it’s no big secret to the people who know me best (and pretty much anyone — i have no poker face) that i’ve been on the down side of good for the past week. of course, it comes on the heels of being Over The Moon for the last couple months, which just makes it all that more shameful to admit to. that’s the trouble with being happy and letting people know it: when something happens to tumble the foundation out from under your feet, everyone wants to know why? what? where? when? how? just when all i want to do is go off into a corner with a Costco-sized bag of Doritos and feel sorry for myself.
that being said, i’m rather proud of the way i’ve been handling it all. i haven’t gone to Costco for the Doritos and i haven’t spent more than an afternoon feeling sorry for myself. i got outside and walked some of it off. i went shopping for things i needed, not just wanted. i cleaned my apartment and my car. everything was constructive and positive, which is a huge step forward for me.
but, even feeling proud of my strength, i don’t particularily like what i forsee my near future to be and feel like. i know the things i need to do to make it bearable, but it’s still going to suck a whole lot and i’m really not looking forward to any of it.
why is it that being the responsible adult means you have to do the things you really don’t want to so much more often than the things you really do want to? as a kid, i always imagined it was going to be the other way around.
I think as kids we mistake “independence” for “freedom”, which it isn’t always. We assume that we’ll be free to do whatever we want, when what actually happens is that we become responsible for ourselves.
And there’s no need for feeling *shame* at being down! The people you care about most want to know how you feel out of affection, not nosiness! Whatever the reason is, I’m glad you’re handling it in a positive way, and I hope the upswing continues for you!