getting there…

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pending BIG NEWS to be announced (hopefully) tomorrow, i bring you a list of awesome possible tweets thanks to the That Can Be My Next Tweet generator:

  • I REALLY wanted umbrella when i let you hate FAT32?
  • I could. can I might explain the mocking. my gallbladder is definitely sick.
  • Huh? : – oh! what’s for taking him look bad. ; huh? : one will come complete the mocking.
  • Busy reading Piers Anthony & zinc and have to acknowledge work emails which i write them ass bars.
  • One will make funny faces when i have to arrive. hello inbox zero!
  • Dinner when you’re late to see SuckerPunch. I got it isn’t TPass. – will come fast enough. really.
  • I have things which felt weird. the Internet until Amy pushed her sister in, that was a flu, but I like!
  • I’m thinking I never know that with five loads of the cattle prod charging all night!
  • No coffee tastes gross. coconut flavour. – oh good. epic two-and-a-half-hour nap.
  • I’m kinda glad I know, right?
  • Current mood huh. sounds like they’re having another gall bladder attack or i hope it’s going out cats!
  • Cats are confused. cats make you thought it both easy and confused. cats don’t bother. – nope!
  • I’m giddy! really?

i can’t get a new iphone now…

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because @strombo touched mine!
Kimli took me to see George Stroumboulopoulos at the CBC today. he is shorter than he looks on tv, but nicer, funnier and oh-so-chatty. thanks to Kim & Ed being in line way early and Ed’s excellent seat-snagging we were DEAD CENTRE for the taping.
afterwards, we loitered longly in the meet’n’greet so i could do two things: get a photo taken with Canada’s Boyfriend and not make a fool of myself asking for either: him to talk to my mom on the phone (she’s in love with him) or make a new voicemail message for me. guess which i asked for? sorry, mom!
anyway, i’m super headachy from all the clapping and lack of proper snacks, so this post is short and hyper. but, yeah, i met George and he’s really nice.
that bastard.
and here’s a photo of me being adorable while George records the above message, taken by the talented and happily handy John Biehler:

Post show meet & greet with George

(p.s. hey, rss people. there is audio content in this post you must click through to the site to hear. click! go on!)

back up the truck, tony

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i realized yesterday that i have $2,000 sitting in a bank account. just sitting. it’s not retirement or car insurance savings. it’s just… saved. the me from 1995 is like “WTF? why aren’t you spending that shit and all the other credit on your cards?! we have trips to take and crap to buy!!” hell, the me from 2005 is wondering the same thing. oh, time. how she changes us.

i’m going through a really strong phase of wondering why the hell anyone likes me. seriously, i keep observing my interactions with people and just shaking my head in disbelief that they see anything interesting or attractive about my personality (we won’t even talk about my external parts right now). i haven’t had such a prolonged bought of the unworthies for a long time and i don’t like it much at all. btw, this isn’t a plea for reasons why i’m awesome (that’ll just make me feel less deserving of them = IRONY), it’s just a getting-it-out-there.

i’d love to stop talking about my cats now, but they’re so fucking awesome, how can i? my favourite Amy thing is when i get home from work and she jumps up on the bed to head-butt me until we’re both almost concussed. my favourite Rose thing is watching her tubby little tabby body play with her rattly mouse toy — she’s a roly-poly play machine with a killer pounce.

two weeks until two weeks vacation. omg, so close.

it may not be a dyson, but i LOVE my new vacuum. wow. really. LOVE. it’s actually a little bit obscene. yay bissell! thanks, scott the vacuum sales guy at sears. you done me good. except, now all i want to do is vacuum shit. good thing there’s lots to vacuum these days.

i can’t get over how pissed off i get if i can’t complete a workout. last night, almost at the end of bootcamp, i started to get a leg cramp. it’s not uncommon, but it is kind of weird. i can feel it coming on and if i don’t manage it just right my entire leg will go into spasm. so, i ripped off my knee brace (i think that exacerbates it) and spent the last ten minutes of class hunched over in the corner trying to keep my leg from falling off. grr. i try so hard and i’m so disappointed in myself when i can’t finish the circuit or have to modify everything too much. i just want to do everything everyone else does, dammit! it feels like such a failure.

i’ve had kingsley for a year already and i’ve spent a grand total of $150 on maintenance. HAHAHA! take that, liselotte! i’m so glad i made the decision to get a new car last year. it has removed such a huge worry from my mind. i get in, it goes, it stops, i get out. it doesn’t hurt that it’s zoom-zoom cute, either. yeah, king. you and i are going to go far together.

ow.

