– what?
c’mere… i got sumpthin’ ta show ya.
– i’m in a hurry, what is it?
no. no. no. ya jus’ gotta see this! it’ll only take a sec.
– *sigh* fine. but if i’m late, i’ll kick your ass.
ya won’t be late, buddy. trus’ me, an’ it’d be worth it if ya were.
– *leans in* i don’t see anything.
yer not lookin’ in the right spot. look ‘ere.
– i still don’… jesus christ, man. what the hell is that?!
*grinning* i tol’ ya it was worth it!
– but… how in god’s name?! where did you find it? *reaches out*
no! there’ll be touching it, buddy. ’tis for lookin’ at only.
– i think it’s almost beautiful…
of course it’s beautiful, buddy. i wouldn’ta brought it to ya if it weren’t. i know ya like them pretty things.
– please, just let me touch it… just once.
can touch it forever if ya want, buddy. ya just gotta give me a little sumpthin’. ya can do that for li’l ole me, can’t ya, buddy? just a little sumpthin’, ’tis all. nothin’ ta a bigwig like ya. nothin’ at all.
– whatever you want, it’s yours. just let me hold it. please!
don’t be cryin’, buddy. it doesn’t become ya. here, lemme fish out that paper the man gave me… here ’tis. he said “jus’ get ’em to sign on the dotted line,” he did. “use this pen, an’ only this pen.”
– *transfixed and shaking slightly* please, just let me touch it…
buddy. take this pen, buddy. we’re almos’ there, buddy. jus’ sign right ‘ere on that li’l line an’ it’ll be all yers an’ i can get back to real business.
– *bead of sweat falls onto the paper* sign… i can sign… dear god, it’s so beautiful! *scribbles illegibly*
tha’s it, buddy! right ‘ere… there ya go, tha’s the way. done! lemme jus’ put this away safe. hold on, don’t ya be grabbin’ now. tha’s jus’ plain rude, that is. ‘ere ya go… now, be gentle with it. don’t go ruinin’ it on yer first day.
– oohhh… god! yessss…..
*hobbling away* tsk, them cityslickers. always think it’s so durn beautiful. don’t know the devil when he’s kissin’ their sister, they don’t. serves ’em right… s’not my fault they’re so stupid. not my fault at all.
i’ve lost an entire week. i don’t know what i did with it, but it is definitely gone. if i look at the calendar, i can see today is tuesday, march 13th. in my head, when i’m planning out my life, it is tuesday, march 6th. examples? sure, i have examples.
yesterday, when helen dropped off a crappy job for me to do, i looked at her like she was insane and told her that it wasn’t due ’til next week. it was actually due yesterday afternoon.
i have two meetings to attend this week on wednesday and thursday. i kept thinking i was so very glad i didn’t have to go to the thursday one until next week as i just wasn’t in the mood for it this week. well, now i’m fucking busted.
i’m fairly sure i lost the week by being so anxious for last weekend to happen that i didn’t pay any attention to the days preceeding it. the ironic thing was my father telling me, in response to my wanting the weekend to hurry up and arrive, not to “wish my life away”. one of these days i’m really going to have to take his advice as soon as he gives it.
i realized on saturday just how totally out of shape i’ve gotten, again. truthfully, to look at me you’d assume i was out of shape, and for all intents and purposes i am, compared to most. but, when looking back at this time last year, when i was eating über-healthy and working out at least four times a week… i’m a big ol’ slug now.
playing catch at the park with jason just really brought the point home. i was huffing and he was all “must… stop… chest… burns…” we both realized we need to quit smoking and start exercizing again. his plan is to go for a jog every time he wants a cigarette. i kind of scoffed at that, but it’s not that bad of a plan.
me, on the other hand, i’m trying to cut the crap out of my diet and work slowly back up to lifting weights three times a week again. yesterday, i brought into work the rest of the box of microwave popcorn i had at home and left it in the lunch room for anyone to take. it was gone in an hour. once i’ve used up the flavoured coffee creamer and hot chocolate, i won’t buy any more. it’s all real food again for me, dammit. i even dusted off my dumbells and did three sets of ten before i went to bed last night.
i’m certain it is all in my head, but even after just a week of eating cleaner and a couple days of excercise & fresh air, i’m feeling better already. i noticed i’m walking taller and i think my skin looks better. i’m being reminded of how good i felt before i fucked up my healthy lifestyle last fall and it’s encouraging me to keep it up this time.
