why is it that as soon as i read an article about ergonomics, repetitive strain injuries or carpel tunnel syndrome my wrists start aching?

this frightend me:
The Catch-All Myth: Vegetarians don’t eat a balanced diet.
They’re risking their health for their principles.
Reality: A recent study shows that on any given day, the average
American doesn’t eat a single vegetable. What’s worse, of those
Americans who do eat at least one vegetable, the majority eat
potatoes (fried, of course, and probably the french variety). There’s
nothing wrong with potatoes, but these findings indicate that most
Americans eat little more than meat and potatoes. Now, who’s telling
whom they don’t eat a balanced diet?
[from vegetarian times]
once, while at mcdonald’s with jason , he ordered a “big extra. extra mayo. no vegetables.” that meant no pickles, either. ick.
i’ve dabbled in vegetarianism, and it’s been well over 8 years since i’ve eaten cow or pig, but i still find it weird that people don’t eat vegetables. i mean, not much is as tasty as a big bowl of steamed broccoli with some salsa on top. if i haven’t had something green in a day or two, i actually start craving it.
go eat a salad, dammit.

taking a plane trip in the near future? want to know what the odds of your plane going down in firey ball of jet fuel and screaming tourists? check out amigoingdown.com. “We estimate that your chances of dying on this trip are: 1 in 15 711 484. That’s really quite good for this route.” thanks, guys!

this page contains valid css! now i just need to work on getting it to validate my html.

a true friend is someone who phones you in the middle of the day to check up on you because they could tell from the change in tone of your emails that you were down and needed cheering up. thank you, rick.

the most exciting part of my weekend was winning two dollars on a scratch ticket.
had pizza and cards at meghan’s friday until she was stricken with a strange pain in her upper torso. i’m fairly sure it was a gall bladder incident, but it still scared us all. i was giving mark sage medical advice before i left and he said “what, are you a doctor?” i told him “no, but my mother and both my aunts are nurses.” he looked relieved. that amused me.
saturday was housework day. the sad thing is, most of it wouldn’t have gotten done if jason hadn’t been coming over. he did. we watched hockey and bad television, went out to fetch mcdonald’s for dinner, and played a game of chess. i am so very bad at chess.
i was fully planning to kick jason out at eight so i could go play more cards with meg, et al, but when she phoned and i told her he was there, she got a little weird and told me to stay home and play chess with him. i’m nothing if not obediant, so i did. he left around eleven or so.
i didn’t get dressed yesterday or go any further out of my apartment than the balcony so i could smoke. i barely managed to cook a pot of rice so i could have lunch today and do the subsequent dishes. i did get around to picking up my weights before i went to bed, though. two days late, but better than letting it slide again.
so, i’m at work and grumpy. there’s a crick in my neck which prevents me from turning my head to the left. that’s fine, it’s a good excuse not to look at anyone. scary anna is off work this week, so i’m spared her presence. i like that.

she couldn’t look at anything but the blank wall. to look at anything else hurt. especially his eyes.
“don’t let him see me cry,” she thought desperately.
as the door clicked shut, she stood there, unable to move. she couldn’t feel her arms or legs, her entire body seemed disconnected from itself. she knew she should sit or she would fall. a tentative step, and her body gave out as she collapsed towards the chair.
“it hurts,” she whispered to the empty room.
the sobs started slowly, but soon her entire body was convulsing, her face contorted into a mask of ironic humour. an onlooker would have thought she was smiling if not for the fact her eyes were nearly swollen shut and the sounds coming from her heaving body were so heart-wrenching.
“it hurts too much.”
she finally regained control and sat still with her head in her hands, breathing harshly through her mouth. again the feeling of disconnection with her physical self swept over her as moments replayed themselves in her head. the small things, the kind gestures, the laughter, the quiet times.
reaching for a cigarette, she saw his lighter on the table and froze. she picked it up and wrapped her small hand around it, feeling it dig into her into her palm. shutting her eyes tightly against the memories, she threw it across the room.
“it’s over,” she said, just to hear the words.

when you hold me, i’m so in love with you; but, when i hold you, it just doesn’t feel the same.

thank god today’s almost over. not that it was long, it went very fast. but training takes so much out of me, it’s ridiculous. you’d think sitting there watching someone do your job would be easy. it’s all that talking and explaining and making sure you catch all the errors and ensure they learn from them. i’m so ready to go home. damn, i won’t even have time for a nap before cards. bummer.

