Category Archives: Words

after spending the weekend with my mom in downtown dullsville, i came home to a new time, a full day back at the office and a trip into deep, dark surrey to attend the symphony.
now, i’m sleepy.
friday, i picked up the boy after work and we blitzed over to north van and scarfed down fatburgers before my dad picked me up to take me to the ferry boat.  i didn’t know quite what to do with myself on the trip over as my usual m.o. is to get a crispy chicken burger and nurse my fries for 90 minutes while sitting the cafeteria.  luckily, i snagged a computer station (i like tables), read & played games on my phone all the way over.  it was all good until the couple three seats away decided that it was totally acceptable to play something really loudly on their laptop and the stinky, drunk guy sat behind me and started drunk dialing people on his cell phone after cracking open a couple of brewskis.
i hate technology sometimes.
mom picked me up on the other side and we zipped up island, catching up on giggles and promptly going to bed upon arrival at her place.
saturday, i spent some time playing with her new 40″ lcd television.  holy crap, that thing is HUGE.  and shiny.  and crisp (on hd channels, that is).  i don’t know if i could put a tv that big in my apartment.  it’d just dominate the living area!  but, i can just imagine playing wii or watching dvds on it… *drool*   after my aunt came for a whirlwind visit, mom & i headed down to nanaimochuk for a little shopping and to see the new Alice in Wonderland in 3D.
go see it.  it’s awesome.  Avatar wasn’t nearly as good as Alice is.
after the show — which was almost ruined by the frigid arctic air blowing on us in the theatre, brr — we zipped home and i made yakisoba for dinner, followed by hockey in hd.  holy hell.  hockey in hd is… well, it’s so good, i didn’t mind watching it.  that tells you something right there because i’m almost entirely off the bandwagon.   after the game, we changed the clocks and went to bed; but, not before i caught the new Iron Man 2 trailer.  mm, robert downey jr.-y goodness.  i cannot wait for that movie to come out!
sunday, was lazy.  chilled with mom, packed up and headed home.  once i got there, i had some pizza with the boy, did some laundry and got ready for work on monday.  btw, there are bunches of people retiring this year and i’m SO JEALOUS.  c’mon lotto max!  come to mama!
yesterday was pretty okay, too.  work was work.  my boss is back from vacation, so the energy level got bumped up a notch or ten from last week, but i got my vacation requests for the year approved so i’m happy.  afterwards, i had an awesome roasted chicken dinner at christopher’s before we headed out to newton – not just surrey! – to see the VSO perform Holst’s The Planets at the Bell Centre, which is a theatre attached, no IN, a highschool.  how weird.  we took our very back of the balcony seats, adjusted to the vertigo induced by the view and settled in for some culture with the grey hairs.
i’ve loved The Planets (especially the fourth movement: Jupiter) since i was twelve years old.  it was on a cassette tape my sixth grade music teacher made each member of our band with a whole mix of different musics with the thought to expose us to new and different things.  ever since hearing it that first time, i’ve had a strong emotional reaction to it.  last night was no different.  as soon as the first few notes were played, my eyes welled up with tears and my whole body tensed up with anticipation.  i must have looked like a dork with my nose running and tears streaming down my face, but i didn’t care.  i was entirely overcome by the music.  ahh!
the long, long drive back home was totally worth it just for those two hours of awesomeness.   i love the symphony!
i got home about 11:30, glad i’d had that pre-concert latte or i might have fallen asleep at the wheel and died in a fiery crash somewhere in burnaby.  by the time i got horizontal it was after midnight.  have i ever mentioned that i get up at 5:30am?  yeah, not a lot of sleep last night.  on top of the time change, i’m a wee bit knackered today.
luckily, i only have to go home, cook the biggest stirfry in the world and then go see my doctor to discuss all the other things which are wrong with me now that my lungs are clot-free.
see?  i really am a party animal!  *snarf*

