way one can keep up when the books only come out every two years, so i’m no longer going to try. take that, robert!
one word: ponytails.
day three of nanowrimo and i still haven’t typed a word. yeah, i’m really glad i told the internet my intention to participate only to FAIL MISERABLY right out of the gate.
this photo is for kevin. the entire ensemble (which means props) can be seen here. i really should have gotten the nose with whiskers i saw at bellis fair last week.
so, in a fit of “i’ve got to start something, anything, dammit” i signed up for nanowrimo this year. i had no idea what kind of novella (that “la” takes a lot of pressure off) i wanted to write, but i’ve been half-starting them for years and thought maybe having a firm deadline might actually give me some incentive to do more than half-start. i was the queen of last minute paper-writing in school. i’d do some reasearch the week the assignment was given then i’d do nothing until the day before it was due. i wasn’t lazy; it was all about the adrenaline.
i thought that having a firm writing committment would be good for me. that i could take lucy out to a cafe, continue my search for the best latte in town and write without the distractions of what’s on television or dishes needing doing or whatever else it is which would distract me. i still think it’s a good idea. i’ll flex my brain. i’ll get out of the house. i’ll drink more coffee.
i’ve decided that i’m finally going to write the story which has been percolating in my brain for almost a decade. joe knows the title. joe knows the plot. joe even knows the devices. too bad i don’t know joe anymore.
it’s also too bad i just picked up from the library a copy of the eleventh wheel of time book. the worst part, even more than it being two years since i read the last one and only having a vague recollection of the dozens of characters in it, is that it’s 761 pages i need to read in the next two weeks. no renewals. there goes that jumpstart i was imagining.
expect updates (read: whining) about the writing process. i have very few expectations for the whole thing, so hopefully i won’t disappoint myself too much if i don’t make it.
today i’m dressed up at the killer rabbit from the cave of caerbannog. if you don’t get the reference, then you suck. of course, by that critera everyone at my workplace sucks because not one person has been able to figure it out without my playing the audio clips and even then i’ve had to explain. it’s so sad.
maybe i should just rend their flesh from their bones with my nasty, big, pointy teeth.
the weekend was chock full of socializing and food. dear god the food. all you can eat anything is evil and shouldn’t be allowed ever. when i’m queen of the universe it shall be outlawed. oh yes, it shall. that being said, stuffing my gullet with sushi on friday, pizza on saturday and thai on sunday was fun. although, seeing people i haven’t in a while was more fun.
that being said, i’m glad i have a very light week coming up. i like all these people, but i also like hanging around my apartment in my funderpants (sock monkeys today). i have to figure out a balance so i don’t get cranky and say no to all invitations until next april.
happy hallowe’en!
last night found me:
– buying a crumpler bag at an intimidatng photoshop on west 6th
– eating a giant burrito on kingsway & main
– drinking a foamy latte in a wicked cafe
– talking with bloggers at a bar where yuppies v.2 hang out
today i’m sleepy.
last night’s foray into americaland with jen and mel was a complete success. i accomplished my four goals: buy underpants (red!), buy bath & body works (pearberry!), buy method (peppermint vanilla!), eat taco bell (fiesta burritos!). it was a real treat to not be the one driving, too. thanks to jen and her geo j’lo we three had a lovely evening of mass consumerism, topped by a little cross-border tivo smuggling to raise the adrenaline levels a touch.
i even took a moment to ask the canada customs officer a business-realted question about her uniform. yes, i’m that much of a dork.
now i’m well-stocked for at least another half a year, maybe longer. although, the discovery of diet cherry vanilla dr pepper and ben & jerry’s “everything but the…” may precipitate a quick trip accross to stock up before xmas. mm, ice cream.
