still no sleep last night. well, no restful sleep. had just enough of it to manufacture chaotic, stressful dreams. between the stuffy room, the blanket being too hot on, my not being able to fall asleep without a blanket on, the squeaky bed (i really have to soap the joins this weekend) and the pressure of knowing that no matter what, i have to deal with the alarm’s bleeping at 5:30 i just can’t seem to get any rest.
luckily, my evening home was good. other than a sore ankle, i got everything i had planned accomplished. i even stopped at the farm market and bought myself a bunch of dahlias. flowers really are a mood-lifter. the nice man at the awesome indian restaurant knows me by name when i call in my order now. christopher phoned three times to check in — although, i think he was just making sure i hadn’t eaten all the butter chicken so he could have leftovers. i scanned the entire holga-35mm experimental roll (which you can see most of by clicking the photo above). i watched some episodes of firefly. i tried to find a spot somewhere elevated to watch the fireworks, but i underestimated the amount of people who had similar inclinations, so i just drove back home and went to bed.
sometimes, you just need to take a night off.
well, that was a whirlwind trip. the highlights include:
– a singular moose sighting at the tail end of our 690km drive.
– meeting cousins and second cousins who didn’t know i existed.
– watching my family drink themselves into acts of idiocy.
– a killer sunburn and about three billion mosquito bites.
– spending more consecutive time with my father than i have since i was a pre-teen.
– naps.
– driving a shiny blue PT Cruiser around halves of two provinces.
i’m really glad i went and got to (re-)connect with that side of the family and see a little bit more of the country, but i was even more glad to return to my home at the end of it.
if this, my 34th year, continues on like the past two days preceeding it, i’m going to have a fun-filled, hot, exciting, happy, expensive, sore year.
and i’m going to love every second of it.
you know, i could really get used to two-day work weeks.
not a lot to say. i’ve been un-steady for the last number of days. the doctor called it either an inner ear infection, virus or a combination of the two. i call it unsettling, disconcerting and generally awfully awful. i tried to work on monday, but had to come home and have been here since. it’s tough to get started on much because i don’t know just when i’m going to feel like falling over or getting ill.
the last week has been one big lesson for me on how to ask for help. it’s been tough, but i’ve reached out to several people when i normally would have tried to suck it up and pretend nothing was amiss. it’s been good to know that no matter what else goes on, i have some fantastic people in my life who will be there for me when i need them.
that being said, when i’ve not been monitored by someone nearby, i’ve been totally hermitty with other communications. that’s typical for me when i’m feeling off, though. i totally withdraw and try to regroup on my own. it’s one step forward and one step back, i suppose.
things of note:
– a belated happy birthday to the devilishly awesome jodi who turned 34 yesterday.
– in exactly one month, i’ll be in ontario cavorting with relatives i’ve yet to have met.
– i finally finished my scanning. now i have two more rolls to drop off. oi.
– cross your fingers my fortune cookie lottery numbers are big winners — christopher & i need to be rich.
it took me a good fifteen minutes to decide if i was going to come into work today. i wrenched my back on monday morning and i’ve been kind of gimpy ever since. it’s not debilitating, but it is just ouchy enough so i’m not 100% confident i can do the more physical parts of my job without aggravating it. so, i spent the morning debating between staying home bed-resting or sitting my ass in my chair at work and getting paid. i opted for the latter, but every time it twinges i think i made the wrong decision.
christopher and jen came over last night to watch yojimbo after their afternoon wandering around in the heat and eating nachos & drinking beer. first, christopher fell asleep while jen and i were talking, then jen was doing that head-droopy thing during the movie. gee, thanks for making me feel like such a scintilating hostess, guys!
tonight, i’m going out to dinner with my papa. i think we’ll be discussing going to my aunt’s 70th birthday party in thunder bay, ontario (well, nearby in kakabeka falls, to be accurate) in july. i actually have that week off work for my birthday, so the only thing holding me back from going is paying for it. oh, and the idea of going away instead of relaxing at home hanging out with my friends and christopher during my time away from work.
i’m starting to become really resentful of all the going away on long weekends i do. i love my mom, i really do, but now that i have things to do and people to spend time with, i would like to enjoy my long weekends doing that, or even just bumming around doing nothing if i so chose. instead, i sit on mom’s green couch and think about all the stuff i could be doing if i were at home. then i feel guilty for rather being somewhere else when mom’s so happy to have me there for a couple days every month or so. it all serves to have me come home more stressed than when i left, which is no good at all.
i need to start buying more lottery tickets so i can win my way to enough financial freedom so i have more time for all the things i want to do which, hopefully, should make the things i need to do feel less onerous and soul-sucking.
