it would so help if i had any clue as to what i’m doing before i try and mess with php to make the comments write to & read from cookies. argh!

i finally talked to him last night. he phoned just as i’d turned off the tv and rolled over to go to sleep. one of the first things he said to me was “have i told you how much i love your voice?” i told him how much i’d missed talking to him. we talked for almost two hours, catching up on the last month or so of each other’s lives. i even managed not to tell him that i’d sent his very belated birthday present out to him on tuesday. i really want him to be surprised when it arrives.
after we hung up, i supressed the urge i had to phone him right back and just tell him “i love you”. i probably should have, he needs to know people care about him now. i just didn’t want there to be any of that weirdness that goes along with that phrase.

ode to my fat pants
the fabric, it is plentiful.
the seat, my ass does not fill full.
the cuffs, they drag.
and they should be a rag.
but, i love these fat pants of mine.
when i wear them i feel thin,
especially when i suck it all in.
the people at work see the gape,
and ask “hey, have you lost weight?”
i do so love these fat pants of mine.
i can move here and there,
and not gasp for more air.
marked with an “F” on the tag
so i know which pants sag.
yes, yes! i love these fat pants of mine!

our receptionist, who is notorious for being cranky, cheap and mean, stopped by my desk this morning and gave me two homemade muffins as a thank you for the paltry amount of personal word processing i do for her. i’m still a little stunned when i think of it. i know julie won’t believe me when i tell her.

finally! after four attempts to get php, ssi and mysql support added to my hosting account, it’s been accomplished. i figured i’d have to threaten to take my business elsewhere, and i was right. anyway, now i needst learn me some php.

yesterday, as i was leaving to get my car fixed, i ran into al. he’s a nice guy, who also happens to be chief job steward. when he’s not trying to get me to work on the union website or fix up something in the collective agreement’s word processing, we have nice little chats about this and that. this time was something both humourous and frightening.
the admin department unit rep resigned a couple weeks back. susan had done it for several years and not many people blame her for getting burnt out, especially after that last set of negotiations. but, that’s left my department with two stewards who don’t want to move up a slot and a vacant seat on the executive board.
al was trying to gauge my interest in assuming the position. i almost laughed in his face. however, i did tell him how funny i thought that was. seems my name has been bandied about the executive in regards to this. why is it funny? i’m 28. i have no experience. i haven’t even been a steward. i have no training. i’m meek. and, worst of all, i hate confrontation.
on top of all that, i’m too much my father’s daughter and would probably side more with management than bargaining unit in most of the matters which i would be called upon to deal with. i hate to see people taking advantage or loop-holing, just because they have a union to back them up when they get caught. if you fuck up, you deserve what you get.
that being said, it would present a phenomenal opportunity for me. they’d happily send me for all the training i could handle, i’m well-liked by most everyone in admin, i’m well thought of by most of the union executive for work i’ve done for them in the past. it would afford me a lot of chances to grow as a person, work on my conflict resolution skills, for one.
the big stumbling block for me in considering this is my inate laziness. it would be a lot of bloody work. i wouldn’t have my off-hours to myself anymore. there would always be something i’d need to get done. i really like that i can leave my job at four and not have to think about it until seven the next day. free time would be a luxury, and i don’t know if i could handle it. i’d be a lot more comfortable becoming a steward first, then, maybe, thinking about moving up, some day.
i told al i would consider it, and i am. i still want to talk to both my parents about it, as they’ve sat on both sides of that table and can offer me some practical advice. come to think of it, it would be cool to know all the dirt going on…