my sleeping patterns are getting really wonky and i’m starting to get concerned that the time change this weekend will only exacerbate it. the night before last, i woke up at 1:21 a.m. completely awake and ready to go. it took about an hour or so for me to fall entirely back asleep (and then i was haunted by freaky dreams about having a baby). this morning, i woke up at 5 a.m. on the button and debated getting up or trying to get some more sleep. i finally gave up about 5:30 and started getting ready for the day.
this is just not good. i hate it when i’m in a weird sleep phase. it totally messes up my biorhythms. my über-social week will only serve to compound this, i’m sure. it’s probably a good thing i have nothing on the docket for saturday so i can recuperate. that being said, hopefully it will be a nice day in case i feel the need to wander around the neighbourhood taking photos.
by the way, i need to say that i’m not liking this season of the amazing race very much. part of the usual draw of the show is the teams travelling to strange and exotic places. up until last night, the families have only been running around the states. then there’s the addition of the family dynamics. you know what? people treat their families like shit, if these people are any example. then they say “sorry, i love you” at the pit stop as if that makes up for all the vicious behaviour while they were on the run. it reminds me of just how vile i was to my mother when i was a teenager. i’m honestly surprised she didn’t kill me. anyway, i can’t wait until the next *real* amazing race starts. that’s when i can get excited about seeing phil keoghan every week. mm, phil.
Three names I go by:
1. heather
2. hessie
3. hess
Three screen names I have had:
1. hess
2. hessie
3. hessiebell (sense a theme?)
Three physical things I like about myself:
1. my eyes
2. my teeth
3. my feet
Three physical things I don’t like about myself:
1. my hair
2. my skin
3. my jiggle
Three parts of my heritage:
1. scottish
2. polish
3. american
Three things that scare me:
1. poverty
2. disease
3. death
Three of my everyday essentials:
1. coffee
2. the internet
3. my camera
Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. counting crows
2. mike doughty
3. dido
Three of my favorite songs:
1. somebody by depeche mode
2. life is a highway by tom cochran
3. lean on me by club nouveau
Three things I want in a relationship:
1. trust
2. passion
3. emotional intimacy
Three lies and truths in no particular order: (you figure out which ones are lies and which ones are the truth)
1. i love mayonnaise. yum!
2. i only knew one of my grandparents
3. i love public speaking
4. i was arrested two days before i graduated highschool
5. i’ve driven a submarine
6. i’ve never been off this continent
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to me:
1. yummy stubble
2. kissable lips
3. nice hands
Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. photography
2. cleaning
3. reading
Three things I want to do really badly now:
1. get more coffee
2. talk to rick
3. be adored
Three careers I’m considering/I’ve considered:
1. lawyer
2. art historian
3. author
Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. scotland
2. new zealand
3. italy
Three kid’s names I like:
1. emma
2. logan
3. michael
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. go to europe
2. be wed
3. have a cat
Three ways that I am stereotypically like a boy:
1. i like and am good at fixing things
2. mm, beer
3. i’m bad at sharing my feelings
Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. i squeal when i’m startled
2. i cry when faced with stressful situations
3. i never ever ever make the first move with boys
Three celeb crushes:
1. angelina jolie
2. eric stoltz
3. viggo mortensen
Three people that I would like to see post this meme:
1. jamie
2. jodi
3. wade
and just like that, my calendar is practically full for the week. i’m not even sure how it all happened. it’s so difficult being this charming and popular, i wonder how i’ll survive it.
i want to make a road trip to bellis fair mall before the weather turns icky for the season. who’s willing to drive (since i still don’t trust my car to make the trip)? who wants to go splurge on method and bath & body works? who’s going to scarf down good american taco bell with me on the way home?
it’s only an hour and a half from downtown! we can even go after work one evening! c’mon… you know you want to.
good, no, great weekend. friday turned out much better than its beginning fortold. no photos to show. lots of work this week.
smiling until your cheeks hurt is very, very cool.
i don’t think today is going to turn out very well.
