they were calling for snow this morning (accurately, even — it’s snowing now) so i decided to take public transit instead of driving. the relatively cute guy who sat next to me on the bus kept looking over at me. i, of course, kept my eyes firmly planted on my book, not daring to look up until he’d gotten off the bus and i could safely gawk at him from behind the window. the man who sat in front of me on the train smelled fresh and almost sweet. the old, skanky skateborder who got on a couple of stops later smelled rotten, literally. the guy sitting accross from me was writing lists: “what means the most to me?” and “what do i want in ten years?” family means the most to him, by the way.
as a consequence, i got to work late. my boss drove in when i was about a hundred feet from the door. i was hoping i could sneak in before he’d gotten here. now i won’t be able to sneak out with dad at three-thirty. well, at least i got a nice, brisk walk in this morning.
i had a survivor-themed dream last night. mitchell, the seven-foot player who was voted off last night was ever-so nice to me. he rubbed my back and my feet, but when he started taking off my pants, i managed to squirm away from him. we had a cabin amongst the ruins where we made camp. i went upstairs to check out what was available. while i was there, i fell asleep and when i woke, i fried mushrooms and ate a baked potato.
as i was walking down the stairs, there were gobs of something greenish and gross on the pale peach plush carpet. i asked about it when i got back outside, they accused tina of it. mitchell asked me if i was feeling better, i said “yes, and i’m stuffed”. they asked what i’d eaten, i answered. “that’s not much,” they said. “it’s more than i’ve had in ages,” i replied. they all nodded in assent.
next thing i knew i was talking about numistmatics with colby, the hunky texan. we were getting right into it, all the while laughing and joking. jerri, the bartender-actress on the show, was right beside us as if to chaperone our exchange. at one point, colby grabbed me and kissed me hard, sticking his tongue into my mouth. i was shocked! jerri was tweaked and took off in a huff.
i thought that it was just a ploy on colby’s part to get rid of her and once she was gone, so were any moves towards me. i was wrong. even after she was gone and other poeple were around, he was very affectionate and tender.
then the first challenge came, i got separated from the rest of the tribe and got lost in a video game from which i couldn’t seem to escape. eventually, i got out of the mansion i’d been running around in only to fall off a cliff and into the water where i lost my last life and woke to hear the radio playing ‘tarzan boy’ by baltimora.
i wonder what it all means…
but I fear I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there’s nothing I’d like better than to fall
but I fear I have nothing to give
what else was i supposed to do this afternoon? anyway, many thanks to the dozens of webpages which inspired this new layout. let me know what you think of it.
i spent most of last night on the phone with tyler. due to miscommunication with jason, i was left to my own devices for the hockey game. mike had come into town, so they were going out to the bar. he had asked if i wanted to go, but left before i could answer him one way or the other. as i sat around playing oddworld and drinking mint hot chocolate, i was half-hoping he would phone me from wherever they’d landed, but he didn’t.
tyler called to tell me his birthday package had arrived tuesday and that he really liked what i’d gotten him. he was in a very rambly mood, which suited me fine as i wasn’t very talkative. i was more than happy to just listen to him. he has a phenomenal voice.
in our last conversation he let slip what he had planned on getting me for xmas: a dvd player. i didn’t believe him at first, but he was serious. that explained his odd interest in the connections on the back of my television set. but, he ran out of money before he could get it, which is fine. i know what that’s like. he is still planning on getting it for me, though. i told him to make it a birthday present, that gives him five more months. i also told him that he had to come here and install it for me. he lives in los angeles, by the way.
i started to get weary and managed to pry him off the phone about ten-thirty or so. he always sounds so sad when i tell him i have to go to sleep. he wanted to talk me to sleep like he used to, but i didn’t let him. i don’t know why, except that i just didn’t want to feel that vulnerable.
it’s funny, i’ve known him for almost six years and we’ve never met. the strangest part is that it barely matters anymore.
the worst part is that i know he doesn’t even give me a second thought.