so, i’ve officially become old and boring.
between the $100 Ikea gift card and $200 unallocated portion of my income tax refund due to me, i’ve been trying to figure out just what i’m going to spend all this “free” money on at my favourite swedish store for a few months now.
i’ve been eyeing the TOBO tv bench for almost a year.  it’s not too big and with the drawers and sliding glass door, i can hide all my assorted multimedia crap from view which makes my neat-freak heart squeal a little with joy.  but, i just couldn’t justify the $200 price tag when the tv solution i currently have is perfectly suitable, if not visually sparse.
i was *this* close to buying it when i was at meatball-land last week, but i wanted to hold off until after my credit card billing period ended (so i’d have another month to pay it off, duh).  then i started thinking… i don’t need a new tv stand.  what do i actually need which 1) might ordinarily be just a little too expensive to fetch at the last moment; or, 2) might not ever be available ever again and would make me sad to miss out on?
the answer was:  a second new pair of Nike Air Zoom Vomero+ 3 shoes.
i bought my first pair of these just after i re-borked my knee and got my first pair of orthotics, two years ago.  they turned out to be the most comfortable things i’d ever put on my feet and i’ve worn them nearly every day for the last twenty months.
when i went to buy a new pair last month, i discovered, to my horror, that they were no longer made and had been replaced by the Nike Air Zoom Vomero+ 4.  the internet told me there were very minor changes to the design and fit should be practically identical and i believed them.  until i tried a pair on at the Nike store in West Van.  they hurt!  and i was so upset, i didn’t know what to do.  then i remembered:  eBay has everything.
i received my new pair of 3’s last week and i couldn’t be more pleased.  they are just as dreamy to my tootsies as my old pair; they’re just shiny new and blue instead of neon green.  AND!  they cost $40 less than my old pair i bought locally!
after getting my all-clear from the doctor last week, i started seriously thinking about joining a gym to get back into fitness (now that i know i won’t suddenly drop dead on the treadmill).  then i started thinking about my new shoes.  shouldn’t i have an “inside pair” for the gym?   so, instead of buying a tv bench which would make me happy in my house, but isn’t really needed; i’ve ordered a second pair of super-comfy, good-for-my-feet shoes which will, hopefully, be an incentive to get healthier in the months to come.
so, there goes most of that tax refund.  i’ve still got the $100 gift card to spend at the blue & yellow store, but i think most of that will go to a dutch oven and a fancy frying pan to replace the one my cousin ruined with his egg-making adventures.
oh god, i’m practical.  killmenow.