my kingdom for some zed’s

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how many ways can i be woken up from my night’s rest:
sunday night: 1am – the neighbour kid starts drunken/angry yelling out his window to either someone outside or in the room with him, i couldn’t quite tell. it continued long enough that i was wide awake by the time it ended and took me forever to get back to some semblance of sleep.
monday night: 4:30am – the fire truck is attending something across the street. i didn’t realize this from sirens blaring, but from the low rumbling of its incessant motor idling. yeah, i understand that they need the engine running to power all their life-saving equipment, but at 4:30am? ugh.
tuesday night: 2:30am – a binner decides that it’s the perfect time to sort through all his recycled treasure. bottles and cans sure do make a lot of noise when being tossed from one shopping cart to another in the middle of the night. i’m all for binners, but really? isn’t he supposed to be sleeping under a bush at that hour?
i know i don’t live in the most peaceful of neighbourhoods. it’s the price i pay for the ridiculously central and convenient location. in addition, i have no control over the way my apartment is heated, so i tend to leave my windows open all year long, just to avoid living in a hotbox and cooking my cats while i’m away at work. i used to combat the noises with earplugs. they took some getting used to, but once i did, i would wear them pretty much every night to drown out the traffic, sexy neighbour times and the unrelenting gurgle of my energy-sucking refrigerator.
then i got cats.
turns out cats get into stuff when you’re sleeping. and, well, you kinda have to be able to hear the stuff they’re getting into so you can either: a) yell at them; ii) move them to a hard surface before they gack on the rug/couch; or, 3) monitor the situation but not do a damn thing because they’ve broken your spirit and you’ve reconciled never having anything nice ever again.
needless to say, since i got cats, i don’t wear earplugs. what logically follows that is: since i got cats, i don’t sleep. well, at least. while the cats themselves are now occasionally peaceful and go an entire night without trying to rip down or knock over something, i’m still subject to the noises of the outside world which are conspiring to ensure i have a mental break from lack of proper REM sleep.
i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m tired and i don’t know what to do about it other than, you know, deafen myself to keep out the nocturnal noises which torment my slumber.

heather vs. the recap

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oh, hey. it’s a new year. well, hi 2011! how’s it going? what’s your favourite movie? when did you lose your virginity? may i get you a canape?
my 2010 seemed to be the year of replacement. i replaced my car, my tv, my pvr, my internet provider, my computer, some furnitures, a friend or two, my operating system and my petlessness. it sounds kind of overwhelming (and expensive), but i managed to pull most of it off with a net savings. well, except for the car (kind of). that’s a little impressive, so i’ll allow myself a pat on the back.
i missed most of the Olympics fun because i was both working and sick. i did get to go to the last Victory Ceremony with my best friend, which made up for everything else.
i got told i was normal by the hematologist, stopped taking rat poison and started eating broccoli again. it was nice to stop being afraid i was going to drop dead any second.
i started going to bootcamp, eating three million cups of veggies a day, lost a few pounds, gained a lot of confidence and bought smaller jeans.
i drove to Kelowna in my new car to visit family, Gill and have adventure going from air conditioned place to air conditioned place.
i went to the symphony in Surrey and cried as they played my favourite piece.
i went to America with my mom and discovered that there’s no point in my going to Las Vegas because the cigarette smoke would probably kill me.
i. got. kittens.
my very best Tyler came to visit me for NYE all the way from America. we’ve been friends for over 15 years. we’ve hung out twice. we need to do that more often; but next time, it’s on his turf!
for 2011, i have one resolution: to keep the promises i make to myself.
it seems small, but it’s actually quite big. i have a bad habit of saying i’m going to do X and never really follow through. it could mean going to the gym or not eating crap or keeping in touch or not letting the shower walls get grungy or spending so much or whatever. i say i’m going to (or not going to, as the case may be) and then i don’t. and, most of the time, the only person who gets hurt or let down by my inability to get it done is me. i get less fit or fatter or broke or lonely or icked out. no one else. so, this year i’m going to try to respect myself a little more and keep the promises i make. to myself.
in addition to that resolution, i have one major goal: pay off my bank loan by my 39th birthday in July.
i’ve done some fiscal finagling and i’m on-track to do just that. what that means is that the only thing i’ll owe is my 0% car loan and i’ll suddenly experience a 10% increase in my disposable income. that’s HUGE! that extra breathing room in my budget will create an incalculable amount of stress-relief. i’ve been paying for my early financial stupidity for way too close to 20 years. it’s high time i slayed that beast and reclaimed a little more control of my money. and self-respect.
here’s to a lot less stress and a lot more fun. 2011, i’m looking at you!

but, it’s Sweden!