A Friendship Poem For those tired of the usual “friend” poems, here is a touch of reality:
When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue, I’ll try to dislodge whatever’s choking you.
When you smile, I’ll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to you.
When you are sick, stay away from me until your well again; I don’t want whatever you have.
When you fall, I will point and laugh.
This is my oath I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you’re my friend.
(from my mother via email)
i wonder if ruzz would be interested in meeting up for coffee while he’s in vancouver…
sometimes i’m just an utter moron.
i’m experiencing odd dns issues from this work. the domains i usually have no problems with are unavailable (google.com, slashdot.org & dead-man.org) while ones which are notorious for being flighty are working fine (fubsy.net & userfriendly.org). not to mention i haven’t been able to play bejeweled in weeks.
i love technology. i love technology. i love technology. *sigh*
it’s valentine’s day. i’ve been sending bah hum bug cards to everyone i know. i’m also wearing black. i was going to change the colours of the site to reflect my anti-valentine’s stance, but didn’t want to put that much effort into it. it seemed blasphemous somehow.
i keep holding out hope that someone i know will do something spontaneous and unexpected and send me something today. it’s happened before. but, i’m fairly sure my day will be unpunctuated by flowers, candy or cards. gee, don’t i sound so sad.
you’d think after having dreams of bathing kittens who’d fallen into unflushed toilets i’d be in a better frame of mind. i think the residual tar-fume headache from yesterday is what’s weighing me down.
tyler phoned last night. i didn’t answer it, though. i remember thinking “fuck, i *just* got comfortable. i’m not moving.” luckily i fell asleep before the guilt kicked in. that’s okay, i’m feeling guilty enough now. i’ll phone him tonight if jason doesn’t show.
why is everyone insisting on bringing their shit work to me this week? fuck me gently with a chainsaw! (that one’s for you, goddess.) well, at least i have my new hello, kitty wallpaper.
i’m thinking that my site needs a “hook”. what can it be? i don’t draw. i’d photograph, but i don’t have a camera. i don’t like the idea of this becoming too linky. i want it to be more about me than what i see online (besides, most of what i see online isn’t worth the href). starting some sort of submission forum would be intriguing, but i’d feel like i was stealing billy’s lifeshots, unless i could think of something different to collect stories about. then i thought about posting my crappy poetry. who knows!
while i mull that over, i’m going to try to stop myself from typing two spaces after a period. it seems that some time between tenth grade typing class and now, it has become passe and actually typographically incorrect. if you know me at all, you know how i hate to be typographically incorrect. so, we’ll see how that goes. this could be harder than quitting heroin.
for the last couple of weeks i’ve had a quiet corner of my mind working on ideas for the next redesign. it’s not that i’m displeased with this one, i just get bored. that’s not even it. it’s more like i get an idea in my head of how i want it to look and it’s not good enough for me to play with it in my head, i have to actually create it. i’m sure that’s a positive personality trait.
*sigh* most of the sites i read seem to use blogvoices, and blogvoices is making them load like slugs on valium today. i need to start a greymatter movement pretty quick.
good thing about being pissed off: using it to get a lot accomplished. i did far too much for a monday. to top it off, my mood is lightening. i’m not sure if i’m glad of that or not.
for all that i really am annoyed with almost everything today, all i truly want is someone who gives enough of a shit to try and make me feel better. is that too much to ask?
the worse part about when i get into these moods is the stupid thing i choose to do. i always pick something really dumb. right now, i’m leaning towards getting my hair cut. no, not cut. hacked. chopped. eliminated. i know i’ll hate it and myself for doing it, but i just can’t help the desire to go into a salon, sit down and say “make me look like ben affleck, please”. it’s either that or take my savings and go spend it on something expensive i don’t need. let’s see, a new television to go with the dvd player tyler’s getting me. maybe that video card i’ve been putting off for three years. hell, a new stereo for my piece of shit car!
on top of it all, the frozen entree i bought for lunch today was freezer burnt. so i’m eating cheezies for lunch. i just can’t catch a break.