i am a college drop-out.
i hate that sentence. i can’t begin to explain the feelings it evokes. the inadequacy i feel when i realize that i didn’t finish my post-secondary education. that i gave up a degree for an office manager’s position paying seven dollars an hour.
looking back, it all seemed so reasonable. i was working part time and going to school three-quarter time. school was thirty-seven kilometres away (one way), so i had to use mom’s car which left her stranded most of the week. i found someone to carpool with, so that helped. but i still chaffed at being poor and the fights over mobility were wearing very thin. i also hated my job at the crappy retail store.
when mom ran into tim at the bank and he asked her to help him set up the office for his new business, i thought that was great for her. she thought it was great for me. her plan was to get the ball rolling and then hand the job over to me. noble, maternal, protective… but, i can’t help but think it was premature. she must have known i couldn’t have kept going to school while working forty-hour weeks.
i don’t begrudge working for tim for one nanosecond. it was a phenomenal learning experience for a nineteen year old. where else could i have gained so much experience and had so much room to grow, make mistakes and learn from them, all the while being encouraged and respected by people who’s respect meant the world to me.
sometimes i just wish i’d finished university. gotten that fine arts degree in art history from ubc. it would be totally useless, but, in my mind, getting that piece of paper is an accomplishment in itself. it shows you have the gumption and perserverance to fight through and finish the race.
maybe that’s why i don’t fantasize about running away to europe so much anymore. why my dream life is to become a professional student. live the rest of my life going from university to university, acquiring degree after degree. one of my favourite places to be in the whole world is a classroom.
now if i could only learn to see the world as my classroom i should be content…

by the way, my new project is to figure out how to write the code for comment cookies so y’all won’t have to type in your vitals every time fill out the form. sound good?

well, the car’s fixed. for now. the exhaust pipe broke off right in front of the muffler, so that explains the rattling and the noise. it was hilarious driving around the back roads trying to find midas. i’m sure i woke up more than a few retirees from their morning naps. anyway, they also replaced the muffler itself under warranty, since he figured it would have to be done by summer. all told, i had a $211 lunch. why am i still hungry?

jason recently commented that my car has a distinctive sound, not unlike a diesel. this disconcerted me, because it wasn’t so long ago that my baby used to purr like a well-fed kitten. i could verily sneak up on people, all the while doing 80kph.
i started thinking about it and paying a little more attention to the noises my car is wont to make. and yesterday i came to the conclusion that it was very likely my muffler was getting a tad loud again. “i’ll have to get that looked at this weekend,” i thought.
this morning, as i rounded the last corner before getting to work (it’s a sharp one), there was a horrible rattling noise coming from the back end of my car. i quickly turned the music down, but by then i’d straightened out and the noise had stopped. a dozen different things ran through my mind: suspension, struts, wheel bearings. dear god, not more money!
as i tapped the gas for the final block i realized my car sounded a lot louder. i mean harley davidson loud. a couple experimental tight turns in the parking lot recreated the rattle. i kicked the muffler on my way inside. nope, it’s on there tight. so, i’m guessing it’s the baffles which are blown. at least i’m hoping that’s all it is. i’ll have to take it up to midas today, i’ll get a noise violation ticket otherwise. stupid car.
oh, on the bright side, i got a $125 cheque from the government yesterday. “relief for heating expense”. i guess that’ll pay for the muffler.

i’m on a roll. i just fixed another netscape idiosyncrasy. go me!
now if i could only get greymatter to use 12:00 for noon instead of 00:00.

holy crap. i’m an hour late for lunch and i didn’t notice. if i was always busy, i’d forget to eat. i need to be busier, obviously.

yay! i finally kludged together a fix for netscape’s mangling of my the header atop this page. whee! i love the feeling of fixing something fiddly like that. it’s a total rush.

yesterday, while at zellers buying underwear, i made the mistake of stopping in the electronics department. i stayed away from the digital cameras (which i covet more than wearing a size 6), but i did get lured by the playstation cds. i came home with oddworld: abe’s oddysee.
i’d heard about this game years ago and it’s been hovering in the back of my mind ever since (like myst, which i still have yet to play). so, i spent the thirty bucks i shouldn’t have, brought it home, read through the manual and started to play. if i had picture-in-picture, so i didn’t miss certain shows, i’d never stop playing it. abe is so bloody cute!