[editor’s note: this entry has been voided due to the annoyance of years worth of PERVERTS hitting it looking for things which have nothing to do with this site. don’t worry, the comments will give you a hint as to what was once here, i’m sure.]
i’m having a grand ol’ time reading dating horror stories. thank god i’ve only been subjected to a couple of inept smooch attempts in my limited experience.
so, amongst the birthday extravaganza i had cooked up for jason, he managed to give me a little present too. i realized on our way to dinner that we would be right next to a future shop. i mentioned that i would have him, his leatherman and a place to buy new speakers all in one place and asked if he would mind swapping out the dead one for me. he said no problem.
so, after some confusion about the actual size of my speakers and the salesboy babbling on about tweeters and stickers and my dash board, i walked out of the store with a pair of sony speakers (“$20 below cost!” salesboy proclaimed.) and proceded to have jason begin to install ’em in the parking lot. we only got the dead one replaced because the driver’s side speaker is half covered by the map pocket which is screwed onto the door liner from the back side. getting it off will require removing the whole fucking door panel. we weren’t going to do that at six o’clock in the parking lot. it was getting dark, you know.
now, after almost three years of having a mono stereo, there is sound coming from the passenger side of my car. it’s both delightful and disconcerting. i keep expecting it to cut in and out like the old one did just before it died. it’s just very strange to hear music through both ears, from both sides of my car. at. the. same. time. but, i’m loving it. finally, my tapes will sound good again! ooh, and i can annoy people on both sides of my car with the volume of my tunage. rock on.
uh, where’s scott?
and today i recuperated… ugh.
i had as perfect a day as i could have hoped for. i think he did, too.
sometimes, i thinking sleeping is a bad idea. especially when you wake up with such a sense of panic, loss and anxiety as i did this morning. my first set of dreams was of meg, mark, dean and i playing cards, go figure. dean was berating me for not throwing down the jack, but i’d forgotten that kings didn’t beat them. it was about that time i woke up, looked at the clock and decided there was no way i was getting up at 6:30am.
i rolled over, re-squished my pillow and fell back asleep. my next dreams started out fine, so much so i was actually looking forward to how they were going to develop.
meghan, i and a couple other girls were in new york. we had to cross the brooklyn bridge on foot and there were so many people doing the same thing we had to actually walk in a car lane. i specifically remember telling meghan we should walk in file, not abreast, so to reduce our chances of getting hit by a car.
there were hundreds of other people on the bridge, some sitting and eating their lunches, mothers and their kids, business people. i wondered if this wasn’t their actual hang out.
as we approached the center of the bridge, there was a silver volkswagen golf pulled over to the side and there was ross from friends standing beside it. meghan (who now looked liked rachel from friends) asked him what he was doing. i suddenly realized that he was her brother. the really odd part about that is meg’s real brother, todd, does resemble ross around the mouth and nose, but i’d never realized it before. we started giving him a hard time, telling him he should give us a ride to my place, when it was obvious the car was dead and he was waiting for road assistance.
as we’re talking, suddenly the car shakes and an engine fired up. i immediately wondered what was wrong with the car if it could start up that easily, and i wondered if he hadn’t lied and had been waiting there for us. the car gave a lurch and pulled away. as we all turned to look at it, we realized it was attached to a tow truck, which was taking off down the bridge at breakneck speeds. ross realized that someone had stolen his car and started running off the bridge after the truck, obviously in vain.
i felt so horrible that he’d been a victim of the tow-truck scam. we all did. i thought about calling the cops, but there wasn’t much they could do without a plate or description, none of which we had. after the shock wore off a little, we kept heading for my place.