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oops. well, i guess i haven’t been all that diligent about posting this month. but, i will say i think i did pretty well for someone who hasn’t been in the habit since, oh, last NaBloPoMo. 22 out of 30 days? not bad, indeed. go me!
sorry about all the cats. but, just like when people start spawning, all i have to talk about these days are my infuriatingly adorable purr babies. you know, like how they managed to destroy two framed photographs last night while i was down in the laundry room for no more than seven minutes. sigh.

as i was talking to my mom last night, i mentioned to her that i’ve been reading a lot lately about the minimalist movement, i just didn’t realize that adopting kittens would force me into the lifestyle with the removal of all my stuff from my walls, shelves and floors in the name of kitten-proofing. or, as i said to Christopher, i just can’t have anything nice now that i have cats. oh well, at least i have the cats. they’re pretty nice. most of the time.
i’ve been reminded lately of how hard it is to have friends who live very far away. i’d almost forgotten what it felt like after i started to have friends who actually lived in the same area code as me. it’s a strange sensation. on one hand, it’s so amazingly awesome to have a connection with someone fantastic who really gets you; on the other, it’s such a heart-breaker to not be able to spend real time with them because of epic geographical impedance. and to think, for a good seven years or so, those were the only kinds of relationships i had. how sad for me. it both makes me very glad of my awesome local friendships and disappointed for all the things which get missed because my other friends aren’t nearby. everybody needs to move to Vancouver. we’ll get a giant old house and live commune style! but with more frequent showers and no fucking patchouli.
tomorrow night is the finale for ANTM cycle Boring and there will be people playing with my cats to enjoy it with. this weekend, Kingsley goes in for his second service and i will be exercising my bumper-to-bumper warranty and getting yet another set of new windshield wipers because the ones they put on in July are shitty streaky and gross. seriously! they only last four months?! blah. stupid cheap wipers! a least they’ll be free. oh, and Sunday is Got Craft? day! i’m almost considering lining up at 7am just to get in on the swag bag magic. anybody want to come line up with me?
oh, yeah, i think i’m skipping Christmas this year. i can’t decorate because of cats and i shouldn’t bake because of the size of my ass. my work party was last Friday, so i boycotted and trying to organize a department lunch is full of frustration. if the weather co-operates, i’ll be going to Parksville to spent a couple of days with my mom, leaving my cats alone to destroy anything left out in my apartment. if the weather is prohibitive, i think Kimli has said she’s going to kidnap me, which might be the most festive option available to me.

undecided

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wow, i’m bloo.
i’ll blame my uterus today, but i’m fairly assured the overarching reasons are valid and as soul-crushing as they feel at this moment. i’m just not usually flooded with hormones and cramps enough to let them get to me this way.
i tried to explain to a co-worker my desire to void my life of all my stuff, only to build it back up in a more mindful manner. she didn’t get it. she kept saying things like “that would cost a lot of money” or “couldn’t you keep your nice couch? maybe put it in a different spot?” uh, no. that’s not really the point.
although, the point seems to be a bit of a moving target in my head right now.
as i type this, i want it all gone. all of it. bare walls, bare floors, empty shelves, empty closets, nothing but me sitting in the middle of my living room floor staring up at the rippled ceiling. then a coat of blisteringly white paint over everything. after that…
and it’s gone.
right now, i want to go to bed with a cat on either side of me and not come out unless there’s pizza or a sack of money enough to keep me in the manner to which i’ve become accustomed.
i wish i wasn’t smart. if i were stupid, maybe i wouldn’t realize i’m not living up to my potential and i wouldn’t be so damn disappointed in myself. maybe i’d be happy with my dreary day-to-day and unable to see that there could be so much more, of only i hadn’t done X, Y or Z in my past to limit my options today.
it’s times like these i really wish i liked to drink or do recreational drugs. it sometimes feels like an acceptable coping method. but, i don’t. and that makes me feel even more pathetic.
blah. just ignore me. that’s kind of what i want right now, anyway.

from the vault: be careful what you wish for

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he wiggled his fingers then slowly made a fist with his new hand.
this feels real.
he stretched his hand open. he pulled backwards on his pinky finger until the nail almost touched his wrist. it didn’t hurt.
they promised me no pain. i can feel it, but it doesn’t hurt.
letting his finger spring back into place, he turned his head. first to the left, then to the right. up and down. side to side. it felt almost unbearably real.
he slowly experimented with moving each part of his new body. hadn’t he asked for this; to be remade, reborn, in this cybernetic form? why was he surprised that it had happened? why did he doubt it so much? he’d read the research, seen the prototypes, talked to the first, defective, recipients. he’d risked everything to reach this moment, yet he still disbelieved.
how is it that even with an artificial brain, i still have these debilitating human thought patterns?
even in his thoughts, the word “human” was uttered with such contempt that anyone overhearing would have cringed at the malice it contained.
he’d searched his entire life for a means to escape the unbearable existence of his own flesh. now, on the dawn of his new life, he was coming to the realization that it wasn’t his cells which had held him hostage. it had been him all along. the core of him. his thoughts. his mind. his soul.
i’ve become frankenstein’s monster. i’m pinnochio in reverse. a boy made a puppet. why didn’t i see it sooner? now i will never be free.
he would have sobbed then, if they’d built him tear ducts.
i wish i had known. at least i would have died.
[originally posted on July 27, 2001]