wednesday? are you sure it’s wednesday? i got a pretty decent amount of sleep last night, but i’m still weary. it’s probably just a manifestation of my desire to not be at work, but be outside shooting with my new camera.
yes, i know. i mocked jamie when he started collecting cameras. i was agog when christopher told me he had 107 cameras. i was sure i’d never be so crazy myself. uh-huh, famous last words, it seems. my only defense is that all my cameras are really cool and unique unto themselves. i don’t have several of the same camera or type. one digital, one rangefinder, one vintage, one half-frame, one crap, one holga, one diana. yes! i got a diana (well, okay, a banner) in the mail yesterday. i’m so excited. it was pretty obviously never used, still in the box, with the original spool still inside. it’s fantastic!
now you can see why i’d much rather be outside shooting with it, right?
p.s. did you know it’s lilac season out there? if you, or anyone you know, has access to lilacs please steal some for me! many thanks.
i didn’t get to bed until after one a.m. this morning. it doesn’t sound that late until you remember that my alarm goes off at five-thirty. ugh.
my extreme tiredness is a product of a fantabulous evening out with jen and christopher, so it’s all worth it. of course, my co-workers might not agree since they have to deal with me all day; but, too bad for them, i say. they’re just jealous they can’t go wandering around downtown until late at night and sit on the art gallery lion like a crazy person!
it was a perfect night to stay out late. the sky was clear, the air was warm, there weren’t crazy party people everywhere because it was a work-night. fantastic! when i win the $35 million super-7 jackpot tonight, i’m totally going to make it a habit.
the weekend and next week are filling up fast. it’s funny, i few days back i was looking at the month of may on 30boxes (have you seen that site yet? it’s fantastic!) and desparing that it was so devoid of engagements. i really should be careful what i wish for! anyway, even my sleepiness isn’t dampening my joy at good weather, friday, payday and plans with people i like to play with.
have yourselves a great weekend, peeps!
firstly, i must tell the internet that it is my friend jeremy’s 30th birthday today. it’s nice to have him in the same age-decade as me now. although, as he said to me the other day, he’s always been older than his DOB would have you think. i was planning on posting a slightly embarrassing photo i have of him from our first and only visit a couple of summers ago (crap, has it already been two years?), but then i remembered how much he’d kick my ass if i did. see, jer? this is my gift to you! ;)
yesterday afternoon (that’s the bit between noon and five o’clock, right?), christopher and i went to view an art installation by the local artists’ collective Futura Bold — which includes author douglas coupland as a member — called The Vancouver School. from coupland.com:
With their new show, the collective will be converting a former North Vancouver elementary school gymnasium into an elaborate meditation on the links between schools, the human body, mass culture and the rituals and spaces that mold a person’s sense of self. Says Douglas Coupland, “We all went to these schools. We know their smells. We know how the locker doors sound when you shut them. We know what the painted lines on the floors are all about. The Vancouver School piece is meant to be walked in and around. It should help you reshuffle your own memories of school.” Derek Root asserts, “It will be an examination of the intersection between desire and mortality.”
i quite enjoyed it and would actually like to go back again before it closes next weekend — but this time i’m going to avoid the very nice, but distractingly chatty, older ladies monitoring the space — just to have a little bit more time to absorb the memories. i was very surprised and delighted to find artifacts from my highschool in the installations. it just added that little bit more of a connection to the recollections it was meant to evoke.
if you’re in the vancouver area, i highly recommend you attend. it’s a little out of the way for transit users, but if you ever went to a public school you’ll find something there to give you pause for thought. plus, there’s one absolutely brilliant video installation i think everyone should see.
i realized the other day that of the six people who work on my john malkovich-like half-floor, i’m the only person who hasn’t had some sort of vehicular incident in the past year. my manager & both our buyers got rear-ended and my supervisor & officemate both got smucked in intersections. i think with numbers like that i’m pretty safe, but whenever i think about it i do make sure to find a piece of wood to knock.
p.s. not to be too whorey or anything, but if you keep track of such things you might want to know that today it is precisely two months until my birthday.
three rolls of 120 at the lab up the street from my apartment and the lady behind the counter already recognizes me. sweet.
the day after i got back from the island, i received a message from work giving me a “head’s up” that the woman who was supposed to be filling in for me hadn’t and wouldn’t be in due to a death in the family. while i could have totally let that ruin the last four days of my vacation by worrying about what kind of mess would be left for me when i returned, i decided to put it out of my head and just enjoy what was left of my freedom.