there’s so much going on right now, in my head, that i don’t even know where to start. nothing is starting or turning out to be anything i expected today. i woke up thinking this would be an awful, horrible day from hell. arriving to work to discover my very cool boss i like a lot got t-boned in a car accident last night didn’t do anything to make it better. nor did starting my period. all on less than six hours sleep because i was out until after eleven p.m. and woke up with hobblefeet because i was on them all night.
but now… i don’t know. the day is flying past. my feet don’t hurt anymore. something strange and unexpected happened. i’m feeling motivated and purposeful.
it’s all very strange, indeed.
ugh. TAIP is back. remember her?
i don’t know if i mentioned that she’s been gone since two working days after i took over her old job. yes, you did the math right, that’s just shy of eleven months. eleven months! almost a year for me to alternately seethe and despair over what she left me. no one knew why she was gone, either. oh, there were rumors. i don’t think i started any, but i’m pretty sure i helped perpetuate a couple.
hey, nobody ever accused me of being a nice person.
anyway, i’m really torn about this situation. part of me wants her to come by my office and see all the great things which have changed for the better since she left me with all that crap last year so i can gloat. another part of me wants to avoid her completely until either she retires or suffers another long term malady. yet another part of me wants to find her and break her tiny, ineffectual frame into little, itty-bitty pieces.
in the meantime, i’m actively pursuing option two: avoidance. she actually tried to phone me today. for what reason, i can’t even fathom, but i’m so glad i have call display on my phone so i could ignore it.
regardless, i can’t do anything about her being back, so i guess i’ll just have to deal. gah. i hate her with a blinding fury. i need to find my office voodoo doll and do her some psychic damage. maybe that’ll make me feel better.
maybe?
hey, look, i’m back at work! it’s kind of weird because it feels both like i’ve been gone a really long time and haven’t been gone at all. luckily, diane was covering for me last week and did a whole bunch of ugly filing and took care of all the day-to-day work so i didn’t come back to a whole big mess. it only took me an hour or so to catch up this morning. having a well-trained temp rawks so hard.
other than that, it’s just work and not work for a next month until my next week off (padding long weekends is the new black). there’s rumblings of our being out on strike on wednesday in support of the teachers, but that’s a whole day and a half away, anything could happen before then. not that i’d mind having another day off, of course. i just hope they don’t expect me to picket in the rain.
i’m on the vegetable soup and fat-free yoghurt diet in hopes of undoing some of the damage caused by thanksgiving and all the fucking chips’n’fish i’ve eaten in the past few weeks (and pre-empting the fast-approaching xmas baking season). i need to start working out again, as usual, but i don’t know how or when just yet. thirty-five squats and twenty push-ups upon waking will be attempted. i give that at least one more day before it slips. i’m not good with the follow through, one might say.
i don’t know why it was a good idea, but i picked up the book written by that savekaryn.com woman from the library yesterday. i’m only a chapter and a bit in and i’m already completely annoyed with her. the writing is fine, good even, but i think that knowing this is a real person’s frivolity turned into begging (and probably some crankiness that i can’t pull that off and get the internet to pay off my debts, too) just irks me. sort of like that friend you have who always complains about never having any money, but who goes out for every meal and shops every weekend. how can you possibly have sympathy for someone so obviously irresponsible and clueless? i had the same problem with the shopaholic books, actually. otherwise smart people doing stupid things just tick me off, i guess.
i can’t believe it’s the last day of my holidays already. this is totally not fair.
yesterday was interesting. i had an 8:30 appointment at the car place to get les car looked at. i got home at noon, $400 poorer, but at least the little blue geo both goes up hills and is so quiet i can’t even believe it. for the motorheads out there who might care, the list of repairs: new plugs, plug wires, distributor cap, rotor, air filter, exhaust pipe and muffler, oil change, tire rotation, and wheel balance.
the best part of the experience was chris the midas manager. he was friendly, chatty, funny, had a great voice and was totally cute. i think we had a moment of some sort as i was standing at the counter waiting to give him my money. he was looking me straight in the eyes without saying anything and then it was as if he realized he was staring, slightly shook his head, smiled and fetched a print out of my bill. part of me wants to find something still wrong with the car so i can go back and see him.