i don’t think i have many words today. of course, whenever i say that i end up posting something every five minutes. probably not today as i’m training this morning and have fucking field manual conversion crap to do. i was so hoping never to have to touch another goddamn operations manual ever again after the control fucking manual fiasco. ugh.
otherwise, the day’s not too bad so far. it’s pay day. it’s friday. good hair day, until the humidity kicks in. playing cards tonight, and i’m in charge of bringing pizza. had a good discussion about books and reading habits with marie this morning. we both realized that there doesn’t seem to be that many people anymore who really get into books or reading. it seems to have become a lost pursuit. personally, i think that’s a bloody tragedy. of course, i was reading the newspaper when i was three. i may be a bit biased.
had a rather disturbing dream about meghan stealing a guy away from me, despite the fact she still had mark. she figured since i bought him over to our place, he was fair game. it was like highschool all over again. that means it pretty much sucked.
i’m feeling a little confused about an emotional situation right now. i can’t really talk about it at the moment, but it’s really preying on my mind and i can’t seem to shake it. suffice it to say, i should know better and i’m trying to smarten up, but i still find myself having these imaginary confrontations in which i lay it all out on the line once and for all. if only i could to that for real.

i don’t know where this day went. i spent a fair amount obsessing over the fate of my february archives, then talked someone through copying a directory over to another network drive, then i went out for lunch, spent more time working on the archive issue, worked with hugo on a program he wrote for me, rushed through a pile of work while talking to rhonda — who wouldn’t go away — and now, it’s four o’clock and i don’t know what to do with myself for two hours until my union meeting. bleh. i guess i’ll sit here for a while and maybe go get a sub for dinner.
tyler phoned last night. i love it when tyler phones. tyler is very important to me.
yeah. stuff.

what’s your favourite word?
what’s your least favourite word?

seems greymatter won’t rebuild my february archive page. unless i can figure out how to fix it, i’m going to have to rebuild it by hand. grr.

the stanfield boxer-brief boy from upstairs is moving out, which means the one-bedroom suite in my building is available for rent. i passed up the chance to move into it last year, because i really did not have the money for it at the time. i’d pretty much decided to give up thinking about a new place until i got at least one visa paid off. but, this news combined with my typical spring fever has me considering a move upstairs.
okay, let’s go over the pros and cons, shall we?
pros:
more room! a bedroom! i can have people over and not worry about them soiling my bed with their dirty asses. it’s on the north corner of the building, so will be theoretically cooler in the summer. will still have a balcony (so can smoke). i will be able to buy a bed!!! i’ll get to stay in the same cool building. won’t need anyone’s truck to move. extra stairs to climb – good for quad strength. i’ll have room for a bed. bed. bed. bed. bed. bed. (sense a theme?)
cons:
moving upstairs is almost too annoying to contemplate (packing just to go upstairs? ick). i would be better off putting that extra $80/month against my debt. changing my address & utilites… just to amend the apartment number. hookup charges. i can’t really afford that glorious bed right now, and would end up sleeping on the futon. the kitchen is not even close to being as pretty as mine. extra stairs to climb – bad after a long day, or when hauling heavy groceries. i’ll lose my view except when peeking out the bedroom window.
ugh. yeah, i know. i’ll wait. i can wait. yup. i’ll just go commandeer jason’s bed once a month to sate my need for mattress appreciation. yeah. that’s a plan.

i totally agree with jan on this one. there are people who take the whole germ thing way too seriously. oh my god! you didn’t just rub that soap all over your body, did you? now i’ll have to get a new bar and just lather it in my hands first, which is the poper, sanitary way.
germs are necessary. think about all these little kids who are going to grow up with anti-bacterial everything, never having the chance to build any immunities to the tiniest of microbes. it’s going to be like walking into bubble boy’s house, cutting a slit in the plastic and watching him writhe about as his non-existant immune system feebly attempts to save his life.
that being said, my one and only germ related quirk is when dealing with raw chicken. i will admit to being anal about trying not to touch it and, if i do, washing immediately and thoroughly with a vast amount of dish soap and hot water. the same goes for any dishes or utensils it comes into contact with. i’m an anti-salmonella poster-girl.
you’re bigger than the germs, don’t be such a wuss.