so, last week, on top of having to catch up on work, my boss decided i should have the other in-house temp come down for the week and a day to train and help with any backlogs. hence, last week was even more intense than the first week after vacation would normally be. luckily for me, this temp is so much more on the ball than the last one they tried to send me. by the end of last week i had complete confidence in her ability to cover for me in my absence. yesterday turned out fantastic. i gave her a whack of stuff to do while i went downstairs and played with dirty tools all day long, catching up on a lot and getting my “pending” shelves almost entirely cleaned off. ahh… the sense of accomplishment was awesome.
sometimes, working isn’t so very bad at all. i just wish it didn’t interfere with getting outside when the weather is as nice as it’s been the last few days.
while enjoying the luxury of wandering around town with christopher during a vacationy thursday last week, a quick trip to the photo store turned into a superamazing surprise. we’d just finished dropping off his film at one lab when we walked over to the another photo shop in the neighbourhood so he could buy some film and i could drool over cameras i wasn’t likely to buy.
the girl behind the counter asked if we needed help. christopher asked if they had any Holga CFNs in stock, as the display model wasn’t in the case. she said yes and gestured towards the shelf on the wall. then there was this small pause and, in my memory, everything slowed down like in a movie. chris looked at me strangely for a moment and then said to the girl “okay, we’ll take one”, which made me think “huh? but he already has three!” after a second or two, i realized that he wasn’t buying it for himself, but for me.
i was completely stunned. and thrilled. and grateful. but mostly thrilled. we walked back to the car, with me mostly speechless. as we stood there beside the hessmobile, i put the box on top of the car and was amazed to realize the Holga box was the exact same colour as my car: competition blue! i took it as a sign that my having that camera was totally meant to be.
of course, now that i have six film cameras and no money to have medium format or b&w film scanned at the lab, i cancelled my MP3 player order to go out and buy a scanner the very next day. i got my first roll from the holga back last night and spent the evening scanning it in. after some trial and error, i think i’ve finally gotten the whole process sussed out. i’d probably have been annoyed it took so long to get just twelve photos scanned, but i was too caught up on how GORGEOUS the photos had turned out to be mad.
for someone who was so scared of 120 film, i’m ridiculously excited to get out there and shoot with it until i can’t stand it any more. thank you so much, christopher. you’ve opened a whole new world for me.*
last night, i decided that some retail therapy was in order. i’d been putting off clothes shopping for months in hopes of more dramatic body shrinkage, but if i’m to listen to Stacey and Clinton of What Not to Wear i should dress the body i have now, not the body i want in three months. so, i did. i found three pairs of pants (plain black jeans, cool tinted jeans and SUPERAWESOME stripey pants — i can’t wait until they’re shortened so i can wear them) and a new pair of shoes (black, leather, comfy pseudo-mary janes). i’m not sure why, but i always seem to find either lots of tops and no bottoms or lots of bottoms and no tops.
i tried to stop by another store on the way home, but it was closed. i hope to hit it today after work, along with a department store or two in hopes of finding new bras. god, i hate bra-shopping; but, with the current state of my boob-holders, i can’t afford to wait any longer (i actually have a mark from where the broken underwire in one continuously pokes my dug. ow.).
what i’m really looking for, and probably will never find, is a new jacket. something nice. not too dressy, not too casual. not too heavy, not too flimsy. something a little funky, but still wearable in any situation. something around a 3/4 length car coat, with pockets, but not too many embellishments. the problem i have with buying most anything one-piece-like is my top is smaller than my hugemongous butt. so if it fits my upper torso, it doesn’t fit the bottom and if it fits the bottom, it’s all baggy and saggy up top. i realize that i could probably find something and then have it altered, but i don’t know just how much altering can be done to a garment to fit my crazy pear shape.
oh, to be rich enough to afford a personal tailor!
i don’t want to talk about it. or anything, really.
enough about me, let’s talk about you.
I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
‘Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved
You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
Someday you will be loved
You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
– ‘Someday you will be loved’ by Death Cab for Cutie
happy st. patrick’s day! are you wearing your green? if not, i’ve got a pinch for you. you can’t tell it from there, but even my underthings are green today. *wink*
yeah, i still don’t have anything to talk about. well, i could mention that i’m almost out of my pearberry bath & body works lotion and it’s freaking me out because what if i run out and people don’t think i smell as good as i used to but my car needs to be fixed and i’m definitely not driving down to bellis fair mall with the car which howls like a howling thing and the chick on ebay who has some to sell won’t ship to canada unless i buy $50 worth of stuff and even though i really like pearberry i don’t think i can bring myself to buy that much lotion at one time.
hm. maybe i’m not so boring afterall. ;)
work is kicking my ass and my car is making expensive-sounding noises, but everything else is going really well. so well, in fact, that i don’t have anything to say. i’m turning into a boring happy person. how strange.