looking for my purr baby

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after six years, i’m finally ready to bring a cat into my apartment. the super’s been asked, the screens have been installed and the bathroom is ready for it’s kitty-friendly addition. the only thing missing is the cat.
there sure are a lot of cats out there waiting for new homes.
i’ve been to three of the seven SPCAs in the lower mainland over the last week. every time, i leave wanting to take all the cats home with me. with the exception of the Richmond SPCA, the cats live in sad 2’x2’x2′ metal cages. some reach out their paws through the bars to beg you to grab your attention. others hide in their boxes or bury themselves under blankets, too scared or depressed to interact.
it’s been a heartbreaking process.
yesterday, Christopher and i went back out to Surrey and Richmond for second visits with three potentials we met on the weekend. unfortunately, one showed a nasty side (and drew blood) and another was far too much of a scaredy-cat needing a lot more time and work than i have to give, so they’re off the list. the third wasn’t quite as lively and affectionate as our first visit and has proven without a doubt she’s not a cuddle cat, which is definitely a characteristic i’m looking for.
but, they say that when one door closes, another opens, and i met two fantastic tabbies i kind of fell in love with.
this is mitsy, a one-year-old female:

mitsy!

and this is stax, a five-month-old male:

stax!

mitsy took everything i threw at her. picking her up, scratching her butt, holding her like a baby. she even let me rub her belly without an attack! and, more adorably, she was up on her hind feet trying to catch the hummingbirds playing on the tv in the Surrey cat room. SO CUTE! her coat is silky smooth with very little white in with the brown tabby.
stax is a little younger than i was looking for, but he’s a riot. he would lie down on the floor and stretch alllll the way out, easily doubling his length, and loving a tummy scritch.. for a while. once he was over it, he let me know with a couple of back claws. he’s got such an expressive face and pretty yellow-green eyes.
so, i’m back to square one. i have two and a half cats i really like to choose from.
this process is kind of killing me. i think it’s because i utterly fell in love with the first cat i saw: buddy. he was a beautiful grey tabby at the North Van Bosley’s pet store. unfortunately for me, he was already spoken for when we met. ugh.
i joked with Chris that maybe i shouldn’t get a cat at all, just keep going to visit them at the shelters. but, we both agreed that’s not the same thing at all. i think he should get stax and i’ll get mitsy and we can all live happily ever after. see? that wasn’t hard at all!

oops, forgot the title!

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i’m kind of scared to post anything to this here weblog anymore as i’ve been repeatedly raped by comment spammers. at the height of the degradation, i had over 650 comments in less than twelve hours. i’ve since deleted them all and disabled comments on most of the entries i’ve written in the last two years. i feel like i’m just asking for more pillaging by even typing a single character in this little box, but, oh well. i have the urge to purge and this is where i do it best. or something. it’s probably just that i needed more than 140 characters to properly update and disseminate.
have i mentioned how much i love (and hate) twitter?
about the comment spam, i guess it means i need to upgrade my cms. i’m not at all inclined to do so, especially since it looks as if wordpress is the route i’m being forced to take. i can’t find any really good spam filter plug-ins for movable type (my current platform of choice). at this point, just the thought of having to migrate makes me want to hide under my bed with all the dustbunnies and hairballs.
what happened? ten years ago, i loved nothing more than to sit and fiddle with my blog layout and tweak settings until i couldn’t tweak no more. now? i’d happily pay someone in creme brulee to do it all for me, while using a a stock template, to boot!
anyhoo, that’s just one reason why i’ve been loathe to post anything. it seems like it’s not worth the eventual hassle. if i haven’t mentioned it, twitter is the other, duh.
i’m upset that autumn seems to be broken this year. my favourite trees in Grand Boulevard Park skipped their fabulous brilliant reds & yellows by going straight from green to dead. i think it was probably the crazy-dry summer followed by the biblical amounts of rain we got over the course of a few weeks in September. i look forward to them turning shades of fire every fall. *sniff* sad christmas.
did you know that if you don’t pay attention, you can spend a lot of money on relatively nothing in a very short period of time? i should have just bought myself something big, in one fell swoop, with my lottery winnings rather than nickel & dime it to death with not much to show for it. there’s still a little left, and i think i’ll invest in a memory upgrade for McGillicuddy — i get the beachball of death & the other day, Excel actually crashed with an “out of memory” error.
i’m not going to write anymore right now for two reasons:
1. maybe i’ll come back again soon; and,
2. i don’t want to spoil you. you’re needy enough already. ;)
p.s. i’ll leave comments open until the first spam comment gets left on this entry. then, i’ll get a gun and go on a rampage.

where’s the love?

