as you can see by the boobs and the posting i am not yet dead. actually, for the past week and a half (or so), i’ve been feeling almost entirely alive, which is a pretty good feeling let me tell you.
as you could tell from my last post, things were Not Good during the month of September. the surgery, the complications, the hospitalization, the embolism, the illness, the anxiety, the panic attacks, the ER visits, the paramedics, the blood tests, the hospital hair, the doctor visits and the fear all served to make 09/09 the Month Of Suck. seriously. actually, what’s more serious than seriously? that’s what it was. seriousliest!
in addition to all the shit i was going through, Christopher was rear-ended while riding in his dad’s car as has been suffering from a fairly dire case of whiplash. then the transmission in my dad’s car blew up so even he was unable to attend to my every whim and desire as he said he would. my men-folk just couldn’t come to my aid! good thing i wasn’t having fainting spells (well, except for that one time at the farmer’s market).
now, it’s been six-and-a-half weeks since i’ve been off work and tomorrow is the Big Day. i’ve set the alarms for 5:50 and 6:10 am. i’m making lunches and doing laundry. i sent my mom home to Parksville and will soon dismiss Christopher from my presence so i can spend the evening in quiet contemplation and sobbing as i prepare to go back to my day job.
i didn’t get a single thing done i meant to while i was off work. not. one. i didn’t even get to finish watching season 3 of Buffy! yeah, yeah, i know i should cut myself some slack. i did almost die, after all. but, still. the control freak hyper organizer in me is severely disappointed in my lack of performance. and, now that i’m feeling so much more human than last month, it’s hard to give myself a pass because i didn’t for so long.
so, now that my life is returning to it’s Monday-Friday drudgery, i just don’t know what to think. again, i feel as if i should be changing myself in some way as a result of my recent experiences, but the fear is still strong and it’s hard to figure out a direction to go in when you’re scared to push yourself too far.
i do have plans, but they’re all dependent on how i survive the next three days back in the Real World. i may be pushing it a little with a work party tomorrow night and a physio appointment the next, but hey… what’s better than just diving head-first into shallow water? i just hope my boss is receptive to a plea to change my work hours. if nothing else, this time off has cemented the knowledge that my body and brain do not like getting up at 5:30am. i hope to adjust my schedule to that of normal working people which means i might just get to sleep until 7am. on a work day! can you even imagine the decadence?
okay, gotta go make my lunch now. oy.
BOOBS!