– what?
c’mere… i got sumpthin’ ta show ya.
– i’m in a hurry, what is it?
no. no. no. ya jus’ gotta see this! it’ll only take a sec.
– *sigh* fine. but if i’m late, i’ll kick your ass.
ya won’t be late, buddy. trus’ me, an’ it’d be worth it if ya were.
– *leans in* i don’t see anything.
yer not lookin’ in the right spot. look ‘ere.
– i still don’… jesus christ, man. what the hell is that?!
*grinning* i tol’ ya it was worth it!
– but… how in god’s name?! where did you find it? *reaches out*
no! there’ll be touching it, buddy. ’tis for lookin’ at only.
– i think it’s almost beautiful…
of course it’s beautiful, buddy. i wouldn’ta brought it to ya if it weren’t. i know ya like them pretty things.
– please, just let me touch it… just once.
can touch it forever if ya want, buddy. ya just gotta give me a little sumpthin’. ya can do that for li’l ole me, can’t ya, buddy? just a little sumpthin’, ’tis all. nothin’ ta a bigwig like ya. nothin’ at all.
– whatever you want, it’s yours. just let me hold it. please!
don’t be cryin’, buddy. it doesn’t become ya. here, lemme fish out that paper the man gave me… here ’tis. he said “jus’ get ’em to sign on the dotted line,” he did. “use this pen, an’ only this pen.”
– *transfixed and shaking slightly* please, just let me touch it…
buddy. take this pen, buddy. we’re almos’ there, buddy. jus’ sign right ‘ere on that li’l line an’ it’ll be all yers an’ i can get back to real business.
– *bead of sweat falls onto the paper* sign… i can sign… dear god, it’s so beautiful! *scribbles illegibly*
tha’s it, buddy! right ‘ere… there ya go, tha’s the way. done! lemme jus’ put this away safe. hold on, don’t ya be grabbin’ now. tha’s jus’ plain rude, that is. ‘ere ya go… now, be gentle with it. don’t go ruinin’ it on yer first day.
– oohhh… god! yessss…..
*hobbling away* tsk, them cityslickers. always think it’s so durn beautiful. don’t know the devil when he’s kissin’ their sister, they don’t. serves ’em right… s’not my fault they’re so stupid. not my fault at all.

i’ve lost an entire week. i don’t know what i did with it, but it is definitely gone. if i look at the calendar, i can see today is tuesday, march 13th. in my head, when i’m planning out my life, it is tuesday, march 6th. examples? sure, i have examples.
yesterday, when helen dropped off a crappy job for me to do, i looked at her like she was insane and told her that it wasn’t due ’til next week. it was actually due yesterday afternoon.
i have two meetings to attend this week on wednesday and thursday. i kept thinking i was so very glad i didn’t have to go to the thursday one until next week as i just wasn’t in the mood for it this week. well, now i’m fucking busted.
i’m fairly sure i lost the week by being so anxious for last weekend to happen that i didn’t pay any attention to the days preceeding it. the ironic thing was my father telling me, in response to my wanting the weekend to hurry up and arrive, not to “wish my life away”. one of these days i’m really going to have to take his advice as soon as he gives it.

i realized on saturday just how totally out of shape i’ve gotten, again. truthfully, to look at me you’d assume i was out of shape, and for all intents and purposes i am, compared to most. but, when looking back at this time last year, when i was eating über-healthy and working out at least four times a week… i’m a big ol’ slug now.
playing catch at the park with jason just really brought the point home. i was huffing and he was all “must… stop… chest… burns…” we both realized we need to quit smoking and start exercizing again. his plan is to go for a jog every time he wants a cigarette. i kind of scoffed at that, but it’s not that bad of a plan.
me, on the other hand, i’m trying to cut the crap out of my diet and work slowly back up to lifting weights three times a week again. yesterday, i brought into work the rest of the box of microwave popcorn i had at home and left it in the lunch room for anyone to take. it was gone in an hour. once i’ve used up the flavoured coffee creamer and hot chocolate, i won’t buy any more. it’s all real food again for me, dammit. i even dusted off my dumbells and did three sets of ten before i went to bed last night.
i’m certain it is all in my head, but even after just a week of eating cleaner and a couple days of excercise & fresh air, i’m feeling better already. i noticed i’m walking taller and i think my skin looks better. i’m being reminded of how good i felt before i fucked up my healthy lifestyle last fall and it’s encouraging me to keep it up this time.

[editor’s note: this entry has been voided due to the annoyance of years worth of PERVERTS hitting it looking for things which have nothing to do with this site. don’t worry, the comments will give you a hint as to what was once here, i’m sure.]

i’m having a grand ol’ time reading dating horror stories. thank god i’ve only been subjected to a couple of inept smooch attempts in my limited experience.