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let’s see… have i told you lately that i love you? no? i’m not surprised. i’m not in a very loving frame of mind these days. except with pizza and my couch.
and, because i’m having a really hard time finding reasons to love, i’m going to make a list of things which make me happy — or, at least, don’t piss me off. because i really need a reminder that life isn’t as shitty as it feels to me right now.
– cats. i got to play with my best friend’s cat the other day. he’s so soft and purry and pretty. i heart cats. when my super comes to fix my floor, i’m going to find out, once and for all, if i can get a cat. if the answer is yes, that’s it. no more talk. i’m going to go find me something soft and fuzzy to love.
– HD. o.m.g. yeah, now i get what all the fuss is about. of course, it’s all thanks to the new (to me) plasma tv and super-cheap Telus tv service i just switched to. wow. yeah, i can’t wait to see Castle in HD. all that yummy Nathan Fillion goodness all big and pore-rich? *drool*
– sewing. i can’t entirely tell if this makes me happy yet, but the IDEA of it certainly does. i signed up for a sewing 101 class at Spool of Thread next saturday. i’m ridiculously excited to go and learn how to make a tote bag out of super-yummy fabrics.
– kingsley. i love air conditioning. i love keyless entry. i love power steering. i love how quiet it is. i love that it goes when i tell it to and stops when i tell it to. i love warranties. i love new car smell (which i can’t smell anymore). i love driving without fear for the first time in far too many years.
– canadian health care. it’s coming up a year since my NDE and i can’t say enough good things about paramedics, nurses and general hospital staff. i had surgery, then suffered near-fatal complications, and everyone involved in my care and treatment was beyond awesome (except for that one ER doctor who will go unnamed). i am, and will always be grateful that i live in a country where i don’t have to hesitate for a moment before seeking medical care. i know that help is there for me, no matter how much money i have or what my standing in society. the system is not perfect, but it saved my life. i love canada.
– mcgillicuddy. for my birthday, i bought myself a Mac Mini and it’s so nice to have a computer which Just Works. hell, it’s also a media PC since i have it connected to my tv via HDMI. no more transferring files from my computer to the DVD player via DVD/USB/SD-card. just click-click and bam! more HD goodness! plus, it’s tiny and cute and i no longer have that ugly, noisy box sitting on my floor filling up with dust and spiders.
– emergency fund. thanks to my mom & i’s meager lottery win the other week, i now have (well, i will in two weeks) a nice-sized cushion of cash sitting in the orange bank. and, thanks to my Magic Spreadsheet and two years of budget tweaking, i shouldn’t have to touch it except in the case of dire need (which, thanks to the new car purchase, shouldn’t come up often anymore *crosses fingers*). it’s nice to know it’s there, even if i hope i never have to use it for anything.
– skirts. with age comes a severe decrease in modesty. or maybe that was just a week in hospital with random strangers lifting up my gown several times a day. either way, yeah. i used to be so stupidly ashamed of my fat cankles that i’d never, ever think to bare them, even in the hottest hot or at the prettiest party. now? blah. i’m fat. my legs are fat. it’s hot. i’m going to wear a goddamn skirt! plus, skirts are flouncy and fun. and pretty. and i need something to make me feel pretty. who cares if my Polish peasant legs are stubby and pale. they’re not hurting you, so why should i hide them away? bring on the skirts — let’s twirl!
– Christopher Evans. he’s stupidly kind and sweet to me, even when i don’t deserve it. he’ll go run to the store to fetch bacon so we can have a yummy breakfast at home. he’ll change my kitchen light bulb because i’m too short to reach it without a teetering tower of chairs and stools. he’ll tell me i’m cute and kiss the back of my neck. he’ll carry the basket at the grocery store even when it gets super heavy and it hurts his sore back. he’ll only complain a little when i make him watch yet another episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker. *gush*
– getting rid of stuff. i experience a big mental sigh of relief every single time i remove something unused or unloved from my home. it’s as if a physical weight is lifted. i love having bare space around me in my apartment. it feels right. it feels free. it opens up my ability to imagine and relax. when there’s too much stuff around me, i feel claustrophobic. i get antsy and anxious and unhappy. i’m currently gearing up for a huge de-clutter. my first priority is to rip all my CDs then find them new homes elsewhere. i don’t know what i’ll do with all that shelf-space! how exciting!!
well, that’s surprising. i didn’t think i’d have that many things which make me happy. i didn’t put down things like bubble tea or not talking or showers, because they have negatives attached to them which almost neutralize their goodness. but, yeah. i guess life doesn’t suck as much as it seems.
now, bring me spicy tuna.

pass the cake!

