i can’t concentrate with all the fucking sunshine and blue sky outside my window. someone take me to the park!
while watching an earthquake preparedness video in the safety meeting this morning, i had to fight down feelings of panic and utter dread that tried to bubble to the surface. i think that is my worst fear: being caught, helpless in an earthquake.
don’t i live in the exact wrong place, then?
yes! i’m so totally excited. while driving home from work, i was pressing the scan button on my stereo because none of my pre-set stations were playing anything even remotely decent. the lcd display stopped at 101.9. i listened for a moment and thought “this is good. almost like jale.” i kept listening. the reception was a little fuzzy, so i thought maybe it was a seattle station i was picking up because it was a clear day. then, they played an ad touting it as “vancouver’s most hated radio station”.
hey, i’d never heard this, i thought. they’re playing good indie-type music. so i kept listening. i like it. i like it a lot.
so, being the geek i am, when i got to work this morning typed “101.9” into google and waited to see if this station had a web presence. and they do! turns out it is CITR – UBC radio. excepting the fact they play all the stuff i used to listen to five years ago, the reception is actually better at my house than my regular stations. long live independant radio!
i got home from work last night, cooked up a batch of mexican veggies (onion, mushrooms, celery, red, green & orange peppers with mexi-spice), ate three tortillas full and then laid down on my futon with my neck properly supported and read all night long. it was perfect. of course, i made myself stop reading around nine so that i’d have some of my book left to read today during lunch. there’s about two chapters left and i’m all excited about the ending, but also a little upset ’cause i haven’t decided what i’m going to read next.
i’m actually thinking about trying to find atlas shrugged by ayn rand. don’t ask me why, it’s just something that crossed my mind the other day. i really enjoyed the fountainhead, actually. i’d read it again, but it’s only been a year and i think it would bring up too many memories of morgan, and with everything i’m sorting through right now, i don’t need that extra burden.
my neck seems to have appreciated the tender loving care i gave it last night, as i can actually turn my head from side to side without pain (no thanks to dan). that’s a relief. i was a little more cranky than i should have been yesterday because of the pain. it’s still a little stiff, but hell, i can deal with that as long as it doesn’t hurt like it did before.
i haven’t even whined about how sore my neck and shoulders are from (supposedly) sleeping oddly for the last two nights. you may all feel sorry for me now. no, really. c’mon… i’m waiting.
why is it that as soon as i read an article about ergonomics, repetitive strain injuries or carpel tunnel syndrome my wrists start aching?
this frightend me:
The Catch-All Myth: Vegetarians don’t eat a balanced diet.
They’re risking their health for their principles.
Reality: A recent study shows that on any given day, the average
American doesn’t eat a single vegetable. What’s worse, of those
Americans who do eat at least one vegetable, the majority eat
potatoes (fried, of course, and probably the french variety). There’s
nothing wrong with potatoes, but these findings indicate that most
Americans eat little more than meat and potatoes. Now, who’s telling
whom they don’t eat a balanced diet?
[from vegetarian times]
once, while at mcdonald’s with jason , he ordered a “big extra. extra mayo. no vegetables.” that meant no pickles, either. ick.
i’ve dabbled in vegetarianism, and it’s been well over 8 years since i’ve eaten cow or pig, but i still find it weird that people don’t eat vegetables. i mean, not much is as tasty as a big bowl of steamed broccoli with some salsa on top. if i haven’t had something green in a day or two, i actually start craving it.
go eat a salad, dammit.
taking a plane trip in the near future? want to know what the odds of your plane going down in firey ball of jet fuel and screaming tourists? check out amigoingdown.com. “We estimate that your chances of dying on this trip are: 1 in 15 711 484. That’s really quite good for this route.” thanks, guys!
this page contains valid css! now i just need to work on getting it to validate my html.
a true friend is someone who phones you in the middle of the day to check up on you because they could tell from the change in tone of your emails that you were down and needed cheering up. thank you, rick.
the most exciting part of my weekend was winning two dollars on a scratch ticket.
had pizza and cards at meghan’s friday until she was stricken with a strange pain in her upper torso. i’m fairly sure it was a gall bladder incident, but it still scared us all. i was giving mark sage medical advice before i left and he said “what, are you a doctor?” i told him “no, but my mother and both my aunts are nurses.” he looked relieved. that amused me.
saturday was housework day. the sad thing is, most of it wouldn’t have gotten done if jason hadn’t been coming over. he did. we watched hockey and bad television, went out to fetch mcdonald’s for dinner, and played a game of chess. i am so very bad at chess.
i was fully planning to kick jason out at eight so i could go play more cards with meg, et al, but when she phoned and i told her he was there, she got a little weird and told me to stay home and play chess with him. i’m nothing if not obediant, so i did. he left around eleven or so.
i didn’t get dressed yesterday or go any further out of my apartment than the balcony so i could smoke. i barely managed to cook a pot of rice so i could have lunch today and do the subsequent dishes. i did get around to picking up my weights before i went to bed, though. two days late, but better than letting it slide again.
so, i’m at work and grumpy. there’s a crick in my neck which prevents me from turning my head to the left. that’s fine, it’s a good excuse not to look at anyone. scary anna is off work this week, so i’m spared her presence. i like that.
she couldn’t look at anything but the blank wall. to look at anything else hurt. especially his eyes.
“don’t let him see me cry,” she thought desperately.
as the door clicked shut, she stood there, unable to move. she couldn’t feel her arms or legs, her entire body seemed disconnected from itself. she knew she should sit or she would fall. a tentative step, and her body gave out as she collapsed towards the chair.