next thing, we’re half a block from my building (which was somehow in the physical location of where i lived two places ago, but was still the structure i live in now) and i make a grand gesture at the building and announce that is my place. we walk in the front door and i stop. there’s something wrong. horribly wrong.
the first thing i notice is my dresser is gone. then that my desk is disassembled, lying on the floor and half of it is gone. another shelving unit is bare, and wrapped in plastic. as i walked through the house, i notice almost everything is gone and two of the three doors are sitting wide open. i can’t begin to explain the feeling i had. they had even disassembled the toilets and had them stacked, ready to cart off.
i had such a feeling of dread. had i locked the doors? there’s no obvious sign of forced entry. was it someone from the party i had last week? i knew i shouldn’t have had that many people over. they’re going to come back! we need to get tina’s car out of the driveway and make it look like the place is still empty, then phone the cops and have them here waiting for them!
about that time, there were all these cars pulling into the driveway and i panicked, thinking it was the thieves, only to realize they were my friends who had come to welcome me home from new york. fuck. i didn’t want them here, i want my stuff back! i went into a corner and just started to sob out of frustration and loss. my mind kept going back to the fact that i hadn’t had insurance and there was no way i could afford to replace things without maxing out my credit cards.
the comedy came from a drunken lout who came into the backyard, shouted to his friends across the way that he had to piss really fucking bad, and then proceded to drain his bladder on all our luggage which was sitting outside. i yelled at him, but he just turned his stream towards me and laughed.
it was about that time that i decided i was going to get up, despite what time it was.
happy birthday, jason! 24… that was a good year.
sandy and i were talking about swearing on the way to lunch today. she said “fucking” in an unrelated topic and quickly asked me if i swore. i said “fuck yeah!” that got us talking about how some people find profanity very offensive.
personally, i don’t find the occasional colourful expletive at all offensive or even in bad taste. there is a limit though, after too many “fuck”s or “shit”s you just sound ignorant and uneducated. i actually know people who say fuck in every sentence. i’ve noticed myself wincing when they talk to me.
there are also very well-defined times and places you shouldn’t be spewing out the four-letter-nasties: job interviews, grandma’s house, church, blind dates, etc. alternatively, you’re almost expected to profane at sporting events, in bars, when you’re completely overcome and can’t begin string together coherent sentences.
there’s nothing more hilarious then hearing someone you don’t consider a “potty mouth” uttering some blue language. you do this vaudville double-take and wonder to yourself if you actually heard them correctly, not daring to ask or even show any shock just in case they didn’t.
the point i’m trying to make is… fuck you if you don’t like my using four-letter words. it’s my goddamn blog, and my bloody mouth and i’ll spew whatever the hell i want to. *grin*
i’m so fucking annoyed right now. let’s see, i have a good three hours of stuff to do in two hours and gary comes strolling in and wants his piddly document scanned in. fuck you! you have a secretary, get her to fucking type it. i’m BUSY! then, the computer with the scanner is fucking with me and my computer then fucks with me followed by the printer fucking with me. on top of that people don’t like my yellow stars! (and, scott, it’s your fault i’m reading horoscopes again.) AND… there was no diet coke in the pop machine. plus, my abs and chest are all achy, i’m sure i pulled something taking that spill yesterday. *whine* i just want to go home.
so, what do you think?
went to liquidator world with meghan and dean last night. bought twinkies, cup’o’noodles, 99 cent bread and a shotglass that says “heather’s bar”. the total came to $6.66. is it a sign?
the three of us met mark at the pub. i was thrilled to see they had vanilla stoli behind the bar, so i switched from pale ale to stoli and coke. yum. i still don’t get why people don’t just gather friends at home to drink and socialize. it’s way cheaper. i have issues with paying $4.85 for a drink i can make at home for ninety cents. we played golf for 10-cents a point. i paid out over $13 between mark and dean. actually, i still have yet to pay mark. i ran out of cash paying my bar tab. i should have listened to my horoscope which said not to gamble yesterday.