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today is my blog’s 10th birthday.

i wanted to make a big production with prizes and retrospectives and “best of”s, but yeah. it’s not really that kind of blog anymore, is it?

every august 10th, i take a few minutes to think about all the good things this website has brought me. i’ve met some of my most favourite people thanks to my weblog. i’ve kept other friends and family members up on my latest antics and tragedies. i’ve shared my photos and creations. i’ve gotten support and encouragement when i needed it most. i’ve used it to learn about myself and words and html and css. i’ve vented and cursed and swooned and gushed and laughed and cried and grumbled. all out here in the open on the internets for anyone to see and share.

i miss it, if i’m really honest with myself. i miss the multiple posts per day. the comments and commentary. the link backs. the random wish list gifts. the stalkers. even the template thieves! but, facebook and twitter have made that sort of blogging passe, i suppose. i’m not interesting enough to be a paid blogger like Dooce or knowledgeable enough about anything in particular to monetize my ramblings, which seems to be the only reason why people have blogs these days.

i started writing online when i didn’t have a lot going on in my life. i didn’t really have any local friends to spend time with. if i wasn’t working, i was probably chatting online or sitting alone in my apartment. the vancouver blogging community (and, later, meetup, flickr and twitter) changed all that for me. if i hadn’t started a blog, i probably wouldn’t have met so many great friends who’ve brought such fun and joy into my life. i would never have met Christopher. i can only imagine i would be a much lonelier and sadder person than i am now.

all from a few words on a server somewhere connected by a bunch of bits travelling around the world superfast! how awesome is technology?!

also, every august 10th, i make some vague promise to blog more, blog better; but, i can’t promise that to you anymore. i blow my wad on conversations with real people these days; or, spew out my pith in 140 characters or less. it’s been years since i’ve managed to be interesting on a consistent basis. i apologize for that. i miss you, it, us, them. it’s not the same as it was back at the beginning of this shiny new century; but it is what it is and, honestly, i don’t mind it all that much.

so, happy birthday blog! and happy birthday blog readers! thanks for the shoulders, the ears, the laughs, the love, the learning and the decade of your time & attention.

gotta wear shades

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my week thusfar has completely unraveled. and it’s only tuesday! ugh. i hate it when i’m overcommitted and my regularily scheduled plans are thwarted by outside stuff.
so, i find myself obsessively planning all the things i want to accomplish during my glorious ten-day vacation which commences promptly at 3:30pm friday afternoon:
– get Kingsley’s first service (has it been four months already??)
– go to the doctor for various pokes & prods
– visit america to buy sponges, underpants and, hopefully, pants which won’t fall down
– finish one or two home projects so that i can document and present my awesomeness to the internets
– go to Kelowna to visit Gill and family (i have yet to thank my aunt for the hand-me-down plasma tv)
– sleep
– get a damn hair cut
– see Inception
– install fancy softwares and get things like my scanner and cameras working on my mac
– see people
– be alone
– rent a paddleboat to float on Deer Lake and bbq hot dogs with many favourite peoples
– sell more stuff on Craigslist (omg, it’s so much fun!)
so, yeah. i’m just muddling my way through this last week of officemate-filling-in. trying not to screw up too much and avoid as much confusing/weird crap as possible before i get to hand it all back to him with just as much explanation as he gave me (which was NONE).
i think the worst part is that the gym is being renovated, and that means no bootcamp this week. ugh! how the hell am i supposed to purge my stress if i can’t sweat it out?? good thing my stomach’s been upset, or i’d just eat my weight in medicinal chocolate.
om. vacation. om.