ugh, sorry about that.  i totally blew off posting last week.  in my defense, nothing really happened until the end of the week and then it all kind of happened at once and i ran out of time.  forgive me?
so, yeah. last week’s three big ticket items were:  migraine, VQ lung scan at the hospital and catching a cold.
oh, and some kind of sporting event is happening somewhere near my house. um, what’s it called?  superbowl?  no, that’s not right.  uh, commonwealth games?  no, that’s not it, either.  olyphant?  olympics!  that’s it!  the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.  yeah!
i’m so funny.
first things first,  i had my final (i hope) diagnostic test related to my pulmonary embolism on Friday morning.  i wandered over to the hospital (it’s nice that it’s half a block from my apartment, sometimes) ridiculously early to get a pre-scan x-ray, only to discover that all the x-ray techs were in a staff meeting until 9am, which meant i had an hour or so to wait until my ventilation/perfusion scan in the nuclear medicine department.  ugh.
turns out that nuclear medicine is the happiest department at Lions Gate Hospital.  they were all decked out in red and maple leaves were all over the place.  they were all excited for the start of the games and were chatty and hilarious.  i guess they took pity on me, or were just in THAT good a mood, as i got ushered in for my test a little early.  yay!
see, what you need to know about me is that i want to know everything which is going on at all times.  i’m just nosy that way.  so, when i’m in a situation where i don’t know the procedure, i ask. this whole lung scan was all new, but i didn’t have to ask because my tech/nurse, Rhonda, explained everything. in excruciating detail. that was nice, but a little excessive.  and this is coming from me, so you just know it was crazy detailed.
first, i had my nose clamped shut and a tube stuck in my mouth so i could inhale radioactive fog.  no, really.  they even used a mini-geigercounter on my chest to see if i’d sucked in enough nuclear particles for the machine to detect.  after two rounds of what i can only assume is very close to scuba diving above water, i wandered over to a big machine i got to lie down in for the next twenty minutes while it detected where the radioactive fog got to in my lungs (this was the ventilation portion of the test).  next, i had TWO nurses/techs both trying to find a vein to shoot me up with more radioactive juice to perform the second portion of the test (perfusion) — oh me and my tiny, invisible veins of death.  this would detect where the blood flow in my lungs was going and if there were any blockages (which is what we’re mostly concerned with in my case since there was a BIG CLOT in one of my blood vessels in my lung, duh).  after finally giving me my injection and lying on the table for another twenty minutes of having pictures of my chest taken and making the staff laugh and say things like “i think i like her!” i got to mosey on over to x-ray for even more radiation.
unfortunately, when my hematologist sent in the request for my lung scan, she didn’t specifically ask for the x-ray they need to go with it.  consequently, i got to sit around for almost an hour waiting for someone to sign some sort of paper so i could have what turned out to be a 35-second chest x-ray.  i’m not kidding.  from the time i walked into the room to the time i walked out was way less than a minute.  it took longer to take my shirt and bra off than it did to get the x-rays done.  crazy.
by the way, i’m STILL waiting for my superpowers to manifest from all that nuking i got.  i’m really hoping for either invisibility or translocation.
pretty much the rest of the last week has been dealing with this annoying cold i probably picked up at the clinic last week when i went to get more rat poison.  the cold which made me miss both the Wilco and Hawksley Workman free concerts.  the one which has made me seriously consider surgically removing both my throat and sinuses.  stupid cold.  but, hey, at least i’ve been amusing myself by singing “i got the mucus in me” whenever i’m not coughing or blowing my nose.
last night, i got a phone call from my cousin.  this is noteworthy for two reasons:  1)  Christopher and my parents are the only people who ever phone me; and, 2) i haven’t talked to him since, oh, 2003 when i was in Ontario for my other cousin’s wedding.  turns out he’s working at the Richmond O Zone doing security and, since he lives in Kelowna, he’d been staying at his company’s accommodation in Burnaby.  unfortunately, he described the conditions there as “post-earthquake Haiti” and pulled the family card to ask me if he could stay with me until the end of this gig.  seeing as he’s my baby cousin (on my mom’s side) and i’m a sucker, i said sure.  so, as of tonight, my cousin Robert will be sleeping on an air mattress in my living room until the end of the month.  
he’s working nights, so i probably won’t see much of him during the week and, if i’m honest, the chance to reconnect (and collect points redeemable for a place to stay in Kelowna) is entirely worth any potential discomfort.  he’s a hoot and we’ve always gotten along well;  you know the less than a dozen times we’ve been together in our entire lives.  ;)
oh god, what have i gotten myself into?
just one more thing of note:   as i did last year, i am again giving up all forms of refined sugar and artificial sweeteners for Lent.  i’m only allowed stevia in my coffee and a little bit of maple syrup on my oatmeal.   i may not be doing it for religious reasons, but i do find something a little satisfying in challenging myself to go without for such a well-defined period of time.  let’s see how long it takes me to go cake-crazy like i did last year.  place your bets!

so, after a bet with my friend Nelson, i finally jumped on the formspring bandwagon.  i didn’t think i’d get many questions, but there have been more than a few and all of them quite thought-provoking and interesting to answer.  below is my most recent, and quite possibly, most favourite asked so far:

so… is there anything you want to ask me?