today i’m going out for lunch and a wander with jamie and then having some chips’n’fish with my papa tonight. everyday should be a friday off work!
home now. on my way out the door for a massage. i didn’t take one photo while i was away, but i ate my weight in turkey, pie and sprouts. i’m glad to be home where the fridge is bare and my bed is comfy and huge.
can i just say how excited i am it’s thanksgiving this weekend? ohmygoodness. brussel sprouts! turkey! punkin pie! that reminds me, i better pack my comfy pants ’cause i sure as heck won’t fit into my real pants on monday.
oh, have i mentioned that i have next week off work? yeah, baby. vacation has finally come to hessieland. i’ll be going to the island saturday for the festivites, returning tuesday (i know you island-dwellers live too far away, but i still wish i could see you while i’m on your piece of rock *sigh*) for most of a week of sloth. i’ve a massage booked on wednesday and plan to take the car in on thursday, but otherwise i’m planless and i love it!
that means i’m totally open to lunch on friday for anyone who’s inclined! sorry! i’m booked for burritos with jamie. =)
day two of running with the gas treatment and all is still well in the land of sputtering geos. she seems to be really happy now that i’ve given her a bit of TLC. let’s hope she continues this way until next week.
so, i hope you all know that hockey started last night. i sat on the futon, giddy with the knowledge that my boys are back on the ice, until i turned to TSN and discovered that the stupid network wasn’t switching from the ottawa/toronto game to vancouver/phoenix in time for the face off (although, it was kind of neat to see the senators beat toronto in the shoot out).
oh. my. god. i have such a hate on for TSN. their commentators suck. they don’t put the score box up enough and when they do it’s too big, too low, it doesn’t show the powerplays and the timer is incorrect. i’m really glad there’s only a handful of games they’re broadcasting this year. i actually had the tv muted and listed to the CKNW broadcast instead of suffering with the craptastic TSN commentary.
if i hadn’t been eating spaghetti for dinner, i totally would have been wearing one of my jerseys while watching my team beat the pants off wayne gretzky’s coyotes. i’m so completely crazy insane about hockey being back, it’s ridiculous. i don’t even mind the new rules, but it will take me a long time to get over the football-style penalty calling. i really hope that goes the way of the glowing puck.
i know, i know. i’m a bad blogger. honestly, i’m putting my favourite photos on nuttymuffin, so i don’t have anything to show you. i’m wound really tight because everything which is freaking me out, so i have too much to tell you.
just give me my lashes and we can start over.
my car is dying. i think. it’s been acting funny for the past week. intermittently sputtering and hesitating when i try to accelerate or take it up a hill. i finally have a witness to its behaviour in jamie. we both thought it might die on the way home from our little photo excursion last night. i’ve put in some gas treatment in hopes that it was just moisture in the fuel, and it ran absolutely perfectly this morning, but i’m not so sure it’s fixed. what i do know is that by the time i get to work in the morning or home at night i’ve got a stress headache just from wondering which press of the pedal is going to make it really quit this time.
a co-worker has suggested buying a new (to me) car instead of sinking more money into mine. he’s got a friend with a toyota tercel they’re selling for $500. being a veteran of driving cheap cars, it seems reasonable to him to do such a thing and he very nearly convinced me of that, too. but thinking on it, to buy some other car would be like opening pandora’s box of automotive issues. i know exactly what’s been done to my car and when. i know just from feel and sound if there’s something in need of work. this new car i would have no history on, no experience. why not spend that $500 on my car to help it with its longevity?
so that’s what i’m going to do. i’ll give it a little tune up for the winter, replace the scaryloud muffler and see how it likes that. maybe run some other engine or oil treatments through it as well. if that doesn’t fix it, then i guess it’s time to park it and start taking the bus.