F5-ing my life

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in the last few months i’ve replaced:
– my cell phone
– my car
– my diet
– my tv
– my dining room chairs
– my computer
– my tv/internet service
– my pvr
– my monitor
it seems so strange that suddenly, it seems, i’m replacing everything i use on a regular basis. the last thing i have that really needs replacing, though, is my dSLR. while it’s still working, i’m having trouble finding Nikon software to do what I need done on the new computer; but, seeing as i’ve already blown all semblance of a budget with my recent splurges, i’ll be holding off on that for a while.
so, in case you don’t know, here’s the scoop on each one:
i replaced my crappy pay-as-you-go cell phone from virgin with a shiny iPhone 3GS with a ridiculously cheap and flavourful plan from Bell. it was a bit of a mental hurdle to go from one to the other, but after six months, i can’t even imagine life without it now.
on april first, i picked up my 2010 Mazda 3 Sport from the dealership. i had finally had enough of all the troubles my 1991 VW Golf had given me, and, thanks to my dad and 0% financing for 5 years, i finally have a reliable car with so. many. features! i don’t think i’ll ever get tired of power steering or air conditioning. so THIS is how other people live! it’s so decadent!
with the bootcamp fitness challenge at work came a food plan. with that food plan, i started eating every 2-3 hours. now, if i don’t get fed regularly, i get very cranky and very sleepy. it’s annoying! but, i guess the 14 pounds i lost mean that all that eating is good for me, so i’m sticking with it. mostly.
my mom and her middle sister made a spur of the moment road trip up to Kelowna to visit their estranged (and crazy) little sister a couple months back. while there, my crazy aunt offered my mom a 32″ plasma tv. mom had just gotten a new 40″ LCD, so she declined, but she did say that i needed one. hence, instead of my perfectly suitable 20″ CRT, i’m now the proud owner of a gigantic (to me) fancy HD tv. score!
as an early birthday present, Christopher bought me four aqua chrome dining chairs to go with my yellow arborite & chrome dining table. we had to make a trek out to maple ridge to get them, but it was worth the adventure (and the scrubbing needed once i got them home). they are exactly what i’ve always wanted to complete my retro dining set. yay craigslist!
i switched! yup, on my birthday, i went to the Apple store and bought myself a Mac Mini to replace my dying PC, discombobulate. it was a good run, but i was tired of broken USB, cranky loud fans and all the Windows slowness. now, i’m all Apple-y with my mac and iphone. just get me some skinny jeans & big, empty 80’s eyeglass frames and i’ll be right at home on Main St.
after hmming and hawing for a month after getting an offer for Telus TV in my mailbox, i decided to make the switch from Shaw. even with my superawesome unapproved deal with them, the Telus offer was too good to pass up. despite all the installation issues on Saturday, it seems it’s worth it. HD is so awesome. so is being able to record THREE THINGS AT ONCE with the new pvr it came with (bye-bye TiVo)! OMG! this upcoming TV season is going to be SO AWESOME!
the problem, it seems, with replacing one thing is it leads to another. that’s why after getting the new, fast, sexy Mac Mini, i ended up buying a new, shiny 23″ monitor. i hadn’t planned on it, i swear! i wasn’t even looking, until Chris pointed out the pile of really cheap Samsung monitors at NCIX while we were there picking up a new power bar and HDMI adapter (did i mention, i can connect the new Mac to my new TV to watch downloaded stuff without any converting or transferring? SO HAWT!). it was one of those times it was just too perfect to say no to. the monitor cost pretty close to the savings from cancelling my tivo service because of the new Telus TV service. it all fell into place and now i’m swimming in screen real estate!
here endeth my journal of rampant consumerism. please help pay off my gluttony by buying my stuff:
12″ Apple iBook G4
Acer 19″ LCD widescreen monitor
LACk floating shelf in Beech

it’s official

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so, my 37th year was… eventful. among other things i:
i had surgery (and woke up), but ended up nearly dying a week later. luckily, i’m smart or something and had a good idea what was happening and had the wherewithal to advocate for myself while being rolled around the medical system. unfortunately, i learned a little too much about fear and anxiety. i also learned that i am so unbearably lucky to have the family and friends that i do.
i also gave up on trying to be debt-free for my 41st birthday and bought a much-needed new, and warrantied, car.
i met someone i’ve wanted to for many years when my friend Paige came to visit in May.
i’ve gone to a lot of parties and have, shockingly, started not hating the idea of them!
i started going to boot-camp and got my ass KICKED twice-weekly for three months. the scariest thing? i loved it and can’t wait to get back to it! Christopher isn’t sure how he feels about my shrinking ass, though. ;)
i believe it’s no longer possible for me to pretend that i’m young. 38 is way too close to 40 for comfort.
so… 38. what do you have in store for me? whatever you do, please be gentle with me. i may seem to be all tough, but i’m still a little tender from the whooping i got last year.

the good ol’ days

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do you remember when you didn’t know who was calling you before you picked up the phone?
how about  having to get up to change the channel on the tv?
or knowing where you’re going and planning to get there on time because you had no way to contact someone in-transit?
what about having to use the stove to heat up leftovers?
or having to plan to be home at 8pm on thursday night to watch your favourite show because if you didn’t, you would just plain miss it?
it seems i’m feeling a little nostalgic for all the things which have changed, just in my (short-ish) lifetime.
don’t get me wrong, i love tech.  i barely remember how i lived without my microwave, tivo, iphone and digital everything.  power windows in my car.  a whole collection of movies and tv shows on dvd to watch anytime i want.  hundreds of albums worth of music in my pocket wherever i go.  i don’t think i’d willingly go back to those days, but still… there’s a sense that things were simpler.  less busy.  quieter and maybe even a little better.
all the distractions have entirely eroded my ability to concentrate.  reading a book?  c’mon!  every few pages i have to put it down to check twitter or email or see why tivo’s recording something. oh, wait!  that reminds me, i have to google [insert random thing here]!  i miss uni-tasking.  i miss not needing the internet in my pocket.  i miss having extra outlets; not plug-juggling to get juice for whatever new gadget it is i just brought home.
there’s not really any place for me to go with this train of thought except into a shiny mag-lev future.  unless there’s a giant EMP which fries all the transistors in all our tech, it’ll only get more gadgety and our kids won’t even believe us when we tell them stories about having to write letters on paper with sticks filled with coloured water.
oh, you darn kids.  GIT OFF MY LAWN!