one month ago, on December 29, 2009, my world changed forever…  well, okay. maybe it didn’t change forever, but it certainly took a lurching step forward whence it was.
you see, that is the day i (finally) received my iPhone.   *sounds of bells chiming and a chorus of angelic voices fill the air*
after blogging and tweeting and pricing and debating and whining and sulking and planning and dismissing, i finally bit the bullet after i received an offer i just could not refuse.
from the first day the iPhone was announced, i wanted one.  i knew, in my heart of heart, right down to my tippy-toes that it was device i would love and use.  i may have poo-pooed it publically and declared that they were silly and superfluous, but it was all bravado.  i wanted one and was upset you had one and i did not.  but, you see, i’m still trying to pay back the bank for the reckless financial foolishness of my twenties and a $100+ bill every month just to have a fancy cell phone (even if it will rub your feet, make you chicken soup when you’re sick and make unicorns shit rainbows) was just too much to even contemplate then, just as it is now.
the price of the phone itself was always daunting, but not necessarily prohibitive.  it was the monthly cost, multiplied by 36 because of the contract you were forced to sign before you could even get your hands on the thing, which slammed the brakes on the practicality of my ever procuring an iPhone.
then, for my thirty-seventh (ohgodohgodohgod) birthday, my lovely boyfriend, Christopher Evans, bought me an iPod Touch.  that was the beginning of the end to my iPhone protestations.  the iPod Touch cemented in my head, and heart, my desire for The Real Thing: an iPhone.  it was both glorious and a horrible tease.  it could do so many things the iPhone could, for free; but it wasn’t quite there.  i wanted the camera, so i could tweet photos.  i wanted the GPS, so i would never get lost.  i wanted access to the internet EVERYWHERE i went, not just where i could scam free-fi.
after the iPod cracked the wall around my iPhone-loving heart, the announcement that the iPhone would now be carried by Bell & Telus (in addition to Rogers & Fido), planted the seeds of an insidiously ivy-like idea which would worm its way through that crack into my fortress of self-denial.  if there were more carriers carrying it, then the prices for the monthly plans would drop. right?  that’s just good business sense!  more competiton means better prices for consumers!  well, they were pretty good, but still, after data and caller ID and text messages, plans were still over $75/month, which was still way too much for me to seriously consider committing to paying every month for the next three years.
that’s about the time that i found out about a way to buy a two-hundred dollar iPhone for ninety-five dollars; but the plan was still too far above my mental barrier for my to take advantage.  next came an email from Colene which boasted an incredible plan.  loads of minutes, caller ID, voicemail, texts, data all for a price i could justify just by not going out for dinner once a month.   i waffled and whined some more, i crunched so many numbers my spreadsheet was begging for mercy.  then, once the last cheque from the November craft fair cleared… i made the call.
just like that, i was an iPhone owner.
of course, it took over two weeks for me to get my phone because it went “out for delivery” via Purolator (now and forever after to be known as “Fuckyouhater”) SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW without an actual attempt at delivery at my apartment.  my poor, long-suffering boyfriend camped out at my place for three days in their entirety just to make sure i wouldn’t miss delivery before Christmas came and i was away to miss it for even longer.  gah.  even thinking about that ridiculousness makes me cranky.  
finally, after some festiveness on the island with my family, i came home to wait some more because the offices weren’t open until Tuesday.  you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as my lunch break came that Tuesday, i was in my car, rushing towards the depot to finally rescue my phone from the evil courier’s hands.
all that trauma aside, this last month with my iPhone, Spud, has been as advertised.  it’s everything i hoped it would be.  i’m even astounded that the Bell 3G network gives me five full bars of service almost everywhere i go (and even in my office, which is just astounding because with my old phone i had to stand on a chair by the window to be able to have a conversation in here).  it’s with me everywhere i go and has made me totally anti-social at social occasions because i’m always taking it out to tweet something or check my email (but, thankfully, most of my friends have them, so they’re all doing the same thing — phew).  it’s my precious.  i loves it and kind of wonder why i waited so long.

i think the dark is getting to me.
 
the last week or so, my tolerance has plummeted.  stupid, dirt, people, news, drama, Haiti, money, cooking, cleaning, commercials all make me angry these days.  then, i feel bad for being angry, so i shut down. then i feel bad for shutting down, especially when i know there are people who want to help me feel better, but i just can’t bring myself to deal with them, so i feel bad about that all over again.  
 
it’s a vicious cycle.  filled with alligators.  hungry, toothy alligators.
 
additionally, don’t even try to complain to me about anything trivial, because, you know back in September?  i almost died.  i was one lucky motherfucker to not drop dead when that humongous blood clot broke off, raced up my leg and lodged itself in my lung.   if that doesn’t put it all into perspective, i don’t know what will.  your iPod won’t work?  piss off.   you didn’t get asked out to an event?  shut up. 
 