it started out as a normal thursday morning. as i folded up my blanket and returned the futon to an upright position i recalled some of the more vivid moments of my dreams. as i bent down and the blood rushed to my head i realized i had a headache. i mentally chided myself for sleeping so much, which was most likely the cause.
in twenty minutes i was dressed, my lunch was packed and i was all ready to head off into the wet and wonderful world to start my commute, but not without a pitstop at tim hortons for my extra large french vanilla cappuccino. i don’t often get one on the way to work, but it’s roll up the rim time and i really want to win that pontiac aztec.
after a rainy but uneventful commute, i pull into the guardhouse at work only to be confronted by five very large construction workers (you can tell them by their hard-hats, you know) blocking my path. marion, the security guard shooed them out of the way for me. she’s a very nice lady. i met marie in the parking lot and we walked in together, and everything seemed fine. i should have known, when i got to the elevator and saw the construction guy with his very large welding tanks, that all would not remain peaceful.
made small conversation with construction guy, waiting for the doors to open so i could get to my desk and drink my coffee. *ding* the doors open, i immediately turn and step out. the extra weight of the tanks in the elevator made it rise a little slower than normal. the doors were open. the bell had dinged, but the elevator was not yet flush with the floor. i took my step out, my toe gets caught on the second floor and then it was all in s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n…
as soon as my toe hit the ledge i knew what had happened. i took another step forward, hoping it would balance me, but it didn’t. i tried another step, i felt like the bionic woman when she would run really fast but they’d show it in slow motion with that twangy music in the background. by the third step i knew i wasn’t going to pull my balance far enough to remain upright. the second my brain knew that was when i went *splat* face-first onto the floor. the last special effects moment was watching my coffee erupt from the cup upon impact.
just as everything returned to normal speed, i hear footsteps and voices. “are you all right?” i look up. the one construction guy from the elevator has multiplied into five construction guys, including my father, all standing around looking at me sprawled out on the hallway floor. i bounce to my feet, grab my bag, assure them i’m fine, just embarrassed and tell them i’ll get someone to come clean up the mess i made. my father walked part of the way with me. i looked at him, he’s trying so very hard not to laugh, but failing. “good morning, honey,” he says. ugh.
fifteen minutes later, after my body temperature has returned to normal (why does that happen when you’re embarrassed?) and called plant about the mess, i was fetching a cup of crappy replacement coffee and kevin, the hottie, was there. “who let you down here?” i asked him. “hey, crash,” he replied. fuck. this building is just too small.
let’s see… got a $100 cheque in the mail yesterday. stuck to my whole foods committment last night (mmm, fajita veggies and couscous!). bought toilet paper and vanilla scented candles. saw. the. most. beautiful. motorcycle. ever. phoned jason and got saturday arranged (thank gawd, i was really worried about that). flossed. managed to watch most of the hockey game before i fell asleep, and woke up in time to see my team lose. had very very very weird dreams (my gums had receeded and my teeth were wobbling about on their roots inside my mouth. ick.) and every time i woke up during the night my arms were asleep. i so need a new mattress for the futon. yeah, i think that’s it.
i’m trying to make a concerted effort to eat better lately. i’m even considering dropping coffee again. i’ve done it before, i can do it again. i think. *twitch*
anyway, my problem today is i forgot my daily baggie of baby carrots which have become my traditional afternoon nibble. without them, by the time it’s three o’clock i’m fucking ravenous and i’ll eat anything that crosses my path, which usually means scrounging together a dollar in coins to get cheezies or corn chips from the vending machine. these are the times i’d kill for a proper cafeteria here.
i have gum and another litre-and-a-half of water, but after that… i may start gnawing on my wrist rest.
just found out that we could possibly be picketed as early as april first. which means no work and no pay (until the measely strike pay kicks in). i mean, i know i’ve been bitching about holidays, but this is not how i wanted to get one. ugh. i’m suddenly very glad i have some money in the bank. i guess i won’t be going out and buying anything extravagant.