HAHAHAHAHA!  hahahaha!  haha!  ha.

yup. that’s how i feel about that particular set of goals i made for myself last january.  it’s truly a good thing that i can laugh in the face of adversity.

so, yeah.  two major surgeries resulting in nine weeks off work, moving in with my boyfriend and his three children, setting up a new house (not just a home, but a freaking HOUSE), supporting a new business, getting a new boss… so many things happened to conspire against my list of goals for last year.  i can’t even…  i don’t think i accomplished even one.  maybe the sewing more.  maybe even the seeing people more (thanks to our bi-weekly dinner club).  but, still.  ugh.

  • i had to quit improv cold turkey last february because it was stressing me out (i had three different classes going on at one time and it was way too much because scheduling and lack of confidence). then, recovery ruined the timing for getting back into any kind of committed class.  now, i just can’t afford it.
  • i’ve become a habitual snacker because there are always snacks around now; it’s hard to be food diligent when you’re feeding more than just yourself alone. plus, my reflux is so bad that i really, really have to stop eating after the kids go to bed because i’m not a fan of aspirating on my own bile, thank you very much.
  • other than a couple of hip hop fit classes and dance lessons i got as a gift, i haven’t exercised deliberately in almost a year.  yeah, i had to recover from surgeries, but i’ve been using that as an excuse for far too long.  it’s time to get back outside — time to use the snowshoes Brad and i got each other for xmas, dammit!
  • moving is expensive. moving into a HOUSE is even more expensive.  everything about my living arrangements is more expensive than it was and i haven’t been very good about being wary about how i spent my money.  being off work cut my pay for almost three months and i didn’t compensate for that by reducing my expenditures.  so, this month we’re eating out of the freezer and i’m trying to stop letting amazon be my stress relief.
  • sewing is the thing which is bringing me the most joy right now. i love my sewing space.  i love that i can make things to wear and people think they’re great even when i know they’re kind of shittily constructed because i don’t really know what i’m doing yet.  i just don’t have enough time to do it as much as i’d like. especially if i also want to do things like exercise more or cook more or see people more or make sure the HOUSE isn’t a pig sty.

so, this year?  fuck goals.  fuck resolutions.  i’m just going to try to be a less crappy human each day.

i’ll try not to whine about going to work or having to pick up after the kids or spend the weekend doing housework instead of making that pinafore i’ve been daydreaming about.  i’ll try to talk to my parents more often.  i’ll try to be a better friend and partner.  i’ll try to play more games and go outside more often.  i’ll try to spend less time watching tv and fucking around on my phone.  i’ll try to eat more real foods i cooked myself.  i’ll try to stop living in a constant state of FOMO.  i’ll try to read more books.  i’ll try to keep the house a little cleaner.  i’ll try to rebuild my abs because i miss being able to sit up without pulling myself up.

not goals. not resolutions.  just things i’m going to try.  because that’s all i can commit to right now without overloading my soul and crushing me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post Navigation