the irony is that the withdrawing and being angry has actually fuelled actions i’ve been trying to get a start on for months (and months and months).  i’ve been consistently tracking my calories and even — *gasp* — exercising.  so, physically, i’m feeling Tony the Tiger grrreat!  except that i’m grumpy all the damn time. 
 
last night, i stopped by the vampires for my weekly blood-letting, then came home to a healthy, well-balanced meal, watched a little Tivo, Wii Fitted & stretched out, had a bath & shaved my yeti legs, then realized it was only 8pm and it was pitch black and i couldn’t really do anything else because i had to go to bed in an hour.  WTF?  seriously?  fuck.
 
see?  grumpy.
 
i’m blaming the dark.  yeah, so it’s vaguely light for a whole 15 minutes when i get home at night. it’s still dark as midnight when i go to work in the morning and by the time i’ve finished dinner it feels like i’ve stayed up way past my bedtime.  i was looking at the calendar yesterday, wishing i could take the whole of December and January off next year, just to avoid all this darkness shit.  it’s nice out there right now, but i can’t be out there right now because, hey, i have to go to work every day.  fucking work.  stupid money!  where the hell is my sugar daddy, anyway?  i’d make an excellent haus frau, you know.  just hook me up!
 
if anyone has the power to bend space and time, i’d love to jump straight to March first.  it may not be all that light out yet, but at least i’ll be on vacation. 

hey!  it’s a new year!  how crazy is that?
 
so, 2009… seems like it’s been gone a while, but i think we’re all feeling its effects still.  some of us more than others, i s’poze. 
 
my 2009 was chock-full of excitement and intrigue! 
 
i made new friends.  i ate new foods.  i gave away my blood, twice.  i spent a lot of time limping.  i reduced my stinky debt and increased my awesome savings.  i gave up sugar for Lent and survived.  i almost got run off the road.  i fought the germs and won.  i went to my step-mother’s funeral.  i got a new mattress.  i had a birthday party.  i developed an anxiety disorder and started taking drugs.  i grew tomatoes and herbs on my balcony.  i bought a tivo.  i went swimming.  i had surgery.  i developed a life-threatening complication.  i rode in an ambulance.  i ate hospital food.  i started taking rat poison.  i thought about selling my car.  i bought bras which actually fit.  i blogged for a whole month straight.  i sold stuff at two craft fairs.  i got my hair cut shorter than ever.  i went to parties.  i bought an iphone.  i had countless needles stuck in me for both the taking and removing of liquids.  
 
i actually had to go back to reference material to remember anything which happened before august.  the whole pulmonary embolism thing has somehow managed to erase my memory of the first half of the year.  maybe i did have some oxygen deprivation?   thank god for my blog, i say.  thank god!
 
for 2010, i’ve decided that instead of resolutions, i have a short list of things i want to accomplish.  they are listed here thusly:
 
– go to a long table dinner at the irish heather
– go back to the symphony because it is awesome and i get to wear a dress
– fully experience the 2010 winter olympics since they’re right in my back yard
– have a regularly-scheduled dinner date with my dad every month
– see my mom at least every other month
– not let a month go by without spending time with my friends
– give blood as soon as i’m able, and every 56 days thereafter
– cook something new each week
– work harder
– continue the accelerated progress at debt-elimination and savings-expansion
– treat my body like it’s the only one i’ve got
– sleep 8-9 hours every night
– have more fun
– go outside
– continue to reduce the amount of “stuff” in my life
– call the counsellor
– make things more often
– blog at least once a week
 
okay, maybe it’s not so short, but a lot of them are “set up once, keep it going” type things.   that last one will probably be my hardest to keep, but who knows.  maybe if i think of posting as making something/creative outlet you’ll get more to read.  we’ll see.  time slips by so quickly… 
 
i certainly don’t want myself or anyone i love to spend any more time in hospitals, get into car accidents, lose their jobs, lose their pets, bury a family member or move away.   2009 had way too much of all of those yucky things for far too many people i know and care much for.  
 
i’d like to say i’m feeling optimistic about 2010, but i said that about 2009 and look how that turned out.  instead, i’ll say i’m going to attempt to take each day and each event as it comes and do my best to handle them all with grace.