“it hurts,” she whispered to the empty room.
the sobs started slowly, but soon her entire body was convulsing, her face contorted into a mask of ironic humour. an onlooker would have thought she was smiling if not for the fact her eyes were nearly swollen shut and the sounds coming from her heaving body were so heart-wrenching.
“it hurts too much.”
she finally regained control and sat still with her head in her hands, breathing harshly through her mouth. again the feeling of disconnection with her physical self swept over her as moments replayed themselves in her head. the small things, the kind gestures, the laughter, the quiet times.
reaching for a cigarette, she saw his lighter on the table and froze. she picked it up and wrapped her small hand around it, feeling it dig into her into her palm. shutting her eyes tightly against the memories, she threw it across the room.
“it’s over,” she said, just to hear the words.
when you hold me, i’m so in love with you; but, when i hold you, it just doesn’t feel the same.
thank god today’s almost over. not that it was long, it went very fast. but training takes so much out of me, it’s ridiculous. you’d think sitting there watching someone do your job would be easy. it’s all that talking and explaining and making sure you catch all the errors and ensure they learn from them. i’m so ready to go home. damn, i won’t even have time for a nap before cards. bummer.
i don’t think i have many words today. of course, whenever i say that i end up posting something every five minutes. probably not today as i’m training this morning and have fucking field manual conversion crap to do. i was so hoping never to have to touch another goddamn operations manual ever again after the control fucking manual fiasco. ugh.
otherwise, the day’s not too bad so far. it’s pay day. it’s friday. good hair day, until the humidity kicks in. playing cards tonight, and i’m in charge of bringing pizza. had a good discussion about books and reading habits with marie this morning. we both realized that there doesn’t seem to be that many people anymore who really get into books or reading. it seems to have become a lost pursuit. personally, i think that’s a bloody tragedy. of course, i was reading the newspaper when i was three. i may be a bit biased.
had a rather disturbing dream about meghan stealing a guy away from me, despite the fact she still had mark. she figured since i bought him over to our place, he was fair game. it was like highschool all over again. that means it pretty much sucked.
i’m feeling a little confused about an emotional situation right now. i can’t really talk about it at the moment, but it’s really preying on my mind and i can’t seem to shake it. suffice it to say, i should know better and i’m trying to smarten up, but i still find myself having these imaginary confrontations in which i lay it all out on the line once and for all. if only i could to that for real.
i don’t know where this day went. i spent a fair amount obsessing over the fate of my february archives, then talked someone through copying a directory over to another network drive, then i went out for lunch, spent more time working on the archive issue, worked with hugo on a program he wrote for me, rushed through a pile of work while talking to rhonda — who wouldn’t go away — and now, it’s four o’clock and i don’t know what to do with myself for two hours until my union meeting. bleh. i guess i’ll sit here for a while and maybe go get a sub for dinner.
tyler phoned last night. i love it when tyler phones. tyler is very important to me.
yeah. stuff.
what’s your favourite word?
what’s your least favourite word?
seems greymatter won’t rebuild my february archive page. unless i can figure out how to fix it, i’m going to have to rebuild it by hand. grr.
the stanfield boxer-brief boy from upstairs is moving out, which means the one-bedroom suite in my building is available for rent. i passed up the chance to move into it last year, because i really did not have the money for it at the time. i’d pretty much decided to give up thinking about a new place until i got at least one visa paid off. but, this news combined with my typical spring fever has me considering a move upstairs.
okay, let’s go over the pros and cons, shall we?
pros:
more room! a bedroom! i can have people over and not worry about them soiling my bed with their dirty asses. it’s on the north corner of the building, so will be theoretically cooler in the summer. will still have a balcony (so can smoke). i will be able to buy a bed!!! i’ll get to stay in the same cool building. won’t need anyone’s truck to move. extra stairs to climb – good for quad strength. i’ll have room for a bed. bed. bed. bed. bed. bed. (sense a theme?)
cons:
moving upstairs is almost too annoying to contemplate (packing just to go upstairs? ick). i would be better off putting that extra $80/month against my debt. changing my address & utilites… just to amend the apartment number. hookup charges. i can’t really afford that glorious bed right now, and would end up sleeping on the futon. the kitchen is not even close to being as pretty as mine. extra stairs to climb – bad after a long day, or when hauling heavy groceries. i’ll lose my view except when peeking out the bedroom window.
ugh. yeah, i know. i’ll wait. i can wait. yup. i’ll just go commandeer jason’s bed once a month to sate my need for mattress appreciation. yeah. that’s a plan.
i totally agree with jan on this one. there are people who take the whole germ thing way too seriously. oh my god! you didn’t just rub that soap all over your body, did you? now i’ll have to get a new bar and just lather it in my hands first, which is the poper, sanitary way.
germs are necessary. think about all these little kids who are going to grow up with anti-bacterial everything, never having the chance to build any immunities to the tiniest of microbes. it’s going to be like walking into bubble boy’s house, cutting a slit in the plastic and watching him writhe about as his non-existant immune system feebly attempts to save his life.
that being said, my one and only germ related quirk is when dealing with raw chicken. i will admit to being anal about trying not to touch it and, if i do, washing immediately and thoroughly with a vast amount of dish soap and hot water. the same goes for any dishes or utensils it comes into contact with. i’m an anti-salmonella poster-girl.
you’re bigger than the germs, don’t be such a wuss.