a six long months (minus three days)

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warfarin flower

six months ago (minus three days), a blood clot which formed in the back of my left leg after my knee surgery broke off, zoomed up my leg, through my heart and got stuck in my lung. it went from being a DVT to a PE in a millisecond. and it almost killed me.
for the last six months (minus three days), i’ve been taking a daily dose of rat poison to thin my blood enough so that i wouldn’t form another clot and to buy my body time to “deal with” the clot that now resided in my lung, like a ticking time bomb.
every week for the last six months (minus three days), i’ve had to go to the lab and get poked with needles (sometimes multiple times) to draw my blood to ensure that i was taking enough rat poison to keep the clot(s) at bay.
every minute of every day for the last six months (minus three days), i’ve worried about that clot in my lung. the doctor in the hospital said one of three things could happen to it:
1) it could just go away;
2) it could get scarified and permanently attached inside my lung; or,
3) it could, in some cases, get bigger.
he also said they wouldn’t do any follow-up CT scan or testing to find out what it did after my six months of anti-coagulant treatment. take the pills and then stop taking the pills and you’ll be fine, he said. so, i lived with the fear that it was just growing and getting more and more ominous because that’s what i do. i worry and practice hypochondria.
today, i got the news.
my lovely and wonderful hematologist told me that the radioactive fog i breathed in and radioactive solution i got shot up with two weeks ago showed that my lungs are completely clear. my clot is gone! my lungs are absolutely normal and i am not going to die at some random moment because i exerted myself too much and dislodged my unwanted lung tenant! i can eat broccoli and take vitamins with abandon! i can have beer! i can go jump on a treadmill and not fear heavy breathing!
i started to cry as i walked to the car. i knew i’d been depressed and anxious the last six months (minus three days) and that i was under some extreme stress, but this news, those three little words, have lifted a giant weight from my shoulders. as i told my dad, there aren’t enough exclamation points in the world to express just how happy this makes me.
I AM NORMAL!!!
and i’m so happy i could almost float. =)

shoulda, but didn’t

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this is a list of all the things i think i should have accomplished lately but haven’t:
– cleaned my dad’s car windows while he was away
– vacuumed the crap off my floors
– washed my floors
– cleaned the bathtub
– called my cousin back
– returned that text message from Tyler
– used my Wii Fit (Plus)
– roasted the peppers which hopefully haven’t yet gone bad
– eaten those potatoes i baked
– cleaned the window tracks
– removed all the various gardening debris from the balcony
– fixed the bathroom drawer
– cleaned the kitchen light fixture
– called the super about getting my bathroom repaired
– gone for a walk
– posted better things more often
– called Meghan
– called Karen
– helped my uncle with his scanner
– called about counseling
– cleaned and purged my kitchen cupboards
– cleaned and purged my bookshelves
– cleaned and purged my storage closet
– cleaned out the bottom of the coat closet
– moved the cedar chest into the closet so i have room for a new dresser
– turned the mattress
– had the blinds washed
– bought new curtains for the livingroom (i just ordered some in two colours to decide between)
– cleaned my car windows
– put up my craft crap on Etsy for sale
– all that shit at work i hate doing
– shaved my legs
– called for a hair appointment
– worn my brace
– found some way of keeping in better touch with Jeremy, Heather and Tyler
– lost weight
– ate more vegetables
– gotten over all the September trauma already

crafting a new enterprise

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my house is a mess, my kitchen is covered in dirty dishes, i’m smelly, exhausted and broke.
this is what it’s like when i procrastinate and have less than a week to produce enough crap craft to take to the craft fair to, hopefully, you know, sell.
i’ve mentioned it in passing, i think, but not in detail. after applying in May, my co-worker and i were finally informed of our acceptance into the Christmas Magic at the Manor two-day craft fair being held at the Urban Academy in New Westminster. unfortunately, they didn’t bother telling us until the very end of October. eep! so, instead of having months to spend preparing stock, we’ve had less than three weeks to prep everything for the fair NEXT WEEKEND.
and, of course, because i’m a lazy slacker, i wasted two weeks and decided six days would be more than enough to make over two hundred magnets, one hundred photo cards, fifty pendants and two dozen rings.
just kill me now, please.
anyway, if you’re not doing anything next weekend, feel free to stop by and say hi (and bring me food and/or beverages)!
Christmas Magic at the Manor
November 21 & 22, 2009 10 am to 5 pm
Urban Academy
101 Third Street, New Westminster, BC

copping out is fun to do!

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i had promised myself that today i’d post something with actual content, but work was crazy and i spent the last eight hours buying american underpants, among other things. more to come, but now… now i need sleep.